Asthma V's Smoking grandparents

[gizmoracer]

I really really need some help. As many of you will know my son has very severe Asthma and has recently been back in hospital because of it.

My problem is this. Every other saturday my children go to my parents for the day, they love going and get on very well with them to the extent that my Mum is their second Mum especially to my son as we were living with her when he was born. However. Both my parents smoke very heavily. They say they don't smoke around the kids. I wouldn't like to say this is certain due to how they were when we went on holiday together once and my husband asked them not to smoke in the caravan, they still did. The main problem is their house. Lets be fair I can't demand they give up (trust me I tried that one when I was a kid) but they do smoke in their house. Fine its their house who am I to say what they should and shouldn't do but it stinks, even when they air it out specifically for when the kids go over. The smell is inground. My problem is that I have to tell them that the kids cannot visit them in their house The kids really want to go and I don't want to have to stop them but it is their health I'm looking after here. If I could get them to stop smoking indoors and have it properlly cleaned/aired then it wouldn't be a problem. The house really is that bad. My Mums best friend refuses to visit them and even my husband (when he smoked himself, now given up) could smell it so bad that he couldn't stay there.

What do I do? How do I word it? Please help.

[littlelotty]

Hi Giz

You are really in a dilema there. I totally agree with you though on your child's health. I would be the same. I think you need to sit down with them and be honest and see if you can come up with a comprimise. I am sure they will agree about your child's health considering his severe asthma.

I dont envy you though as it is very difficult.

Let us know how it goes.

Littlelotty
xx

[caterina]

Hiya
I have a similar situation with one of my relatives who smoke heavily and I don't let my LO go there at all. I'm not suggesting you stop your kids from going to your parents but they must understand that you need to protect your LO's asthma. (I'm an ex smoker who understands how difficult it is to quit, but not the annoying type who now hates smokers, I just won't let people smoke around my kids)

I have kind of worked out a system where my relative comes to my house to see LO or we go out, that way my LO doesn't breathe the smoke but the peace is kept as public places in Scotland are all non smoking now. It's trickier for you as it's grandparents where mine is a more distant relative.
Could your hubby speak to them perhaps? Let us know how you get on, good luck xx

[sianyc]

I'm not very good with subtlety I'm afarid. When G's mum and stepdad smoked in front of Caitlin as a baby, I FREAKED. Shouted at them and everything. Mind you, G had already asked them not to smoke in front of her and to go outside but they ignored him. Really peed me off.

When one of my sil had her youngest, they jnew she was being born with a severe heart condition and my mil gave up smoking completely then. My sil told her she had to not smoke in her house to be able to get visits from the grandchildren and couldn't smoke for half an hour before holding her. They told her the consultant had said it - he had said for her not to be around smokers but they really dressed it up and it worked a treat

[gizmoracer]

Sounds like you got a good result there

I am surviving at the moment by avoiding the subject as much as possible. I did have a word with my mum and told her how the hospital were getting very aggitated about it and having a go at us saying we must keep him well clear of any smokey environments. She just says that they don't smoke around the kids and that they do air the house before the kids go round there. I agreed and said that I know they do but unfortunatly it is just inground into the house now.

We have been getting away with it by meeting at my Nans instead but the kids are getting fed up of that one coz my mum and dads has different and better toys there. I don't want to cause too much of a fuss because my mum is under alot of stress already with family stuff.

I am meant to be going out in a few weeks with my dad so should be able to talk to him better and the kids and I are going out for a day with my mum soon too so I will try again then. The only other option is to let them go over then say that he has been wheezing in the night, but I don't want to go down that road unless its true coz of worrying them (and the little monster would probably tell them otherwise anyway).