Diary of a Hug Fiend

[cokey]

we just got mario kart and we are addicted. mario kart and cheese is my husbands ideal date!!!

Good luck at job centre.

Cokey xxx

[mummydonna]

Mario cart is rad and i often kick my OH's butt at it which is unusual for me in a computer game! So i love it!

We had a fab day today...altho i'm as high as a kite from this mania, but my OH has been on top form and not bothered by it (constant talking can be an annoying side effect), in fact we've had a lovely day - walking on the seafront with LO, having no plans and wondering round the shops all loved up not doing much.

The jobcentre said i have to call them tomo as altho my last day of employment is today i need to register with them tomo. Got to visit the health visitor tomo. OH and me have decided we don't like her, she was v stern and a bit rude to OH about his job. About as helpful as a hole in a lifeboat. Oh well. I wanted to ask her about LO diet.

LO in is bed now and we're gonna watch a bit of TV, perhaps a film and of course wii it up. Ran out of cheese but have wine and choc so no need to panic!

Hugs
MD

[winegirl]

LOL MD!

You crack me up with your wine, cheese and chocolate - you really do sound like me! LOL x

Hope you enjoy your evening hun and use up all your mania energy on that wii!!!

Love WG xx

[mummydonna]

Didn't get a chance to write yesterday too busy being manic! It was a good day, but feel exhausted today - it takes it toll on one physically.

Yesterday went to weigh LO - he's spot on 20 pounds which is perfect. Narrowly avoided seeing the evil HO she was busy with someone else, but i think i was meant to make an appointment with her - don't know why as she was 'king useless and a cow.

Afterwards went over to a friends house who also has PNI and she is fab and manic like me and really funny so it was nice to catch up as we've both been away on hol.

OH had the day off again but had a hangover and didn't want to do anything...he stayed in bed and at home til the early afternoon when i pestered him to come out and do something.

He was pretty grumpy, but we went to the pier and played some air-hockey and LO went on the baby rides which was sweet. We walked back along the seafront and stopped at the ice-cream cafe for a drink.

Found it hard to sleep as it was so hot and stormy, plus thinking about C's funeral. I dreamt about it last night...horrid. At the funeral my LO was there but went missing and i became hysterical.

Yesterday was having trouble getting a babysitter for it as it's a 3 hour drive away so it's gonna take up most of day, but my OH finishes work at 3pm. Nearly fell out with OH as he asked his mother to do it but she was busy with her daughter and her LO - but they live in the same town and she could have easily taken my LO out with them in the pushchair around town as they normally just walk round the shops and have coffee etc.

It resulted in OH saying the old chestnut of "at least my mum's more help than your mum"...classic. I love him so much but sometimes he just does my nut! So he's gonna have to take the day off work. Work...another thing that is a pain...he's wanted to get another job for the past two years, but doesn't and it's only 11 grand a year and even now i ask him - as he could easily get a better paid job and i know it sucks being interviewed and all the rest of it but we're skint!!!

AHHHHH rant!!!!!!!!!!!

Then to top it off....we're in bed ready to sleep and he says he is stressed and wouldn't be surprised if he had a heart attack by the next few years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When i said it was in porr taste and you really know how to get off my panic attacks it took him 5mins to work out why!!!!!!

I'm just worried bout tomo...and gotta sit in a car with my evil sis too!!! That is enough to drive anyone over the edge. Any bets on whether or not she's pissed when we leave at 10am?

rants and hugs
a frazzled MD

[winegirl]

Hi MummyDonna

Best of luck for tomorrow babes x I know it will be hard and can see why you are stressed about it but I know you will be ok. x

As for your OH - sounds like he just needs a good shake up babes! Sometimes men need telling whta to do I think!

Sorry its a quickie - I am at work, but just wanted you to know I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

Take Care

WG xx

[cokey]

Hi MD

I am at my aunts funeral tomorrow too, so I will be thinking of you. Its not nice but if we virtually hold hands it will be just another day. We are used to feeling bad, so we are strong.

Let us know how you get on.

Cokey xxx

[mummydonna]

thanks gals

i will def be virtually holding your hand Cokey...you can count on it hun! I'll be thinking of you. Hope you've been ok today...i've been feeling it, guess it's only just really started sinking in. It was such a shock.

been feeling bit low and it keeps going round my head that we never properly made up as we fell out, not majorly, but a bit and now there is not time to make ammends. She's gone and i can never say anything to her ever again.

But i think it's normal..well, nothing PNI, i'm just grieving i guess. I know i'll be fine WG...like Cokey says we are strong! and i have your support and my nice sis will be there as well as the "evil one".

On a positive note, a contact got back to me about the PNI research and she was more than helpful and kind so it's starting to get going.

hugs all round
MD

[winegirl]

Hi MD

Great news that one of your contatcs got back to you xx Are you on facebook hun? Let us know if you are as I have loads of PNI links on there.

I will be thinking of both you and Cokey tomorrow and will b virtually standing in between you holding your hands. Love to you both xx

WG x

[cokey]

Hi MD

Yes its normal to grieve and especially for you as it was very sudden.

Think of something spiritual and nice you can do at the weekend (feeding birds, taking a walk) or just shopping, something nice to focus on.

take care xxxx

[mummydonna]

thanks girls...today was managable....i'm shattered tho'. Left at 9.30 and got back home at 7.30pm. It was really hard....to me i just can't get my head round it....it doesn't make sense. At least with other people i've lost they had a long life....my friend passing at 21 seems so wrong.

It freaks me out also that something might happen to me and my LO will suffer. On the way there, i suffered from anxiety that we would have a car accident and i couldn't get hold of my OH on the phone all day and was thinking the worst.

It has really made me think tho' - life is far too short and it makes me want to do all the things i want to do, like my Phd and other things. Gonna take it easy tomo, perhaps go to the park or something for the LO.

I like the idea of shopping being spiritual Cokey!!!!! lol. Prob will avoid shops at the w/e tho as crowds freak me out. I think i'm going to take the positive out of this and use it to grab life by the horns. I was imagining holding both your hands gals..thanks xxx

hugs
MD

[mummydonna]

forgot to say WG i am on facebook

[winegirl]

Hi MD

I am glad it went as well as could be expected babes. You must be shatterd now! Get yourself some wine and cheese out...

Since you are on Facebook, search for Helen Auld in Nottingham and add me on and I will forward you any PNI links I have for you to look into babes xx

Hope you can have a pretty chilled evening x

Take Care

WG x

[mummydonna]

What a shit day

Stayed over my sis's house as had family bbq and was meant to go back on the bus with OH as i can't take the baby on my own i freak out. Phoned OH at 10am to arrange it and he said he had work so i would have to go on my own...he said he told me he had and all his shifts changed. I'm sure he didn't as i needed him to help me plus i start work next week and i have arranged all my shifts around his shifts!!!! It's totally f**ked me over.

We got in an argument, he was so uncaring he could have at least tried to make other arrangements for me to get home. He didn't care i was a state and just said "well, your gonna have to get the bus sometime"

We have fallen out lots this week about his work. He wasn't allowed time off to cover childcare while i went to the funeral (she even worked at his work!!) and i asked him to arrange 2 months ago the friday night off and saturday - one my friends 21at party and second the family bbq where we were meant to be meeting my dad'd fiance's family. He confessed today that he hadn't arranged it with work...lying toad!

OH then said he was up til 2am crying as he is not happy....i asked him what with he said everything. Including me and LO. He said i ask too much of him and that something needs to change. WTF!!!??

I stayed on at my sisters as was in such a state i didn't want to be on my own.

I don't know what to do

[cokey]

Hi MD

Firstly I am glad the funeral went okay. Its very sad when someone dies so young and at my aunts funeral I could accept it because even though she was only 59 its still a part of a life. the first 2 funerals I ever went to were of very young people and they are so different. So well done. Its good you came out of it so positively.

The thing with your OH is almost identical to how my husband has been with me this time. Last time he got moody once I was well, this time he is almost depressed too. It makes it really hard then because we are thinking of our babies and working so hard to get better and we need their help in this but sadly they are a bit more selfish.

I am so sorry things have been a bit rough though for you because I know how outrageously upsetting it is. Its hard to handle BUT it will pass and you will both be okay, together.

You have been there for me in my diary when things were like this with my husband and a week later he is still a pig but we are okay again.

Renind him PNi is an illness like any other, and if you had cancer you would get more support and sympathy, yet PNI is equally as destructive and at times dangerous. Its understandable he finds it hard but he can find support through this site too.

Sorry to rant on.

Let us know how you are.

Cokey xxx

[mummydonna]

I'm really sorry bout your Aunt and thinking of you darln...glad to hear your doing well tho' Cokey You never rant...well no more than the rest of us! lol

Today has been hard...lots of arguments with OH - don't wanna go into it...quite pissed off he didn't even say sorry for messing everything up - i said he gotta sort it out and support the family or the only other choice is to leave.

We're ok tonight - but nothing really resolved. I'm just so tired from it all. Start work tomo now, so hopefully that will give me a bit of space for a few hours.

I'll prob talk more tomo

hugs
MD