holding on !!!

[tracy77]

hi there everyone i was wondering do the days get any easier im having a really bad day today ive been looking after my little girl but y does it feel like the bad thoughts never go away how do u deal with them what can i do to make things better
it feel like my head is going at a hundred miles an hour and that every day is a struggle
im on loads of medication but to be honest i dont really think there working anymore !!!
i feel really sad beacause i feel like im letting myself down ive been through so much (abuse as a child) and i managed to get on with life so y is this ilness stopping me
please if anyone has any ideas i would love to hear them
tracy

[winegirl]

Hi Tracy

Sorry you have had such a tough day hun x Yes the days do get easier - im afraid its just a bot of a slow process. You will find that you will get the odd good day. Then a few good days, then more good days than bad etc... This is how it works for most of us anyway.

If you want to talk about the abuse or read other peoples experiences check out our issues around abuse thread. You are not alone darl.

Hang in there, I promise it gets better, and we are here in the meantime to hold your hand through this.

Huge hugs (())

WG xx

[louloubexs]

Hi Tracy. I am also recovering from PP, and was diagnosed when my son was 6 days old.

I went manic then am now going through the depressive stage. Whats meds are you on? I was on Olanzapine, and they weren't really helping me. I was on them for three months. To cut a really long story short I was in a mixed acute ward for four days followed by a mbu for three months. When I came home I had a relapse and couldn't get out of bed for nearly a month. I was suffering with clinical aniexty I was shaky all the time...the works....!!!

I then went onto anti d's followed by another anti-psychotics. It took time I am still not fully there yet but things WILL ease. My son is now 10 months and while I still struggle with the thoughts they do die down. Some days are better than others. I still am struggling but I am not as bad as I was. There is a lady on here called Andrea who is now fully recovered. Her Montage is inspiring. Have you seen in?

The only words of advise I can say, is take each day at a time, if thats to much take it minute by minute.

I am still in recovery myself so dont normally post, but your thread struck a nerve and I know what you are going through. Everyone keeps telling me it will take time, and hun thats what it takes....just keep going. Put one foot in front of the other.

Do you manage to get out? I also had another sting as when you go psychcotic you have to inform the dvla, so I was without a driving licence in the middle of the sticks...for five months!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just remember this is an illness and it takes time, I never would have thought six months ago, I'd be trying to help someone else.

I also reed a book, called eyes without sparkle, by a lady called Elaine Hanszac. A journey through her pni. Read it when your a big stronger it may help.

Just a final note I shook and woke up feeling like shit for a while, it used to start with me wakng up feeling shaky then my convincing myself I would feel like that forever. It has eased a lot, now I can wake up and feel ok, in time I am hoping to wake up feeling good.

I promise you, you wont always feel like this, in my darkest moments they also prescribe my Diazapam. I didn't use it in the end as it didn't help and just made me feel groggy.

Hope this helps.

Much Love Lou xx

[winegirl]

Hey Loulou

I am glad you have mentioned the book Eyes Without Sparkle by Elaine Hanzak as she is our patron and now gives talks on PP all over the world! Hers really is a true story of recovery.

I was just posting here because I too had the shakes and anxiety on waking every morning. It went on for nearly 2 years! But it did ease and these days I dont wake up like this anymore (thank god), it was one of the hardest things for me.

Anyway, I think your post to Tracy is great, and I am sure you will be fully recovered soon hun, you really are positive in your post.

WG x

[louloubexs]

To Winegirl, Thank god, someone else who shook? I am still shaky not as bad as I was...but have pick up this awful habit of checking my hands and looking if they shake!!! Did your hands shake............and will it ever end, this is what winds me up the most. As I can normally talk my wasy out of the silly thoughts I have.

Luckily when I went manic I went superhigh and thought my son Jacob was some sort of god....so I went the other way. Totally losing touch with reality and ended up being sectioned!!!

The worst part for me was I was in a secure unit, as they had no where else for me to go, and I was put on a mixed ward as they had no places on the womens only ward. It was awful as I actually work in a prison for young offenders and it remind me of that. I was seacrhed on my arrival, had things took of me that I wasn't allowed. It was heartbreaking. I had never been ill in my life and ended up going insane 6 days after I had Jacob. Thank god for an amazing MW as she spotted it as soon as she saw me.

I still have nightmares about that hosptial as they treated me so badly, and another thing none of the nurses wore uniform so it really confused me,as i didn't know who were patients and who were staff!!!

Sorry to offload, just started typing, and couldn't stop!!
oh Winegirl how is your course going?

Lots of love.

P.s Tracy are you ok? xx

[winegirl]

Hey Loulou

It was wierd. My whole arms shook. I used to descibe it to my husband like having an electric shock every morning that went on, but it was actually adrenalin going nuts round my body. It was a high state of anxiety from the moment I started to wake up till about lunch time. As time went on it was every morning but only for about an hour, then I started getting mornings without it, and now its all gone (thank god).

Im sorry for what you went through on your ward. I am due to start training on monday but wont get my fist placement for about 6 weeks, and will be interested to see how the psych and mother and baby wards really are inside. I want to make a difference and be able to comfort the patients in care, not frighten them even more than they already are!

It is no surprise that you still have nightmares. And perhaps when you are up to it you can seek help in the form of counselling to go through what you experienced on your ward?

Keep talking here if it helps too, we are always listening x

WG xx

[HintOfSunshine]

I just wanted to say hi Tracy,

I know what you're going through right now. You will get through this, there is an end believe me! Life will be wonderful again.

Thinkin of you (& everyone else who is currently battling)
Axx