What do you think??? HELP

[Anon07]

Girls - Please help and be as honest as you like!

I feel terrible but really need to off load and want to know if I am blowing things out or proportion as my family, counsellor and a close girlfriend think I am.

Anyway, while on holiday later last year with my DH and DS a mutual friend (male) came to stay for a few days. One nightafter a few drinks, and my DH & DS had gone to bed, me and this friend stayed up chatting and had a laugh dancing and clowning around. I cant remember much of the details but do remember feeling incredibly guilty and going to this guys room and having an argument. I remember saying that I couldn't believe I almost threw away my marraige and things - I was really upset and angry. I slept in the spare room and had a terrible dream about what I thought happened - this happens quite alot when I'm drinking ! Hence, why I dont drink that much!

The next day, I felt awful, not to mention dealing with PND but the fact that I had no idea what gone on and my DH and DS were up in bed oblivious - some mother and wife eh! I did speak to my friend who said we were just having a laugh and ended up doing a hollywood type kiss (you know a big over exaggerated peck!) while dancing, which is nothing at all. He said I was taking things way too serious and my DH wouldn't believe the story if I said anything. He said there was nothing to tell.

At this time he was actually secretly seeing a married woman, her marriage was over and no one knew about it, and was besotted with her (they're now together). He's a really good guy and has tried to reassure me! Also, he said that he would not have let things go further, but they weren't going to anyway. Do you think he was covering his tracks? My family who know him said he's not like that & wouldn't do that to me, but all sorts are going through my head. We're all still intouch and still good friends. I'm not sure if its the depression thats making it stick with me and making me think something has gone on? I think he may have told be about this girl when we were chatting cos he was pouring his heart out (I remember this) and maybe this is what I was dreaming about and put myself in her place - oh god I dont know!!!

What I'm wondering is though - why did I react the way I did? My girlfriend said cos I'm loyal to my husband (ha what a joke!), but I am and would hate to think anything happened. I was, and still am, feeling really insecure.

I want to tell my husband, but its quite awhile a go now and he's quite jealous and we have different views on things. I wouldn't mind him doing a "hollywood kiss" with someone but I'm not sure how he would be.

I'm so confused - sorry for long post! Please be honest though and if you think I'm a tart just say. P.S. My husband was my first proper boyfriend and we have been together for 15 years and the only person I've slept with - surely I would know if something untoward happened? I just feel a terrible mother and wife..........

[sianyc]

Like you asked, I will be honest and I really do think that it is getting out of proportion. You seem to be dwelling on it and worrying over it when perhaps if you hadn't been suffering with PNI, it would have been forgotten about.

It sounds like you were and still are scared of where it could have led rather than what actually happened. Most of us feel some sort of attraction to men that aren't our husbands/partners and I'll be the first to admit to some dreams that most definately were not about my oh! That's all they are though - it doesn't mean I would act on them or even feel like acting on the impulses if the opportunity arose.

Alcohol and PNI never mixed for me to be honest. I can't drink often now I've recovered as it affects my moods for a couple of days afterwards. When I had PNI, drinking anything at all made my symptoms much worse.

I'm guessing that you're probably wondering why you would feel so guilty and argure with your friend if it was just messing about. I know that I'd feel guilty if it happened to me as my oh wouldn't understand at all and would be incredibly hurt - that's likely where your guilt is coming from too - you know that he isn't going to see it the way it was.

You are not a tart and not a terrible wife nor mother. You're just a normal person who drank a bit much, had a laugh with a male friend and is concerned about crossing a line because of the alcohol. Try to leave it behind you lovely - I know it's easy to say but I really think that would be for the best.

[winegirl]

I am going to talk to you in the same way I would talk to any of my non-virtual friends now.

Forget about it!!

Yes you are getting all worked up about it - for no reason! You clearly have a huge concionse and that is very admirable, but nothing happened, nothing would have happened and there is nothing to tell!

Stop feeling guilty about nothing, you are totally innocent and should be proud of yourself that you handled the situation far better than a weaker willed woman with a shed load of booze would have done!

WG xxx

[Anon07]

Hi Ladies,

Thank you so much for your responses - makes me feel alot better!!!! I know deep down that I'm blowing it out of proportion and its the depression that's making me obsess about it. This awful PNI - grrrrr! The flaming niggly - 'yeah but what if'?!

I've thought about emailing the guy but know from before that he was getting fed up with me always bringing it up! My family have told me to forget about it and I do for awhile - probably cos I'm obsessing about something else and then wham I start all over.

I am going to try hard to forget about it tho! Thanks again for your responses - means alot! xx