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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 13, 2009 20:15:03 GMT
Things always seem to go up and down but I'm pretty sure its 2 steps forward and only one back now.
Things have been hard for the past few weeks but the meds seem to have settled and I'm feeling a diff. I'm actually having times when i enjoy having the kids. For a good while I wasn't and I'm beginning to feel more like me again. Don't get me wrong my kids aren't angels all of a sudden but I now feel able to cope with my terrors.
Steven and Stuart argue constantly, fight like cat and dog, being boys its real tooth and claw. Blood is often shed. I'm told the are just being boys but god its hard work!!! Steven is 4 1/2 now and is testing his boundaries. Constant talking back and trying to disobey me. Bulling his brother, over silly things. Yet he is an intelligent and motivated little thing who had vast concentration and precision when he likes. Nursery parents night commented how intelligent he was and very well behaved! Hmm was that my boy they were talking about or some sort of look alike!!! Stuart is 2 1/2 and such a little hard nut. A little bully when he likes unless its with Steven in which case he always comes out worst. my friends kid and him have a love hate relationship and gang up on other kids! Hes just doing terrible 2's but hes a poor speaker and I'm awaiting speech therapy for him which i hope will help. I suspect some of the behavior is due to frustration as we don't understand him. baby Scott is 7m now. hardly believe it. Hes teething and I'm in the process of controlled crying to get him off the breast thro the nite (cheers bean!!) with the hope that a full nights sleep will help us all. otherwise hes a good little thing, really quite content although i do admit a bit spoilt. hes a mummy's boy! I keep thinking in the back of my head this could be my last baby so make the most of it, so he does get plenty cuddles! Like the other 2 he does have a temper and a real little attitude when he likes. Full of the cold just now tho too.
My parents still aren't very supportive but are better than b4. Life not great just yet but its on the up and I'm finally feeling its going forward
xxxx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 13, 2009 20:21:58 GMT
Mate you seem to have 2 diaries on the go, i have replied in the other one...lol. Do you mean to keep two seperate or do you want one removing?
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 14, 2009 7:23:01 GMT
Do I really lol. I knew I had one but I couldnt find it. Just delete it lol. We'll start afresh!! Cheers x
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Post by monica on Oct 14, 2009 11:15:23 GMT
Hi
Great to hear you are on the up. It's bloody hard work with three and there are small gaps between each of them - you're doing a great job! I have also found that when you are feeling weak adn low the kids sense it and really play up. Take it day as it comes!
Love
Monica
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 14, 2009 18:52:29 GMT
Cheers monica, u are too right its like they have some sort of sixth sense on it. When to create havoc and chaos.
Today was trying. I have spent all day inside alone with the boys. OH was home at 6 so that helped. One of the things I still find very hard is being home alone all day. my anxiety rockets at home and i sturggle to cope with them. It sounds unusual but I cope better outside of the home. I have this sort of mask I put on when I go out the door. Its like my confidence barrier and rarely slips. But at home its a whole diff story.
I coped tho. I only had a few stressful moments where I needed to stand back and close the door for a minute. The day was long and passed slowly and I'm tired from it. The cold is moving in on me too so thats not helping, I go about feeling light headed most of the time. When i mentioned it to my parents they said, 'oh join the club we all have been for over a week now!' I snapped back that they didnt have 3 young kids and my epilepsy to worry about tho, so to them it maybe is nothin. I felt like I'd let myself down but biting back at them. Its one of the things i promised I'd stop doing, I'd not give them the satisfaction. I was disappointed in myself.
2moro should be a bit easier as I have plans and I'm going to go to bed soon as I'm knackered from this controlled crying thing with Scott. A good nights sleep makes a world of difference. Nite xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 14, 2009 19:12:09 GMT
I have said it before, but I will say it again - looking after 3 kids that young you should have some sort of award from the Queen! I really dont know how you do it and the fact that you are suffering some anxiety with it is more than understandable! Most would be climbing the walls!
Dont be so hard on yourself mate. You do a fab job, and are none stop - the only thing you should be criticising yourself for is not sorting yourself out with a break!
Keep strong my friend, we are always here x
Much Love
WG x
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 16, 2009 9:06:39 GMT
Ure such a dear you know that WG!
I never look at myself as deserving a medal for looking after them. I had them so its my fault really. I should have forseen the fact that I could suffer again and left bigger gaps. I made a road to break my own back!
I do know i am hard on myself tho. I cant help it. I have never met my own expectations. I let myself down at school with poor results. I wanted 6 A's but only got 3 A's and 6 B's. I was not happy for months. At uni i only got 2nd class, I was aiming for 1st! Things like that always stick in my head, even now. I cant wait to go back to uni next year and do my PGCE. I will feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Being a mum isnt exactly record breaking. I always aim for higher.
Scotts controlled crying was much better last nite, only woke once and cried for a few mins. I was so pleased. Finally it was heading the right way, and i might even be able to look forward to a full nights sleep! OH was in a much better mood this am as he slep all night. Hes like a bear with a sore head normally!
MIL had her toe nails removed on Tue so I'm going up to hers again 2day to help with her housework and do her shopping for her. Shes really sore so I've been rushing arouns since 6 this morning doing mine so i can fit in the immunisation clinic at 10.30 then shopping and up to MILs for 12, to make lunch there and do her housework. FIL isnt greatest at it lol. I swear hes half blind, he doesnt seem to see its still not clean. Men ehh...lol
Suposed to have an engagement party 2moro nite but I really dont want to go. I dont think my mum n dad want to watch the boys anyway so it'd be fine if they didnt. OH not impressed as the one time we actually have a nite out they cant be bothered watching them. nevermind, I didnt expect much support they never do!
xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 16, 2009 11:59:44 GMT
Hi Hun
I get a bit like that about nights out. I would much rather take that time and sit on my butt in front of the telly than be bothered about having to get dressed up, be nice all night..blah blah. I know its getting to my hubby at the moment too as he would really like us to have a night out together on our own, but at the moment it is just too much like hard work, and if i am going out i want to enjoy it!
Great news on the controlled crying front! Perhaps the beginning of a silver lining?? Fingers crossed you get more of the same tonight!!
Much Love
WG xx
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 17, 2009 8:01:20 GMT
Good Morning x
Another good night from Scott. OH has a bad cough so slept downstairs so not to wake us and I had the bed to myself. Hmm lovely!!
My Mum called me yesterday Afternoon saying she'd just left the home where my grandad is. He had a mild stroke in the morning. Shes a bit of a state about it. But in reality if he would just have a proper one and pass on it would be so much better for them all. He is very bad with dementia. The living dead basically, barely moves doesnt talk, the odd grunt, has a bad attitude and has reverted back to a baby basically. Its in the final stages now. She said to me in confidence that she wished it had been a bigger one. I know they are all struggling with him being like that but she now sees the consequence on my granny. I feel detatched from him as hes not granda now, granda died a long time ago, the body thats left isnt him. Sounds a bit heartless but i dont have the same feelings for him as he is now. I think of granda as what I knew 5 yrs ago. Taking the piss of me for wiping the floor of me at scrabble. I dont think i ever beat him! He sat all day reading papers, books and doing crosswords, too smart for his own good lol. At school he taught me all about the war when he was in it. He was in the army during the war and very patriotic to his country. The mention of hitler sparked a full scale debate. Hes 82 now, he was only about 16 when he went to the war and swore it was the best days when people appreciated life and knew to dress properly!!
I gave Michael the opportunity to talk to Davie about the othe rjob where Rodger works. I said i'd run him if he wanted ne to until he passed his test. I have another thread about it, asking if I'm crazy, which i think i am lol.
The boys r fighting like cat and dog just now so i cant stay. Better go stand between them b4 the blood starts flying! I've also got a mad rush of cleaning b4 I go to mums at 10.30. Hmm 1.5 hrs, not long! I shouldnt have had a coffee break lol
xxx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 19, 2009 16:59:06 GMT
Hi Mate
I dont think it sounds heartless at all! I think most would feel the same way! And to be fair, I bet he would rather you think like that, remember the man he was...
Have you heard anymore about your OH's job then??
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 21, 2009 10:46:35 GMT
Morning,
Thanks WG, I do feel a little guilty about feeling that way buts just not Granda. But like you say I'm sure he would rather we remebered him before. Its hard on everyone like this. The biggest issue I think is my Aunt. She is mums brothers wife. She has always been a bit mad. Infact totally off the plot. Shes just so uggh!! I have never seen eye to eye with her. She got granda car when he has to stop driving. the idea behind it being that she took granny for shopping etc. But granny hates being in the car. cant cope with the acceleration and speed etc. Sandra now has a new car a higher people carrier type car, granny hates it. She takes granny to the home and speeds off, then when she complains she says well if ure not happy take the bus. Which upsets granny. She interferes and trys to take over. When I went in to the home she was practically holding granda up, the poor sould was trying to sleep. She was slapping his face trying to wake him. Worrying granny sayinf his breathing is laboured, when it was heavy not laboured. But god hes a big fat old man of course its heavy! Shes loud and just so overbearing that she upsets everyone. Yet if anyone gets on at her she gets mysteriously 'ill' and too sore a back to drive! Its a catch 22.
Thats my rage over!!
As for Michaels job, I replied in the other thread - 'Am I stupid suggesting this', have a peek in there.
The weather has been pretty bad here. i decided yeterday am to take the horses in so i could dry them off to put rugs on them at night then back out again. But the back gate is the only gate I have just now and its about 10mins down the track. A hassle with 2 horses on my own in the rain! I got them back out again in the pouring rain and the dark, with Michael behind me in the cars for lights. The big mare is nervous of car lights since she got hit by a van a few years ago. So want easy, especially with the otherone, who I reckon is a few pennies short, who jumps about like an idiot squealing and whinnying for no apparent reason. In the narrow track, in the rain, in the dark! I thought i was history a few times.
I took Scott to the doc Mon afternoon and got his checked. he has a chect infection and asthma. So he got an inhaler and aero-chamber and antibiotics. I see a diff in him already. I think its the inhaler. Hes eating better and sleeping better at night. None of this chocking and wheezing. Stuart fell on sun and hurt his arm. I'm not sure I said. But I was concerned so asked the doc to have a look. He was suspicious of it and wanted it checked. Its moving ok, but when u take hold of him he cries. Like when you give him a pull to come on or he bangs it he cries, saying its sore. He always holds the same bit too so i think i'm going to go to casualty 2nite with him after tea time to get ti x-rayed. So we'll see how that goes.
I'm having real issues with Steven just now. His temper is unreal. He souts at me and talks back. It must be a phase but its hard going and wearing on me. He is so bad everyday. Without fail he'll bully his brother and throw at least 5 temper tantrums. Poor Stuart is always crying. Hes just been send to his room for shouting at me to get his lunch made now! So I'm going to go get lunch ready for 12 as i said I would earlier and make him stay there until 12, little shit!!!
luv and hugs xxx
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 22, 2009 7:53:08 GMT
Its still pouring! I took the horses in last nite. A bit of a carry on but got them in eventually. Had to get father in law 2 help me. That gate is a nightmare all that way away. It was dark by the time i got them both in and torrential rain, I was soaked and freezing. I hate having to ask for help! I'm going to go up soon to muck out and put them our for a little while. I have a new bale of shavings that i'm going to put in coz it looks like they will be in for a few days the field is flooded. I will have to call my MIL to see when her app at the nurse is coz I dont want to have to trail the boys out in the rain. Althought they love it they get filthy and soaked. I also have a prescription to collect 2day, the boys have impetigo, god knows where from. I was going to walk down with my friend who doesnt drive but if it takes me all day to sort these horses out I wont have time, I might just pop down with the car.
best go get prepared to brave the elements! x
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Post by juppster on Oct 22, 2009 9:06:23 GMT
Good luck with the horses today Sarah...sounds as though you are going to get drenched whatever you do...Good old Britain hey!
Hope you find the time soon to sit down and chat to hubby (if you actually get any spare time?!?!) sounds like you are a busy lady!!
Take care xx
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Post by winegirl on Oct 22, 2009 19:27:10 GMT
Do you ever just like, SIT DOWN. Honestly, im tired just reading about your typical day!
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Post by stevensmummy on Oct 25, 2009 15:41:37 GMT
Thankyou guys for the responses but as you can imagine its been so hectic I've not been around much. But I'm raging 2day so had to come cool off on here.
My in'laws have freinds staying last nite as they were at a concert, some country nights thing. My MIL has had her toes operated on, got the nail removed and some other thing cut off not sure what but shes to stay off her feet anyway. But the couple that are up, the woman is a a right know it all, wants to be a lady, jumped up tart sort of woman. The guy is nice enough but worships her ladyship. The majorly plays to him. She has an op on her foot about 6wks ago, she has some sort of bone deformity. Anyway she is much better but still playing on it so sitting about at MILs getting her to run about after her, while she sits there with her foot up, 'resting' coz its 'far far too sore' to do anything like walk about! Anyway!! She was sitting about liker her ladyship when scott was gettin himself upset, as i was attempting to fight him to get his clothes back on after changing him. She was looking down her nose at me while I was struggling with him throwing his little hissy fit. Boys went out after michael and MIL went to check them so I was alone with her scowling at me! I said to scott now thats enough we'll just be going home. She sort of sblack personed and said, I should think so too hes far to noisy to be here with me, its very inconsiderate! How dare she! I mean come on hes a baby!!!!! Stupid cow!!!!! ugggh!!!!!!!!
Sorry rage over, I'm calm again. I was seriously p'ed off tho. I didnt even look at her, collected our stuff and left. Without saying bye or anything. I cried dowing down the farm track. I was horrible to michael too. The poor soul can hardly breathe with this asthma and chest infection. Between this and having to take both horses up and down in the pouring rain, I'm about topped off.
But to add the icing to the cake, I'm taking a trip to childrens A&E 2nite with the middle one, Stuart. Last weekend he did a rather spectacular fall over the arm of the sofa and landed on his arm. Cried for ages and at the time I thought hmm could he have done something, but he wasnt really that sore. I got the doc to check on mon and he said if its still bothering him to go get x-ray. But he was ok, still a little sore but ok. He is still cryign about it. And banged it 2day and screamed the place down. Michael squeezed it and he creid again. He is kind of covering it up and holding it oddly. He is still using it but is protecting it and favouring his other hand when he is normally right handed. So I'm going to get it checked. Wish me luck!!
Better get off got a moaning mildred and i have 2 go do horses and the cows need fed and the calvers checked. I'm taking the calvers easier than feeding lol
xxx
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