Post by kels on Jul 9, 2008 18:56:18 GMT
I'm so nervous about writing a diary, I'm scared that someone will read it and find me and take my kids away, scared that someone who knows me will read it and judge me, scared of facing the illness i have.
All these considered, I think that writing down my thoughts and sharing what I'm going through will help, and hopefully help me become ME again.
I have a son who is 2 yrs 10 months, I had an awful pregnancy, no illness, just hated being pregnant, it was a real shock to the system, I guess it is to most women. Every little pain I had I was convinced I was going to lose him. Everything was fine.
I had the most hurrendous labour lasting 24 hours, not even getting to 3cm, and ended up having an emergency section, hemmoraging quite badly, because of this I wasn't able to care for him for a week following his birth, my mum fed him, slept in the same room as him, and became mum.
I think because of this I found it very hard to bond with him for months. I used to try to be a normal mum, going to toddler groups, but found it hard to relate to how they felt about their children, I used to read about other mums saying they felt this overwhelming love for their baby, and I didn't feel that.
about 8 months old I finally felt this love, but also realised something was wrong and went to see the gp who confirmed I had pni. prescribed me with pills and a months later I was preggers. I came off the pills and tried to enjoy pregnancy 2.
I did, I loved my son like others would describe loving theirs and looked forward to the birth of baby number 2.
6th September 2007
My waters broke about 10pm and went straight into full blown contractions, straight to hospital and was fully expecting to be in full blown labour but was only 2cm. 8 hours later, apart from extreme contractions nothing was happening, so they rushed me in for an emergency section. The section went well, but the surgeon found a bloody clot on my uterus and I was bleeding quite severly and told my husband to leave, baby too, as they would need to put me under general. I went into complete panic mode expecting never to wake up and never to have seen my little boy.
I woke up 4 hours later, had to blood transfusions but blessed with the most content baby ever.
All these considered, I think that writing down my thoughts and sharing what I'm going through will help, and hopefully help me become ME again.
I have a son who is 2 yrs 10 months, I had an awful pregnancy, no illness, just hated being pregnant, it was a real shock to the system, I guess it is to most women. Every little pain I had I was convinced I was going to lose him. Everything was fine.
I had the most hurrendous labour lasting 24 hours, not even getting to 3cm, and ended up having an emergency section, hemmoraging quite badly, because of this I wasn't able to care for him for a week following his birth, my mum fed him, slept in the same room as him, and became mum.
I think because of this I found it very hard to bond with him for months. I used to try to be a normal mum, going to toddler groups, but found it hard to relate to how they felt about their children, I used to read about other mums saying they felt this overwhelming love for their baby, and I didn't feel that.
about 8 months old I finally felt this love, but also realised something was wrong and went to see the gp who confirmed I had pni. prescribed me with pills and a months later I was preggers. I came off the pills and tried to enjoy pregnancy 2.
I did, I loved my son like others would describe loving theirs and looked forward to the birth of baby number 2.
6th September 2007
My waters broke about 10pm and went straight into full blown contractions, straight to hospital and was fully expecting to be in full blown labour but was only 2cm. 8 hours later, apart from extreme contractions nothing was happening, so they rushed me in for an emergency section. The section went well, but the surgeon found a bloody clot on my uterus and I was bleeding quite severly and told my husband to leave, baby too, as they would need to put me under general. I went into complete panic mode expecting never to wake up and never to have seen my little boy.
I woke up 4 hours later, had to blood transfusions but blessed with the most content baby ever.
