Should I be worried...

[newmodel]

It is really not easy to ask, but really I have to. (I put it down to my new year resolution to get myself out of the black hole that is sucking me in and my kids...)
Dh and I never really had great sex... well it was great when we had it at the start of the relationship... then, it just did fade away in frequency over the years. We have been together almost 11 years, I had to beg (tears and all) for my first DD, 4 years ago, and almost fill in an application form for the 2nd DD who is 8 months now.
We had many rows and arguments about sex, the lack of it and me getting despaired at not having children, no wonder I feel I forced him now... as it is /was always me having to start things going.
To resume we argued a lot about it, and it didn't improve.
After DD1 our relationship really degraded, on other levels than sex, trust is totally gone as I had many proofs that he lies to me on some petty things (he likes to have a secret life, "that is NONE of my business" he says) there's really not much left for me to him (and then again a despaired part of me who wants to have someone there in life,someone who clearly doesn't want to and says it as well...), it is a bit like living with a ghost...
Anyway,a while back (now obviously he hides even more about it and does it somewhere else I guess) I noticed he was very keen for all of us (me and the kids) to leave for bed so he could surf porn websites... fine.
But we come to it, what am worried about is that those sites he was going on where of under-age girls... Some where also foreign and etc...
At the time I was really scared and I guess I could not understand why he REFUSES to talk about it (well at least to let me know what is going on - I can take a lot, like he had pity of me, that is why we are together, so I can take a lot of rejection...LOL) but I was worried that he doesn't see that I have 2 girls... and they are going to grow up as teenagers too...
What am I suppose to think?
I just want to understand his position/opinion regarding sex with underage girls with ADULTS his age...

Please help me, I find it so hard to deal with things that are scaring me, especially when there's no one to discuss it with, that is why I came here, I hope you ladies can bring me a more objective approach to my fears.

x X x

Aline

[littlelotty]

Hi Aline

I can understand a lot of what you have written. Me and my hubby sex life was good before we had our LO but then it all went! I didnt want any sex really and it caused a lot of problems for us. My hubby surfs porn sites at night when i am in bed - caught him out once - he will kill me for writing this on here lol. We ended up going to relate for months of counselling and it saved our marriage and the best thing we ever did. I would recommend it to anyone and it taught us how to communicate and we realised we didnt do that just say everyday things not how we felt and what we were thinking etc etc. We also learnt what the other person wants and needs in the relationship and how the other person can give that. So much more but maybe something you can talk to your hubby about as it isnt anything to be ashmed of going to relate.

Try not too worry about the sex thing though as i think you need to deal with the underlying problems which are causing you to feel the way you both do.

I hope that makes some sense!!

Take care hun

Littlelotty
xx

[winegirl]

Hi Aline

I think if he is looking at sites with teenage girls on it he may start to realise as your own daughters grow up that he needs to stop. Its like teh guys i used to work with. They used to wind each other up saying they fancied their colleagues daughters, but didnt like it when it was said back to them!

I cannot say much about the sex life between you guys as my own is a shambles at the mo (down to me though not hubby). But perhaps you could suggest going to relate with him to talk your concerns through? I know its an option I am looking at myself..

WG x