PND led to panic and abortion in preg no2

[mandy2703]

Hi all, I am new to this site and trying to find my way around....

Wondered if anyone out there has experienced what has happened to me. I have a fantastic 9 year old son who I adore. I also have a great husband and good family support. However, I had severe PND after I had him (Emergency C Section) and ended up in a mother and Baby unit for 4 months.

It had taken me until my son was 7 to finally get the courage to try for baby number 2. (I never wanted to have an only child) unfortunately, literally the minute the pregnancy was confirmed, the panic attacks returned, violently sick, couldn't breath, 'what have I done' thoughts etc etc. ended up in A&E, body went into shock, couldn't move fingers, toes etc. my husband was so worried we didn't know what to do, I wasn't on any meds (hadn't been for about 5 years) as didn't even dream I would feel that way immediately, was so caught out. this led to us deciding with the doc that there was no way I could carry on with the pregnancy so I had a termination.

On top of that, the week i found out, I was due to move away (from london to Devon, which was all planned and happy about) but it meant I wouldn't be near my sister(who is like my best friend) and who I could 'escape' too if needed so that my son wouldn't see me not well. 2 years on and I still think all the time how I would have loved/love to have another baby. I already feel guilty about what happened 2 years ago, but also feel that i am now very settled in my devon life, i have good friends/family etc. and am on Fluoxetine 20mg. I feel sad and tearful if I hear anyone is pregnant and how lucky they are but am not sure what to do, has anyone else had this happen? i would appreciate any advice as really don't know what to do, my hubby's main concern is that I would be alright and he would be happy if we stayed at having 1 or if I would be well to have another. i am also not getting any younger and am 38.......... sorry for the long message

[monica]

Dear Mandy

Just wanted to wish you a big hello and welcome you to the site.

I had what I'd call moderate PNI after my second child. For me it was hell on earth - I had very bad anxiety and a whole range of physical symptoms which changed me from a happy and outgoing person into a reclusive wreck. Saying that I had four months of hell then quickly picked up with the help of antids and support although I would say I suffered from pni for a total of 2 1/4 yrs with the ups and down that are very characteristic of this illness.

I went on to have a third child and have to say although there have been moments when I've felt I might be beccoming ill again on the whole I wouldn't say I have pni again (my son is 1 1/2).

You have been through so much with your illness that's it's bound to be incredibly frightening falling pregnant again. However, with support, reassurance, meds if you decide to take them the risk of falling ill again are minimised and shouldnt' be are severe if you do find yourself gong down that road again.

There is quite alot in the Puerpal psychosis section where a couple of our members have had advice and guidance on this very subject included statistics. Also check out the pregnancy section as one of your members who also had PP is about to have her second child and has posted alot there. Will add the link if I can!

Monica

[monica]

www.veritee.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=pregnancy&action=display&thread=6707

the above is a link to the puerpal psychosis section.

Have you spoken to your doctor about your fears of falling pregnant again and how it affected you when you did last time. You clearly want another child so maybe a trip tothe doctor for guidance on how to manage the pregnancy may at least partly allay your fears?

The board is a little slow at the minute but sure other ladies will post their experiences andadvice soon.

Monica

[mandy2703]

Hi Monica, a very belated thanks soooo much for responding to my message, I was beginning to feel like people may have read it and thought bad of me. your message has brightenened my day. It's been a while since I checked the site, just moved house etc so been a busy bee..

Still am wanting another baby and in the last few months I have had about 4 appointments with my doc for a very brief chat, she believe's i will be fine to stay on my meds, I am on minimal dose(she has said doesn't have a great deal of experience in PNI or mother and baby Units etc but she is happy to refer me.) In the meantime what I have done is got all my old records from the mother and baby unit i was at 9 years ago (started to read them but a few tears straight away so have put them down again... I have also sent a letter to a mother and baby unit (MBU) that is nearer to where I now live(Florence House in Dorset). My Doc has also said she will write to a specialist Midwife who has experience in this area so I am hoping she will do that.

The Perinatal Team Manager at the MBU in Dorset emailed me last week to advise they need a refferal form from my doc, so i have booked another apopointment for that (She is on holiday at the moment.) I suppose I am really just trying to get to the point where i know i have that safety blanket support in place should I need it, whetehr that be a midwife or MBU but it needs to be a place that can really understand/relate to how bad it was/can be and not sure my doc can visiualise that as only my doc since I have been well. Hope that doesn't sound mean. I really don't want to do this again without being as prepared as possible. Thanks again for your message, kind regards
Mandy