Post by Bookwormprincess on Jun 10, 2009 21:22:25 GMT
My husband and I really want to have another baby and have always dreamed of having a large family. I am determined to not let my experience with PP rob us of that, no matter how terrified I am of it happening again. Even the thought of another pregnancy and newborn fills my stomach with anxiety, but my heart breaks to think if I don't overcome it I will never have more children and my son will be an only child.
So, as I couldn't stop obessing about it last night, I wrote down what I think are the reasons why I was diagnosed with PP 5 days after my son's birth 18 months ago. I accept that it is an illness, but I also believe that there were many contributing factors that led to it developing. I also wrote a plan on how to avoid some of the same stress factors that may have triggered it, so that next time maybe it won't happen again.
Here are my thoughts:
The Triggers
1. Sleep Deprivation
The night before the morning my waters broke and labour began, I maybe had 3 or 4 hours sleep. 19 hours of agonising labour followed. I then didn’t have opportunity to sleep until the following night. So in total I went without sleep for 39 hours. Imagine running for 19 hours and then not being able to sleep for a further 20 hours, only to have that sleep disturbed by a crying hungry baby who needed you to feed him.
2. Fibromyalgia Flare
After giving birth, my pre-existing chronic pain and fatigue condition of fibromyalgia flared worse than it had ever done before. I felt weak, light-headed, and my muscles were cramped from head to toe. The muscle cramps were so bad that I found it difficult to walk. Even holding my baby (who was only 6lb10) left my arms feeling bruised, as my muscles were so tender. Walking up and down stairs was particularly difficult and I looked like an 80year old woman! This flare lasted 4-5 days. I was in agony during one particular night and we had to phone the on-call doctor and ask her to come out to administer pain relief. This in itself was stressful, as the doctor didn’t seem to believe I had fibromyalgia and was very reluctant to give me anything for the pain.
3. Feeling traumatised by childbirth
The moment my waters broke I began trembling, indicating an underlying nervousness and fear rather than the excitement I thought I’d feel. My dream of a relaxed water birth was shattered as baby’s heartbeat was dimming with each contraction. As labour progressed I was shocked by the intensity of the pain. I was told it was worse due to the position of the baby’s back lying against my back. As I didn’t react well to gas and air and the pethidine injection did nothing for the pain, I was left without pain relief because we’d left it too late for an epidural. It was the actual pushing the baby out that traumatised me. My personality seemed to change and I scared myself as I screamed with the pain of each push. I had no stamina left and I had serious doubts as to whether I would be able to birth the baby at all. When my baby eventually came out, I felt genuine surprise at seeing him. I’d almost forgotten that the pain and agony had a purpose. In the days that followed I couldn’t stop reliving it and wishing it had happened differently.
4. Feeling anxious about the care of my baby and having to give up breastfeeding.
I knew I was not physically well enough to look after my newborn, which left all the care to my husband. But I was worried about his ability to cope, as he was seriously sleep deprived too. I felt responsible for both of them but could do next to nothing to help. I felt impotent and useless, even more so because I had made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding because of my lack of sleep and the amount of pain I was in from the fibromyalgia flare.
5. Dramatic drop in hormones
The drastic drop in pregnancy hormones 3 days after giving birth would have had a profound effect on any women’s mental state (which is usually when normal ‘baby blues’ set in). The effect on me was compounded by the extreme stress I was under from lack of sleep and debilitating intense muscle pain
6. Pre-disposition to depression
Since I had a history of depression this greatly increased my chances of developing post-natal illness. Unfortunately, I had stopped taking anti-depressants when I conceived, and I overlooked the signs of depression returning in the last month of my pregnancy as I assumed every heavily pregnant woman felt like that when they couldn’t wait any longer for the 9 months to be over. So perhaps my genes played a huge part in causing the chemical imbalance that induced puerperal psychosis.
Steps to take to prevent it happening again:
A. Have a Caesarean Section
Although there will be a recovery period from major abdominal surgery, the intense debilitating flare-up of fibromyalgia and sleep deprivation from a long labour will be avoided.
B. Take anti-depressants throughout pregnancy
The benefits to me in taking them may outweigh any risks to the baby, but there are types that are approved safe for pregnancy. It may help my emotions remain level in the last stages of pregnancy and in the days after the birth. The baby will have to be checked in the days following birth for signs of withdrawal, and I will have to deal with any guilt I feel about exposing my unborn baby to drugs.
C. Once back home, limit the number of professionals and home help coming in and out.
Try to keep an atmosphere of peace and calm at home and nap when baby naps. Ask the midwives and health visitors for pre-arranged visiting times rather than having to stay awake all day for them.
D. Bottle feed from the start
Do not even attempt to breast-feed to avoid stress and put less strain on myself. This will allow Myles and I to take night feeding in turns, so that we can both get good nights sleep every other night.
E. Ellis (my son)
Ask my parents to have Ellis stay with them for a week to allow time to settle with the new baby, with Ellis visiting us once a day. Or if not possible, arrange for the childminder to have Ellis from 9-5 for 5 days.
Any other thoughts about how to prevent PNI returning would be gratefully received. We are hoping to try for another baby at the end of the year (mind you, if I don't get my sex drive back by then, it might be pretty tricky!).
So, as I couldn't stop obessing about it last night, I wrote down what I think are the reasons why I was diagnosed with PP 5 days after my son's birth 18 months ago. I accept that it is an illness, but I also believe that there were many contributing factors that led to it developing. I also wrote a plan on how to avoid some of the same stress factors that may have triggered it, so that next time maybe it won't happen again.
Here are my thoughts:
The Triggers
1. Sleep Deprivation
The night before the morning my waters broke and labour began, I maybe had 3 or 4 hours sleep. 19 hours of agonising labour followed. I then didn’t have opportunity to sleep until the following night. So in total I went without sleep for 39 hours. Imagine running for 19 hours and then not being able to sleep for a further 20 hours, only to have that sleep disturbed by a crying hungry baby who needed you to feed him.
2. Fibromyalgia Flare
After giving birth, my pre-existing chronic pain and fatigue condition of fibromyalgia flared worse than it had ever done before. I felt weak, light-headed, and my muscles were cramped from head to toe. The muscle cramps were so bad that I found it difficult to walk. Even holding my baby (who was only 6lb10) left my arms feeling bruised, as my muscles were so tender. Walking up and down stairs was particularly difficult and I looked like an 80year old woman! This flare lasted 4-5 days. I was in agony during one particular night and we had to phone the on-call doctor and ask her to come out to administer pain relief. This in itself was stressful, as the doctor didn’t seem to believe I had fibromyalgia and was very reluctant to give me anything for the pain.
3. Feeling traumatised by childbirth
The moment my waters broke I began trembling, indicating an underlying nervousness and fear rather than the excitement I thought I’d feel. My dream of a relaxed water birth was shattered as baby’s heartbeat was dimming with each contraction. As labour progressed I was shocked by the intensity of the pain. I was told it was worse due to the position of the baby’s back lying against my back. As I didn’t react well to gas and air and the pethidine injection did nothing for the pain, I was left without pain relief because we’d left it too late for an epidural. It was the actual pushing the baby out that traumatised me. My personality seemed to change and I scared myself as I screamed with the pain of each push. I had no stamina left and I had serious doubts as to whether I would be able to birth the baby at all. When my baby eventually came out, I felt genuine surprise at seeing him. I’d almost forgotten that the pain and agony had a purpose. In the days that followed I couldn’t stop reliving it and wishing it had happened differently.
4. Feeling anxious about the care of my baby and having to give up breastfeeding.
I knew I was not physically well enough to look after my newborn, which left all the care to my husband. But I was worried about his ability to cope, as he was seriously sleep deprived too. I felt responsible for both of them but could do next to nothing to help. I felt impotent and useless, even more so because I had made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding because of my lack of sleep and the amount of pain I was in from the fibromyalgia flare.
5. Dramatic drop in hormones
The drastic drop in pregnancy hormones 3 days after giving birth would have had a profound effect on any women’s mental state (which is usually when normal ‘baby blues’ set in). The effect on me was compounded by the extreme stress I was under from lack of sleep and debilitating intense muscle pain
6. Pre-disposition to depression
Since I had a history of depression this greatly increased my chances of developing post-natal illness. Unfortunately, I had stopped taking anti-depressants when I conceived, and I overlooked the signs of depression returning in the last month of my pregnancy as I assumed every heavily pregnant woman felt like that when they couldn’t wait any longer for the 9 months to be over. So perhaps my genes played a huge part in causing the chemical imbalance that induced puerperal psychosis.
Steps to take to prevent it happening again:
A. Have a Caesarean Section
Although there will be a recovery period from major abdominal surgery, the intense debilitating flare-up of fibromyalgia and sleep deprivation from a long labour will be avoided.
B. Take anti-depressants throughout pregnancy
The benefits to me in taking them may outweigh any risks to the baby, but there are types that are approved safe for pregnancy. It may help my emotions remain level in the last stages of pregnancy and in the days after the birth. The baby will have to be checked in the days following birth for signs of withdrawal, and I will have to deal with any guilt I feel about exposing my unborn baby to drugs.
C. Once back home, limit the number of professionals and home help coming in and out.
Try to keep an atmosphere of peace and calm at home and nap when baby naps. Ask the midwives and health visitors for pre-arranged visiting times rather than having to stay awake all day for them.
D. Bottle feed from the start
Do not even attempt to breast-feed to avoid stress and put less strain on myself. This will allow Myles and I to take night feeding in turns, so that we can both get good nights sleep every other night.
E. Ellis (my son)
Ask my parents to have Ellis stay with them for a week to allow time to settle with the new baby, with Ellis visiting us once a day. Or if not possible, arrange for the childminder to have Ellis from 9-5 for 5 days.
Any other thoughts about how to prevent PNI returning would be gratefully received. We are hoping to try for another baby at the end of the year (mind you, if I don't get my sex drive back by then, it might be pretty tricky!).
