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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 6, 2009 23:13:32 GMT
Since having Peurepal Pyschosis, diagnosed 18 months ago I have completely gone off sex. My poor husband has been great and not demanding at all, but I'd really like to restore that aspect of my marriage.
I looked at a poll in an earlier thread and it seems quite common to PNI for women to lose it from 1-2 years after giving birth. That definitely describes me.
The anti-pyschotics made me gain 3.5st in weight so I feel totally unsexy and I hardly recognise the person in the mirror. I've lost 11lb so far so am hoping to have lost the weight by Christmas, but I can't not have sex till then, especially since I am now recovered and nearly every other aspect is back to normal.
The trouble is, while I was in the depths of PND, sex seemed almost repulsive to me and only good for making babies which I didn't want to do. I'm finding it hard to shake those feelings, although I know I don't belive them.
Will my sex drive return as my recovery strengthens? I want to feel like a woman and wife again and not just a Mum.
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Post by gizmoracer on Jun 7, 2009 8:26:52 GMT
Hi. It's great to hear that you are recovering. The sex drive element seems to be one of he last things to get back to normal from what I have noticed. Obviously gaining the weight has been playing on your mind and isn't helping. Well done with the amount you've lost already. Try to remember that its not how big you are that matters its the confidence thats shines through that appeals more. Easier said than done, I know.
I think also its the fear of the unknown that stops us. You didn't say if you havent been having sex at all or just from time to time. As I started to recover I found that forcing myself to make an effort every so often helped me see what stage I was at. This would generally end up with us in a strange routine of me wanting it all the time for about a week and then not wanting to know for another 2 or 3 but gradually this evened out.
Not really sure what to suggest as I personally found I just had to wait for it to return as I got better.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 7, 2009 14:20:50 GMT
I dont know if mine will ever come back... if I am truly honest sex almost repulses me these days! Think there must be some underlying issues there.. But will def work on it just to keep my marriage!
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 7, 2009 21:01:10 GMT
Hi, thanks for your replies.
Well in answer to your question, we have tried to be intimate twice. The first time we didn't have full on sex cos my husband didn't want to rush me, and the second time we tried sex but it was really painful and sore for me so we had to stop, which I felt bad about for my husband's sake.
We didn't have sex during pregnancy as at first I was worried about miscarriage and then later on when the bump grew my husband just didn't feel like it even though I did - he felt more protective of the baby and said it was kind of weird to have sex with a baby kicking and moving inside me. So all in all we haven't had sex for about 2 years!
I am hoping to try sometime soon, just waiting for an early night when my son is behaving and sleeping well and we're both not too exhausted. But to be honest the way I feel, I could quite easily go without but I know that wouldn't be so good for my marriage.
Winegirl, how long have you suffered from PNI or are you recovered now? I do know what you mean about sex seeming repulsive - I never felt like that before PND and have always had quite a high sex drive in the past. I really hope there is hope for us in this area.
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Post by monica on Jun 10, 2009 13:00:07 GMT
hello
I'ts very common to lose your sex drive or even feel replused the idea of it when you have PNI - meds can make this worse - I guess it affects your nervoius system and I found my libido went out the window completely, although it did slowly come back. Issues affecting how you feel, ie putting on weight, confidence prob obviously can also affect it, also finding intercourse painful is bound to put you off.
Why not try doing it slowly - by that I mean start off just kissing a bit then move onto massage so you don't feel rushed at all.Have you tried talking abou it wi3th your oh? Although hard, if you're both open and singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak this might make things easier.
Perhaps see your dr who might have other ideas too? It is hard whenyou are so tired. Myself and my oh hardly ever have sex - difficult to schedule it in and quite frankly I'm so tired I dont' have the energy to do anything physical!
All thebest
Monica
Monica
Have you tried
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 13, 2009 22:08:56 GMT
I did speak to my husband about this, and it turns out that not having sex has affected him more than I thought. He says he's missed it a lot and often feels quite pent up from going without. I never knew this as he's been so kind and patient waiting till I've felt like it again. But he also said that it wouldn't feel right going straight to having sex again from zero and that somehow we need to bring some romance back into our lives to get us going again ... trouble is we're both stuck for ideas, as we can't afford fancy nights out or hotels. I'm trying to be more affectionate during the day so as to perk us up a bit. Hopefully we'll get there. I'm really hoping that when we do eventually get round to it, my body will get turned on even if my mind is saying it's not bothered. Because, I'm really not in the mood for sex at all. But I want to be for my husband's sake.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 14, 2009 13:24:44 GMT
Candles? Massage? DVD? Thats a bit of you time for your both without the stresses of normal life to help you relax a bit?
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 15, 2009 12:43:37 GMT
Yeah WG, it's probably worth a try. I'm having a low patch at the moment and just really can't be bothered but I know I need to make the effort.
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Post by monica on Jun 16, 2009 21:13:20 GMT
Why not get him to give you a massage - agree that's all it will be so you don't feel pressurised and just enjoy it.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 17, 2009 11:57:27 GMT
Good idea, I would love a massage.
The other hindrence at the moment is how tired we both are. I can push through it, but my husband can't and just falls aleep as soon as his head hits the pillow (I am jealous). We never seem to get to bed earlier than 10:30pm (in fact that's an early night) so we're in a bit of a rut. I told him last night that he needs to make an effort, because I'm making one and I'm not even bothered about having sex! Not sure I should have told him that, but he was very sleepy so perhpas he'll forget I said it. If he reaslies how indifferent I am to it at the moment, I know that will really put him off. He always wants to know I'm enjoying sex as much as him - I just hope that will be true when the time comes.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 17, 2009 15:10:47 GMT
Im more like your hubby, my head hits the pillow at 10pm and im gone - just unable to push through the tiredness! Perhaps plan one night a week where you can plan to stay up a bit late and spend some time together??
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 17, 2009 16:16:12 GMT
I am envious of people who can fall asleep that easily. I'm having to take sleeping tablets to help me at the moment as since I came off anti-psychotics my mind kind of goes into overdrive at bedtime.
Anyway, I think we will have to plan a night to ourselves WG like you say. I really hope we can sort this out soon.
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 20, 2009 18:35:45 GMT
Well, we had a chat last night over a drink in the pub (blissful night away from being 'a Mum' in ages thanks to kind babysitter)
We've decided to take things slow, but spice up the bedroom with new silky sheets, candles and sexy underwear for me (not sure how I feel about wearing it seeing as I'm still overweight) Then we're going to have some bedroom 'dates' every now and again to try and get things going again. It turns out hubbie feels just as awkward as me about it, because he's felt like my carer for the past 18 months rather than a husband.
I had some sexy dreams last night so that's a first since having baby and perhaps a good sign, and I'm proud to say they were about hubbie too.
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Post by winegirl on Jun 21, 2009 8:24:47 GMT
LOL - that is great! I really hope these measures help get you guys in the mood x
It is lovely to see you being so pro-active about all this, something i wish I had done when we started to have troubles then i wouldnt be in the mess i am in now with it! Good for you xx
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Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 21, 2009 10:45:18 GMT
Thanks WG, I hope it works too.
Is it really that bad for you? Sorry to hear that. Have you considered counselling? We nearly went to a trusted counsellor to talk it through but reasoned we should try on our own first, plus it is a bit embarassing talking to someone else about it but I know it helps many people.
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