Post by K on Jun 15, 2007 18:01:11 GMT
Hi everyone,
I've decided to tell my story to see if I can let it go a little bit.
I never wanted kids - I panicked so much when I found out I was pregnant. I'd been with my husband (then partner) for 6 years and he so wanted children - I just adapted the view if it's meant to be it will be.
The day I found out I was pregnant I cried and cried. Everyone assured me these were just nerves and they would subside. From being 5 weeks pregnant, I developed hyperemisis, which means basically, I never stopped throwing up, night and day I threw up, couldn't eat or drink anything, even a smell would trigger the sickness.
I also developed epilepsy which was pregnancy related due to the influx of hormones.
When I got to 13 weeks pregnant - I was admitted to hospital for 2 days and hooked up to a drip. I still threw up and didn't stop until 3 days before I delivered. I was given a drug which they give chemo patients to try and stop my vomiting.
At 20 weeks during a routine scan, I was told my baby had a lump on his kidney, from then on I was scanned every week. At 26 weeks the doctors wanted to operate through my belly button to dissolve the lump. After a scan at 27 weeks they told me the lump had dissolved by itself.
I went into labour 4 weeks early and after 22 hours and been fully dilated for an hour, my little angel put his knee through my ribs. I didn't have any pain relief other than one shot of pethadyne. I was taken for an emergency C-section and the surgeon who performed the operation believed I had been given the spinal block and cut me - which did not feel good - I can tell you. I was then given the spinal block which paralysed my left arm and nothing else so I was put to sleep.
When I woke up - everyone had seen my baby and he'd been fed and bathed and dressed by someone else. I also noticed I couldn't move my left arm. It stayed paralysed for 7 weeks.
He was an excellent baby - he never cried and slept straight through the night as well as the day but I couldn't settle - I kept expecting him to cry and then I developed a fear of cot death. I couldn't do anything for him by myself as I was paralysed, I couldn't even hold him properly.
I felt so guilty that I couldn't hold him or comfort him that I developed chronic insomnia and fears that someone was going to abuse my son. I had been abused as a child and just put those fears down to that - I still didn't believe I had Post Natal Illness.
Then when he was almost one - a routine check up showed that his testicle was in his kidney and that was what the lump was what showed up in the scan when I was pregnant. He had an operation and a new blood supply built to the area and, touch wood, he seems fine now.
We lived with my husbands parents for the first 18 months of our sons life as our own house was been modernised as we had a massive leak which made the boiler fall through the ceiling.
I never had any alone time with my son or my husband as there was always someone there but I didn't mind that because I felt safe. We moved to our own house, as I say, when our son was about 18 months old. I was now completely alone as my husband was at work all day.
My fears then changed to hearing voices chanting in my head and telling me to hurt or abuse my baby. I couldn't shut it off - it was constant and I never relaxed - I was scared to sleep because of the bad dreams and scared to be with my son.
I wrote a plan, I had all my son's check ups completed, I bought all new nursery clothes for him, I wrote him a long letter and decided I was going to end it all.
That was the day I found your site, by accident, and realised I had PNI so you really did save me.
My little boy is three now and I still have PNI but I do believe I am slowly improving. I just wanted to say thank you so much and I hope I will continue to receive support from yourselves and other ladies in my position.
Lots of love
Kelly
I've decided to tell my story to see if I can let it go a little bit.
I never wanted kids - I panicked so much when I found out I was pregnant. I'd been with my husband (then partner) for 6 years and he so wanted children - I just adapted the view if it's meant to be it will be.
The day I found out I was pregnant I cried and cried. Everyone assured me these were just nerves and they would subside. From being 5 weeks pregnant, I developed hyperemisis, which means basically, I never stopped throwing up, night and day I threw up, couldn't eat or drink anything, even a smell would trigger the sickness.
I also developed epilepsy which was pregnancy related due to the influx of hormones.
When I got to 13 weeks pregnant - I was admitted to hospital for 2 days and hooked up to a drip. I still threw up and didn't stop until 3 days before I delivered. I was given a drug which they give chemo patients to try and stop my vomiting.
At 20 weeks during a routine scan, I was told my baby had a lump on his kidney, from then on I was scanned every week. At 26 weeks the doctors wanted to operate through my belly button to dissolve the lump. After a scan at 27 weeks they told me the lump had dissolved by itself.
I went into labour 4 weeks early and after 22 hours and been fully dilated for an hour, my little angel put his knee through my ribs. I didn't have any pain relief other than one shot of pethadyne. I was taken for an emergency C-section and the surgeon who performed the operation believed I had been given the spinal block and cut me - which did not feel good - I can tell you. I was then given the spinal block which paralysed my left arm and nothing else so I was put to sleep.
When I woke up - everyone had seen my baby and he'd been fed and bathed and dressed by someone else. I also noticed I couldn't move my left arm. It stayed paralysed for 7 weeks.
He was an excellent baby - he never cried and slept straight through the night as well as the day but I couldn't settle - I kept expecting him to cry and then I developed a fear of cot death. I couldn't do anything for him by myself as I was paralysed, I couldn't even hold him properly.
I felt so guilty that I couldn't hold him or comfort him that I developed chronic insomnia and fears that someone was going to abuse my son. I had been abused as a child and just put those fears down to that - I still didn't believe I had Post Natal Illness.
Then when he was almost one - a routine check up showed that his testicle was in his kidney and that was what the lump was what showed up in the scan when I was pregnant. He had an operation and a new blood supply built to the area and, touch wood, he seems fine now.
We lived with my husbands parents for the first 18 months of our sons life as our own house was been modernised as we had a massive leak which made the boiler fall through the ceiling.
I never had any alone time with my son or my husband as there was always someone there but I didn't mind that because I felt safe. We moved to our own house, as I say, when our son was about 18 months old. I was now completely alone as my husband was at work all day.
My fears then changed to hearing voices chanting in my head and telling me to hurt or abuse my baby. I couldn't shut it off - it was constant and I never relaxed - I was scared to sleep because of the bad dreams and scared to be with my son.
I wrote a plan, I had all my son's check ups completed, I bought all new nursery clothes for him, I wrote him a long letter and decided I was going to end it all.
That was the day I found your site, by accident, and realised I had PNI so you really did save me.
My little boy is three now and I still have PNI but I do believe I am slowly improving. I just wanted to say thank you so much and I hope I will continue to receive support from yourselves and other ladies in my position.
Lots of love
Kelly