Depression during pregnancy

[Emma]

Hi,

I'm trying to find out about depression during pregnancy and if it's common. I am 23 weeks pregnant and I am so unhappy with life (mainly for financial reasons) that I'm beginning to resent getting pregnant and wishing this baby didn't exist. This may sound harsh, but I'm getting to the stage where I'm not wanting to be pregnant so I can go back out to work to sort our finances out.

All I worry about is how we'll cope financially and it's getting me down, so down that I just seem to snap at my husband if he says the slightest thing wrong and I end up in floods of tears. I don't think he knows how to cope with my emotions.

Thanks for reading.

Emma

[jennie]

Dear Emma,
I'm sorry your feeling so bad .
Is this your first baby/pregnancy?
I was very depressed through my second pregnancy (due to pni with my first child...I spent the whole pregnancy terrified and found people wouldn't listen or were dismissive to how I was feeling)
I wish I could help in some way...
Perhaps write down the reasons you decided to have this baby.
Despite how bad I was I am totally dedicated to my two.

Is this Em,who was so ill and isnow training to be a sociol worker?
If it is then the work you have one in your recovery will be of use to you.Even if you do suffer it won't be as bad as first time.Your already putting your support network in place....

Here'sa hug and you'll always find a friend here.
With love
jennie.

[francoise]

hi emma
i think the hormone change which is massive makes women react in different ways , there are the lucky ones who sail through it without a care in the world loving every minute and feeling great and then there are those like a few on here who went through hell in pregnancy,if you think about it , its massive whats happening to your body, worries will get more harder to cope with and maybe your feelings will change again before the baby is due,it doesnt mean you wont want the baby when its born , its the pressure aswell i think which is massive and money worries are bad enough without a baby on the way, i think you should mention your feelings and worries to your midwife emma and maybe your partner could be there so he can hear what the midwife says, im assuming you have took maternity leave early or are you still working emma,is it not a job you could go back to and use childcare atall.
i think jennie is right , write down all the reasons you wanted a child , all your options with work and maybe look into childcare or a friend who could possibly help or a member of the family , might be a cheaper option , thats what me and my sister done , see if you can emma write down everything you can and then take your time to llok over it all and im sure things will seem brighter ,
if it seems to bad you should see your gp which i think your midwife would recommend is she thinks its not hormonal and if it is she will hopefully suggest things for you to help you cope ,good luck emma please keep talking on here , we are only to happy to listen and try to support you.
love francoise

[Carmen]

Hi Emma

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time with your pregnancy. I had two horrible pregnancies but now have 2 absolutely gorgeous boys out of it - so it was all worth it. Even though I hated people saying that to me during pregnancy! ............... so sorry for that..

I do know what you mean about not wanting to be pregnant as well. I remember calling my 2nd child a parasite as he was sucking all the life out of me. The hormones do go a bit crazy but it doesnt mean you will get PNI. I had a horrible time with both pregnancies but have only got PNI this time around.

I remember during my first pregnancy one day I couldnt find my medicare card (its a card you need for doctors visits over here) and I trashed our whole bedroom throwing everything everywhere then ended up sitting bawling my eyes out. On many occasions I had to leave work because of either throwing up too much or unstoppable tears - I was a complete mess. I also worried about the financial side of things, in fact I worried about everything. But the good news is that straight after giving birth the agression, sickness and uncontrollable moods just disappeared and I was the happiest person alive.

Is there anyone around you that has also had a horrible pregnancy? I found it really difficult to talk to people that had loved being pregnant and found it so much easier to talk to a friend that had also had horrible pregnancies - I felt like she was the only one that could really understand. Second time around when I was hospitalised I also had a fantastic nurse that had been through it for all 4 of her pregnancies and I found her to be a real life saver. Try and talk to your midwife about this - she will probably be more understanding than you think. Unfortunately society has this view of pregnant women "glowing" and unfortunately this is often not the case.

Take Care Emma
I really do feel for you
Love Carmen

[Cokey]

Hi Emma

Gosh, I was terribly depressed when I was pregnant. It got really bad towards the end. I couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying and was climbing the walls. My baby was born at 29 weeks and it stopped suddenly because I ahd to go into coping mode, whilst he got well in hospital but it did go. I didn't get PNI until he was 10 months old (although I probably had signs earlier).

I think the key to this thing we suffer, is to get help. I think if you get help now, you will benefit after your child is born. You will love that child so much and it will all be worth it. Financial worries are horrendous when you mentally fit, let alone when you are hormonally challenged and will be a key factor in your depression. Consider seeing your GP or midwife, this is very common. I wish I had.

Cokey xxx

PS I am thinking of you.

[wendabell]

Oh emma i really do feel for you .
Isnt it awful when at a time when you are expected to feel great by every one you dont.
There are so many presures in becoming a parent and its not until i became pregnant that i suddenly thought all the things that you do about ,working,finances,being a good mum,never having money to call your own etc.That and all the hormones that go like a whirlwind in your system is enough to get anyone down.
But you seem a little lower than just down.
Have you spoken to your midwife,tell her how you are feeling,dont keep this eating away at you honey.
Please carry on using this site if it helps you,we are all here to support eachother and share the good times and the bad.
Please seek help though, thats the first thing you should do,you need to look after yourself first.That little one can look after himself in there at the moment.
Talking to your hubby is the hardest thing for me and i snap at him all the time.
Would it be possible for him to go to see the midwife or Gp with you. It would be a first step together.
You didnt post much and im sorry to ask questions but is this your first pregnancy? What work do you do?
I dont mean to be disrespectful but was this one planned.
My third was a little unexpected you see and it does throw a bit of a spanner in the works of life and changes your initial feelings(mine) of the pregnancy.I was numb for ages denied it in work and carried on until i was nearly 4 months gone.Didnt know how to tell my hubby either.
Sending you a big hug. x.x.x

[jennie]

Carmen,
yes,I'd forgotten that with both my pregnancies(both wanted and planned) how I felt they drained everything out of me.
At the beginning I would be so ill.....
12 weeks and things calmed down a lot.

Have you had a scan yet Emma?

Once you see that little heart beating then it makes it seem real...and worth it...(that's what I found anyway)

[Emma]

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for the advice. To answer your questions: This pregnancy is planned and will be my first baby and very much wanted one too, but as some of you have said, pregnancy knocked your body way beyond what you can control and this I think is some of the problem. I'm not bothered about my weight as I lost over 1 1/2 stone in the early weeks cos of not eating due to sickness and going off most foods and this weight hasn't re-appeared as yet! (maybe a bit on my boobs if I'm honest!) but the hormones seem to have made me an emotional disaster.

I have have had two scans now, one at 12 wks and one last Monday (22 wks) which was a great relief to know everything is ok and the baby is growing and kicking away nicely. This has made it seem more real and i am now getting used to the idea, that my life is changing for the good.

I seem to be happier today, I am not working so am on Jobseekers Allowance which isn't much per week, but we're getting by. This I think is why I feel so down cos if I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't have given up work (I used to work in a day nursery and was exhausted after looking after the children all day) and I would be still working and we would be financially better off.
However when I went for an appointment at the Job Centre today I found a job for 6 hours a week as an administrator which the woman said would be good for me to do something. I agreed, as there aren't many jobs who would employ a 6 month pregnant woman who would be leaving to go on maternity leave soon. But she said I might be able to work and claim my benefit. So I will soon see when I send the application off.

All I seem to do too is snap at my husband and threaten to kick him out of bed cos he snores too much and keeps me awake. This I think is making me more distant from him and vica versa as I can't tell him how I'm feeling. I don't mean for this to happen, it just does and I feel so guilty because he does make sure I'm ok and he loves me to bits and has been doing all the house work recently because I've been tired.

I totally agree with you Carmen, society does think that pregnant women should be blooming, and I also think there should be more awareness that depression and unhappy times do happen in pregnancy.

Writing this down has helped and knowing that I'm not alone and when I see the midwife after Christmas I will be saying I am unhappy.

Thank you all again for your advice, I really appreciate it. Good luck with your families and have a good christmas everyone, you are so kind.

Love Emma xx

[jennie]

Emma,can I advise you to write down how you feel before you go to see your midwife .
I used to go in whilst pregnant with Dylan and they'd do all the check and it was like I didn't have the courage to say how bad I felt.I felt like I was just an incubator for the baby and I would only be listened too once the baby was born when I could have a diagnosive of pni....

Does it feel like all your doing is sitting in limbo waiting for the baby and then life can go on?(just realised that's how I felt during both pregnancies)

Speak to your gp before xmas as you don't have to be alone and you sound like you could do with support now....

[lisa1234]

Hi Emma,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I also had depression when I was pregnant. I did talk to the midwife about it and she shrugged it off as being just normal. I agree with what other people have said and you need to act on it whilst you're pregnant so that you are stronger once you've given birth. I wish I'd persisted and not just given up.

Financial worries are scary. I was (and still am) worried about cost of baby & childcare, etc. I sat down and worked out all our incoming money & outgoing money and realised we could afford things (just about). That helped me see it was all possible.

Take care,
Lisa xxx

[lucy]

hi emma

well you have certainly been given lots of good advice. i would just like to add a couple of things.

firstly congratulations on you pregnancy it must be so hard knowing how much you have wanted your baby and now for all these horrible hormones and emotions to mess it all up.

its ok, you have identified that you are feeling these things, please dont ignore them please dont wait ,tell your dr or husband or any one who will listen, i was really depressed when i had my third son and i so wish now i had told someone, every time i had my dr's appointment i would hope my blood presuure would be up or my wee would have something in it some reason for them to put me in hospital and take care of me, even though to the outside world i looked fine i wasnt, and i know that post natally i suffered because i should have got help sooner. apparently there are lots of medications tha yu can now take while pregnant so you can enjoy your pregnancy and baby when he or she arrives.

the other things about your finances are you in the uk or Australia. ??

write down everything that you owe, how much you earn everything, get it all on paper and it wont seem as bad. get rid of stuff you dont need and you will be fine. it is often amazing how you can get by on less. i find the more we have the more we spend but when you know you cant you cant. in australia ther are lots of good second hand shops around for baby things. remember the baby doesnt need everything they advertise, after having 4 babies i have worked out as long as they are happy and fed thats all they need. my went straight into a cot and a normal bath will do. there are lots of cheap creative things you can do to save money. but the best thing you can do right now for you and your baby is rest, give your worries away to your hubby and dr and ask for all the help you need.

thanks for sharing and if there is anything we can do just ask,

[wendabell]

Im glad you are feeling a little better now,
good luck with the job application,wow to find anemployer that wants a pregnant lady is a real find.
Hope i didnt offend you about asking if your pregnancy was planned or not,infact anyone reading this.Its just that for me my little suprise really blew me for six and didnt know how to take it at first but i have to admit once i saw the scan and felt her kick i started to change.
Dont wait too long to go to the midwife to tell her how you feel.
take good care.x.x.x.