Am I being stupid suggesting this?

[stevensmummy]

Hi guys,

I have a bit of an issue. My OH is getting pretty unhappy at work. He has been for some time now but I have to say his boss isnt making things easy. Its a case of not being appreciated. He pretty much runs the farm, does everything and since a close friend of his left the sister farm he is doing about 60% of the work there too. He gets no thanks for it. No wage increase for ages now, no bonus pension or anything like that but thats common on a farm. He gets a brand spanking new tractor but thats about it. He gets all the hassle about the work and the farm manager issues although he isnt the manager, he has to deal with the majority of it, expect the paperwork.

His friend that left moved to another farm, a bit away from us, about 40mins in a car (60mins in a tractor). This guy has better wages a bonus and alot less hassle. He enjoys being there, says its the best thing he ever did. The farmer has asked my OH to come a few times but has always turned it down due to the distance and loyalty to his boss but more so the farm manager who he really gets on with. He is almost at breaking point I think, our relationship is suffering due to his constant getting at me and complaining about his current job.

A definite job has come open at the other place and I said to him 2day if hes that unhappy then why not take it. Speak to Davie and ask about the job. Davie would have in in a sec and him and Rodger get on very well, and work well 2gether. The only issue is he doesnt drive. Its not a case that he cant hes just never had to so never sat his test. From 16 he drove a tractor and has always lived close to the farm so it was never an issue and When I met him I could drive. I said if he really was that unhappy I'd be prepared to run him for a short time, until he passed his test. It would be a case of a few months I think. Its his theory test thats the issue as hes dyslexic and very embarassed of it. In reality I suspect that Davie would give him the tractor to run back and forth in until he passed but not certain on that.

Am I crazy for suggesting this?
Have I taken on more than I can cope with?

Sarah x

[bean]

I dont think you're crazy hun at all, if he is that unhappy all you're trying to do is find a way to make things better, showing how much you are invested in your relationship.
I have a similar thing with my OH work and have told him that if he is so unhappy and getting taken advantage of then I would support his decision to leave. Work shouldnt be affecting your relationship but i understand how much it can (I have been made redundant 3 times and him twice since we have been together and we have both completely changed jobs, re-trained etc and supported each other along the way), so if you're prepared to support him in this, surely he can swallow his embarrassment about the dyslexia and go for his theory test, countless people with dyslexia do this and he can too.
Again hun, you're not crazy, you always get your thinking cap on to find solutions to matters, you're really great.
love bean x

[juppster]

Hi Sarah

I just felt i needed to reply to this one being a driving instructor and also having a husband with dyslexia!!

I think what you're suggesting is very sensible. Just recently my husband had to have 6 weeks off work as everything got on top of him, not only with work but family health problems too...but the biggest thing for him was not getting the help he needed at work with his dyslexia. It has taken 40 years for him to be diagnosed with dyslexia after just being thought of as lazy and stupid and a year ago he had an assessment at work which suggested all the different equipment he needed...he has only just received this equipment 14 months down the line and this is part of the reason he ended up off work with mild depression and stress. I know i've gone a little bit off topic here, but i guess what im saying is, if your hubby is really that unhappy where he is the best thing in the long run is for him to leave and go somewhere he will enjoy being.

As for the theory test! If he's worried about having to read the questions on screen, he can opt to listen to them being read out for him whilst wearing a pair of earphones...this is very common and alot of people opt for this as its just easier. I believe they read you the question and then read out the possible answer choices so hopefully that should make it alot easier for him. I hear what you're saying about him feeling embarrassed, believe me, my husband feels the same..but....sometimes they have to swallow the pride a little and take the help that is there to achieve what they want to and hopefully will provide them with a better and easier future.

Sorry for waffling, i hope that all made sense...just wanted you to know that i think what you've suggested is a good idea and there are ways and means of getting extra help with the theory test.

Hope that helps a little, Jo x

[cazfletcher]

he also will be entitled to extra time to complete the test hun x

[stevensmummy]

hi guys, thanks all so much for the replies. I'm jst checkin in quickly by mobile. Very hectic day. I'll b around 2moro 2 reply x x

[stevensmummy]

Finally made it back. Alot of rain and horses delayed the matter!

Thankyou so much, Jo. What you said wasnt at all waffle and really made the point. He does feel embarassed and stupid. He never did well at school as didnt get any help. He works on the farm coz its not really involving any paperwork. He has avoided it pretty much all his life. Can i ask how your husband got diagnosed with Dyslexia? I'm not sure he'd swallow his pride enough to go get help but he might.

I think what I really need is to sit down and talk to him properly. To see if I can convince him to first go for his theory test, get that passed then decide what he really wants from work. I'm pretty sure deep down he'd like the managers job when he retires. But I think he needs to sit down withill and discuss it as a posibility. As if not then maybe its time to move on. We would really like somewhere that comes with a house, as most farm jobs do. I think we have alot to discuss, its just getting the time to do it. Hopefully soon.

Thanks again so much everyone you guys are amazing!

xx

[juppster]

Hey Sarah

Like your hubby, mine has always gone for jobs with little paperwork but in his most recent job, he has had to write up short reports and they started to be commented on by his bossess....eg. untidy, poor spelling, illegible etc etc. He got so fed up and frustrated with it because people just kept telling him "just take your time when you're writing" but it never got any easier. So he approached his boss and said that he thinks he has dyslexia, has done all of his life, and they made him an appt with a specialist. Very very lovely lady who took lots of time with him, done lots of various tests and thats how his dyslexia got diagnosed.

One company that is probably worth contacting if you have it in Scotland is Access to Work. These are the people who really start the ball rolling and once you have had your diagnosis, come to your workplace to determine what you need to make your worklife easier and more manageable. One thing i will say though, is that things don't happen very quickly. As i think i said before, hubby was diagnosed August 2008 and has only finally this week received the help and equipment that he needs.

I think you would be right to sit down and really talk about things and try to encourage him to get the help that he needs...it really has made a big difference to my hubby's work life but he had to swallow a lot of pride and build up lots of courage to go through with it all...its a long slog but defo worth it.

With the whole theory test thing, i really would encourage him to go for it. They have so many options of taking the test now and dyslexia is covered under the diability law so they have to make allowances and give extra help for people with this disability. As i said before, he can listen to the questions and possible answers, and as cazfletcher says, he will get extra time to complete the test.

I hope things work out for you both, i really do as i can really empathize with what he and you are going through. Good luck with the talking! Let us know how you get on x

[stevensmummy]

Thanks again Jo. We said yesterday that we'd get a chance tp talk about it 2nite but we didnt. My horses were being difficult so took rather a long time before we were home. We will discuss it this weekend when things arent quite so hectic.

Thanks agan, I'll let you know the outcome

xx

[winegirl]

Have you had chance to discuss it yet? Any outcome???

[monica]

Hi

Your poor hubby - men often find it hard to seek help and I imagine the stigma of probably being called at school because of the dyslexia has put him off doing anything about it but it's well worth getting it diagnosed now.

did you manage to talk about it?

Monica

[stevensmummy]

Hi guys, not had any chance. what with all this bad weather and the horses and cows and scott being ill its been a bit manic, but my plans are for 2nite or 2moro while things are a little calmer xx

[winegirl]

Hope it goes well for you mate and you guys get something positive out of it! xx