Newly Pregnant & having tough time

[ltespain]

Hi everyone

I've only really just found this whole site after a year of PNI. Long story but it started when my son was 2 to 3 months old, finally got diagnosed 5 months later. I haven't taken any anti-ds or anything and living here in Spain they pretty well only drug and ignore or ignore so absolutely no support or medical help available.

Anyway, I'm now 5 wks pg and the PNI is coming back to bite me. I know now it can go in waves but I'd hoped we were over the worst of it, especially since I have to use progesterone to assist maintaining pg which I discovered is also one option to help with PNI.

Any, all suggestions for keeping me going and not making my 14 month old suffer would be much appreciated. I have to admit that any pg will be hard anyway as I'm considered very high risk due to chronic medical conditions (6 previous m/cs) so it could just be the natural early day fears that are the problem right now.

Thank you for all being out there for me to chat to - wished I'd bothered internet searching many months ago and got the support and information.

Louise

[Veritee]

Hi Louise

I almost missed you in this section - I have just seen your introduction in the intro thread here: veritee.proboards7.com/index.cgi?board=intro&action=display&n=1&thread=3498&page=6

but I will reply here to give you an individual answer

It is great that you have found us and a big welcome to the forum -
We are here if you want to chat anytime whatever your issue and you do not have to feel that you are currently suffering PNI - or pre natal illness - with your current PG as this forum is for survivors of PNI as well as current sufferers.

I feel that even though we do all recover survivors sometimes can have issues they need to talk over with those who have suffered PNI that are unique to suffering PNI and so we are always here for survivors too

and with subsequent PG we will always fear a return of PNI even if it does not happen so of course we need a little extra support then if we are PG and do not as yet know if we will get PNI after the birth - this prospect can be very scary as no one knows what is going to happen once your baby is born....

But whatever does happen for you now and after the birth this forum is here

You say you are using 'progesterone to assist maintaining pg ' you are absolutely right that progesterone is both used to assist maintaining pg and was also proposed as preventative of PNI by Katharina Dalton as outlines in her book Depression After Childbirth, . ISBN: 0-19-263277-9.

I do not know as a layperson if it does work. I had a good experience with it after my child was born and when I had PNI as it definitely helped me and others have also have felt it worked and others that it did not .

but I will say that the progesterone therapy is not supported in England at least by many PNI specialists so I really do not know if it is effective . However I used it with no ill effects and as it will do no harm at least I would say that it is worth a try to use it for PNI.

As to any other medication it sounds like you have enough of this as you could need but I wonder if you have enough support or have tired any talking therapies?

or whether you have any support from friends or relatives/

You especially do not mention y0our partner or whether he is supportive?

Is your partner supportive, does he understand your PNI and what you are experiencing?

If the answer is no - many here have also had this situation. My husband understands now but it took him many years to get to this point - but I just wondered how it is between your partner and you as you have not mentioned what support you are getting from friends, partner and family??

I understand not wanting your older child to suffer while you go through this pg and perhaps subsequent PNI but I am also sure that he will not .

Mostly it is the woman with PNI that suffers , we mostly protect our children form the worst of PNI and it is not them that suffer but us.
I can say this from the perspective of supporting many other women with PNI for over 10 years and from now having a 17 year old daughter who is now able to say how my PNI affected her can not remember my being ill at all and feels I did a good job when she was young ( things are not always as good between us now but then she is a teenager and I am menopausal)

We have had quite a few English and English speaking women form Spain using this forum over the years , I suppose with the lack of 'talking therapies ' in Spain and help for women with PNI in Spain together with the large ex-pat community that exists there this is to be expected .

One of the first women I supported directly through the Internet for PNI in 1998 lived in Spain and we continue to have women who live there as you do - some have been English speaking Spanish others ex-pat British

of you think it will help others please feel free to print off a poster about the forum form our web site and post it in places where mothers and babies go in Spain, as the more the merrier - this forum functions because of the large number of women using it that can relate to other womens situations
Anyway I just wanted to say this forum is here if you need us - even if I or the moderators are not around there is always a sufferer or a survivor who will relate to you and who will answer ( post in the main sections if you want a quicker response)

Welcome

VeriteeXX

[ltespain]

Hi Veritee

Thanks for the message.
My husband is in fact very supportive, now. He didn't believe that there was anything wrong for a long time as apparently I did such a good job of getting on with everything, even after I'd been diagnosed. He unfortunately also works away from home during the week so I'm home alone most of the time and we only moved to this part of the country a few months ago so don't know anyone.

It's good to know there is somewhere I can go and safely talk/get advice/help/support. Most of my problem probably stems from having gone through 6 miscarriages prior to safe arrival of my son in 2005 so everyone just kept telling how great I have to feel and dismissing any of my concerns. His birth also made me much more conscious of the potentially life threatening element of my diseases and my obligation to be around for as long as possible for him. Not helped by getting very sick not long after his birth (right after he got out of special care unit as he was 5 weeks premmie, again due to my disease and serious complications during labour).

So here I go again - the PNI is definately not cleared up /gone away. My family all live in different countries and are very supportive but only so much they can do. My ILs live not very far away but arent the best at doing anything other than made comments on anything I do wrong and most certainly don't actively assist or support - or haven't done till now. Hopefully new pregnancy will give new incentive....

I'd love to offer to put a poster up here but there aren't any mother and baby/toddler groups. They don't exist. They don't need them due to extended family being around - well they do in today's society they just haven't figured it out yet. Also, we don't have health visitors or midwives actively involved in ante or post natal care or many of the other potential support elements.

I'm rambling - I don't know what I need right now other than sleep, a chance to get myself in balance and a feeling of control. Guess that's not going to happen while these hormones are going crazy. I can't stop the progesterone till 16 weeks so maybe I'll start feeling some benefits - personally I feel it just increases the sensation of PMT.

One way or another I'll get to delivery next May. My husband has already told his boss - also a personal friend of ours - that I'm pregnant and that he'll have to come home immediately if I need him to. I've found here and also joined an antenatal support group online to give me positive pregnancy chat and my son is now at nursery full time so I can rest and he won't be affected by my bad days.

I'll take all and any other suggestions going and just need to know that somehow before the end of this pregnancy I can crack the PNI so I can get some time to have real fun with my older son before new baby is born. I was even considering moving to stay with my parents in UK and so I could get some therapy support but now not sure I want to leave the safety of my own home....

Anyway, thank you again.
All the best
Louise

[chica]

Hi Louise,
First of all welcome to the site, it has been an absolute godsend to me and I hope that you will get as much help and support from us that we can give you.
Just to let you know that I too live in Spain, I live in the south east of this country. Near to Crevillente, which is slightly inland, you do not say which area you live in, if by any miracle it is near the Torrevieja area, I may be able to help you as I know of a private clinic which I go to, who has an English HV, she is lovely, and she does all the midwife things as well...also I know of a mother and baby group as well. I am keeping my fingers crossed that you are in fact near me.
How are you getting on with the language barrier? Tricky isn't it.. I am the mother of twins who will be six this month, so they now go to school full time so I am beginning to have my own personal translators Hee Hee. Mind you your little one going to nursery if its a spanish one will come on leaps and bounds as well.
Anyway enough of my waffling, let me know if I can help with the mums group or HV.
Try and relax as much as you can, I know that this will be a lot easier said than done, especially with an active toddler around. At least we have nice warm sunshine over here so the little ones can get plenty of fresh air, which will hopefully wear them out.
Love
Chica

[ltespain]

Hi Chica

Thanks for the post - I live in Gandia so further up the coast from you. We do indeed have the private Acuario Maternity hospital nearby but unfortunately since I'm high risk and need special treatments etc I have to go to Valencia university hospital. I did go to the one Mums and Toddler group in the area, run by the acuario group, but found myself a bit of a round peg in square hole as no one approved of the fact I didn't breast feed (my drugs are too toxic to be allowed to), didn't have 'natural' birth since had emergency delivery etc etc.

Fortunately I've been over here 5 years and moved to Madrid first for work so had to do rapid immersion. Just finished my spanish language degree (finals were on Friday) so the language isn't too much of an issue, especially since DH is actually tri-lingual (here we have to speak Valenciano as well), though first time round with the whole maternity and labour thing wasn't too keen on having to do it all in Spanish, but was helpful they couldn't fully understand me at times!!

I'd appreciate any and all insights you have for coping as really dont' want this PNI to get worse than it currently is and sometimes just feel desperate at the lack of help/assistance. Contradicting what I said earlier, we are considering the private option for some of my care simply so I can hopefully get the back up and support.

Do you have any experience of anti-ds here and which ones you have found helpful, or other options?

Thank you again for taking the time to reply and the offer of help.

Best regards
Louise

[cheshire]

Hi Louise

Welcome to the sitexxx