kates diary, trying to make sense

[kate83]

starting from today - 4th april 2008

feel brighter this morning as i have a drs app at 9am and talking to him i know will help.

lately im so worried about how thin i have become so will bring this up with him too.

josh and madeleine are champion and i have no worries regarding them at mo!

worrying about the ne hours chris will be doing once he moves as they will be long days but we'll see when that changes!!

well i best go get ready for the drs xx

[littlelotty]

Hope you dont mind me writing in your diary Kate - let me know if you do.

How did it go at the doctors today?

Take Care and glad you are having a good day

LittleLotty
xx

[cokey]

Kate - same goes, hope you don't mind us adding here...

How did docs go?

Cokey xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Kate

Hope its ok to post in your diary> Was wondering how it went at the docs hun?

Thinking of you

WG x

[kate83]

no i dont mind thanks for posting.

well ive been give another 2 months supply of citolapram, and he offered a counsellor but he thinks that im best speaking to a counsellor through the miscarriage association as he thinks it will help me to deal with my grief first then go from there and i agree so im going to contact them.
also had a rapid weight loss so im having some blood tests done to check for anything causing it.

with regards to the rest of yesterday, last night was my leaving do from mamas and papas so was a night around town which i really needed, bit tired today and chris working plus he goes to london for 6 days tomorrow morn so not looking forward to that but my mum is on hand! been shopping and bought new clothes for ME for once and not kids so im feeling good today!

mood im good ut the actually feeling of attacking house work is such a chore at mo but il get round to it xxx

[winegirl]

Hi Kate

Glad you are feeling brighter hun!

I hope you get your appt through quick with your counsellor. Sounds like your GP really is tring to sort things out for you.

Sorry about the weight loss hun and hope it is nothing major. Let us know how the blood tests go??

WG x

[littlelotty]

Hi Kate

I am glad you had a good day - you sound very positive at the moment which is great. I hope you have a good day today - we have snow!!!

Take Care

LittleLotty
xx

[kate83]

monday 7th april

well chris went to london yesterday and my friend came with her ds, was so lonely last night and just realised how much of a rock my dh is!!!

today i went to supermarket with mum while joshua was at playschool then when i picked him up we went to friends with 1 yr old twins and stayed there all afternoon!!!

feeling ok today just wish i didnt have work tomorrow for some reason???

at night though i can feel myself drifting into thoughts where i want to be me (oh great the tears have started) when i say me i mean the old me that didnt have a care in the world. truth is i feel shes gone to another place right now!!!!

the more i write the harder this gets but ive got to do it because i know that it'll help to look back!!!

im hurting as i know my bond with madeleine is suffering although she is my world. today i was holding her and she was crying to go to my mum and it hurts like a knife digging into me!!!! mum says il get there and that she loves me which i know but i want her to want me

xx

[kate83]

tuesday 8th april

last night was so hard to write the post i did but it was from the heart and hurts to see thats who ive become!
maybe its because dh is not here and im dwelling but yesterday wasnt as good a day as i thought when i first started writing.

well im off to work today xxx

[larsbars]

Hi Kate,

I have come to realise that kids love their grandparents because they give them undivided attention and spoil them rotten. My little girl loves staying with nanny and grandad and doesn't even look back when we drop her off. When we come and collect her she doesn't really bat an eyelid. I can remeber when I was little being really excited about going to stay with my nan and grandad because it was a bit of an adventure. I have to remind myself that that was what I was like when I was younger. It hurts because you feel surplus to requirement but rest assured that your little girl loves you to bits. They don't really understand tact at that age or realise that they may hurt you. When my LO's are ill though they just want want me or daddyso I know they love me really. It took me a long while to understand this and I used to get so upset cos my little girl was really independant and never really wanted me much. She is the complete opposite though now.

Glad you had a good day sat and spoilt your self a bit.

Take care

x

[kate83]

thursday 10th april

well work finished for a few days, feeling a bit brighter but not as happy as a few wks back. hopefully will feel better when chris returns from london tomorrow, well off for a bath and a chill out x

[sianyc]

My 4 yr old had a tantrum a few weeks ago cos I was picking her up and not her grampy (in front of the rest of her class)

Madeline is just an early starter

[kate83]

monday 14th april

sometimes i feel life is passing me by in a blur and i dont know how to take control!!!

chris is home and we have had a lovely weekend before him starting at his new store today and me never seeing him hardly!!!!

joshua has his jabs today hope he copes bless him xxx

[winegirl]

Best of luck with LO's jabs!! Im sure he will be ok once the choccie buttons come out!!

Will be thinking of you x

WG x

[littlelotty]

Hi

Hope you have a good day and good luck with the jabs - it is horrible but just remember they do not remember them!

We are here for you.

Take Care

LittleLotty
xx