naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Aug 18, 2006 14:33:44 GMT
Hi Jemma
So glad you found the forum - I have found it a very supportive place to share my story. Personally, I would love it if you shared some of your experiences of PP and being in a M&B unit when you're ready - it would really help me too to know I'm not alone! I think we can also help to raise awareness of PP, and the depression that so often follows.
Look forward to hearing from you and supporting one another. Sorry I've been offline for a while, been on holiday in rainy Wales!
Lots of love, Naomi x
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Aug 18, 2006 14:39:39 GMT
Hi Marion
I think it's an incredibly brave decision to go into hospital when you know it's the best in the long run for your baby and yourself. So glad you're home now and feeling more positive. How did Tuesday go?
Thanks for the info about agnus castus, my HV has recommended this to help level my moods out but I have to check first if it interacts with any of my meds.
Hope to chat sometime x Naomi
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Post by jemmarobin on Aug 19, 2006 22:26:06 GMT
Hi Naomi, Hi Marion Sorry that I crashed your thread Naomi! and I agree with you- well done Marion for being able to go back in hospital- I know it's really hard to do as I had to last Sept/Oct. Its not very nice, especially when you've been back in the 'outside world' and everyone thinks you're fine again.... will start my story when I've got a nice big block of uniterrupted time I think. Hope you're all ok xxx
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Aug 20, 2006 9:18:32 GMT
Hi Jemma
I'm really glad you joined my thread! Your ideas about starting a PNI support group in South Devon sound great, by the way. I know what you mean though about not running ahead of yourself... well done for wanting to do something so positive though.
I hope to start a support group where I live, probably when Anya goes to nursery and I'm fully better again. I was really surprised to find there's no support group here as there's loads of women having babies. I think women who have PNI might tend not to access the regular mother and baby groups as it can be too hard to be around mums who seem to be coping so well.
Hope you're having a good weekend Love Naomi x
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Sept 5, 2006 19:04:06 GMT
The story takes another twist...
Hi everyone, I'm sorry to have to update with another sad story, but I planned to take my own life again on Sunday. This time it got too close - I managed to get out of the house, lock Simon out of the car and drove off whilst he was banging the car door and begging me not to do anything. I drove up to the cliffs and looked for a gap in the hedge to drive my car through, planning to drive across the field and over the edge.
So many thoughts went through my mind... determination that this time I really had come to the end of my tether and life would be more bearable in the long term for my family without the terrible lows of this illness; knowing that this was a hugely selfish thing to do; wondering whether I would go to heaven or hell. I didn't let myself think about Anya at all.
I drove back and forth along the road, looking at the gap I'd found in the fence and worrying that the car would get stuck in the ditch. Suddenly I pictured what Simon must be going through at home, knowing he probably called the Police, and realised I had to go home. I drove nearly all the way without my lights on, back along dusky country roads. Just as I was about to make a turn into a road near home, two police cars quietly pulled up, one in front of me and one alongside. No sirens, just lights.
The policeman was very gentle and calm, and just asked for my keys and quietly got me out of the car and into the front seat of his police car. It all felt incredibly surreal and there was a strange sense of relief about being safe, yet it was awful to be so close to Si but not back in his arms. I was arrested for my own safety and taken to the nearest city police station where I was assessed by a doctor, psychiatrist and social worker. They eventually persuaded me to go voluntarily back to the hospital where I'd been twice since Anya was born. Si was allowed to come and take me there, and we just held each other and wept in the darkness in the car park.
Amazingly, this time I only had to spend one night in hospital, as my psychiatrist and the Crisis Team moved heaven and earth for an early discharge to put our family back together. I now have some options to change my medication to try and even out the disheartening pattern of well weeks and crashing lows. Firstly to get a referral to a gynaecologist to talk about hormonal treatments; secondly to consider a mood stabilising drug like lithium; or thirdly to increase my anti-depressant another notch...
Getting so close to disaster has been really scary for us as a family, but in a funny way it's made me realise all the more how precious Anya and Simon are, and how lucky I am that they love me unconditionally through all this. Here's hoping that we find the right treatment option to move on from the desperate lows and into a more stable period.
Love to you all, remember how precious your little ones are when this bitch of an illness get you down...
Naomi xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Sept 5, 2006 21:35:39 GMT
Hi Naomi,
I just wanted to ask how you are now? What a heartbreaking story that you had to go through that to realise how important Simon and Anya are to you. Although i'm glad you have realised this. I think that is one of the positives that can come out of this awful illness, as i have too realised how much i love my family and how important they are to me.
Please keep talking to us here, we can give you all the support you need. Thinking about you.
Sarah.xxx
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Post by monica on Sept 5, 2006 22:28:59 GMT
Dear Naomi
I've got a lump in my throat just reading your sad story and obviously I'm so pleased you didn't take your life. The lows of depression are so awful, but it will get better, please believe me. I can remember when I was at my lowest and it was like living a nightmare where everything seemed so bleak. But life will pick up, it might be slowly, you will get there. I can remember not being to imagine being 'normal' again as it seemed so unobtainable but here I am and am enjlying life.
You are so courageous and have been through so much. Your family love and need you so much, too.
Carry on talking. We're here for you.
Love
Monica
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Sept 6, 2006 7:10:41 GMT
Thanks for being there Sarah and Monica
I still feel pretty tired and a bit shell-shocked, but strangely much more at peace than I have done over the last few months. I feel very blessed that God kept me safe and brought me home - in fact a whole group of people from my church were praying for me at about the time that I turned back for home. Incredible stuff...
I've had a very special couple of days with Anya and Si, and we're going out for Si's 30th birthday today. It feels odd to just return to 'normal life' and I've had a lot of sorries to say to all my friends and family but everyone's been amazing. I have good support from the professionals too, including the Crisis Team phoning and visiting regularly for this week. In a way, it feels like a breakthrough to have some more options about medication/treatment - I just hope we get to the bottom of the lack of stability in my mood and I see some more improvement...
Love to you both, Naomi x
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Post by bagpuss on Sept 6, 2006 7:36:48 GMT
Thank you for being brave enough to post your experiences. It is amazing to hear I'm not the only one going through this horrid PNI.
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Sept 6, 2006 7:52:39 GMT
Thanks bagpuss - you're not alone, I'm so glad we can share the hard times as well as the encouraging ones. Glad you found the forum, it's an amazing place of support and love. Naomi x
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Post by cinders on Sept 6, 2006 8:40:58 GMT
Hiya Naomi, Just wanted to say that I had read your thread and it certainly brought a lump to my throat. You are such a brave lady to have managed to go back when you were feeling so low....I'm sending big hugs your way...you will get through this flower, take all of the help and support you can..Thinking of you Love n hugs Cinders xxx
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Sept 6, 2006 19:58:46 GMT
Hi Nay Just wondering how your day's been? Thinking of you and sending love KL X
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naomi
Senior Member
Made it through the long recovery from PP!
Posts: 216
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Post by naomi on Sept 7, 2006 11:38:24 GMT
Hi cinders - thanks for the encouragment and love, it means a lot to me! I'm feeling almost relieved now that I at least have some treatment options to try, rather than just trying to get through it on my own or using CBT techniques.
Hey KL - had a good couple of days really, almost in wonder at how gorgeous my little girl is and how faithful and steadfast si has been... can't believe what I would have put them through, and so grateful to God that he stopped me going through with it. It's sunny and warm again here in Devon so it's been nice to walk up the high street with Anya and potter in the shops. I've been reading up quite a lot on progesterone and oestrogen therapy and have an appointment with my GP next week to talk it all through and poss. get a referral to a gynaecologist. We'll see...
Love to all, N xx
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kl77
Senior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by kl77 on Sept 7, 2006 19:49:23 GMT
Hi Naomi
Glad things are looking brighter!
Keep heading up, one day at a time.
Send some of the sunshine up here if there's any to spare!!!!!
Let us know how it goes with the GP and take care
KL X
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Post by hanzak on Sept 8, 2006 23:28:10 GMT
Hi Naomi, Thank you for sharing your story so clearly. I found that it helped me when I wrote my book but I find great comfort from knowing that other Mums have missed their first Christmas, etc. etc. I read your points on patient care with great interest and am delighted that I raise all those points when I give talks on PP and/or patient care. You do sound to be making a very good recovery - being 'here' and communicating is a testiment of that too. Keep on having more and more 'ups' and don't worry about the 'downs' - they will reduce. Go and give that gorgeous Anya a cuddle!!! And Simon too! Love Elaine xx PS I too still feel 'robbed' of breast feeding!! www.elainehanzak.co.uk
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