Post by sjay on May 27, 2010 9:27:09 GMT
hello hope I am in the right place am new to these boards I am a recovered mum who just wanted to share my story!
I had my first daughter at 19 the pregnancy was difficult I had high bp and was hospitalised twice I was induced and it was a long hard labour after I had her I quickly settled into life with a new born went back to work and life was good.
Then a few yrs later me and my by then husband decided to have another baby I was desperate for a brother or sister for Sophie as I was an only child and found it lonely we moved into a house when I was 5 months pregnant and throughout the latter stages of preg I knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what exactly I just didn't feel right couldn't settle. I had an inkling at the very end I was suffering panic attacks things like shopping became a major issue. Again I was hospitalised due to high bp again I was induced but this time the birth was quick and easy the labour was 3 hrs the pushing stage was about 5 mins she was out very quickly yet my first thoughts were I have had her someone else can deal with her now (something i will feel eternally guilty for) I struggled through for a few weeks then I really just broke down I couldn't bond was in a constant state of anxiety I didn't leave the house for 2 months only to go to the gp and that was an issue i couldn't face sitting in the waiting room i had to be let in round the back it was horrible the first 9 months of her life were a blur and I felt so stupid the simplist of things I was no longer capapble of I felt I wasn't living just exsisting. All I can say is I don't think there was one defining thing that cured me it took lots of time and patience from other people i was on paroxetine and beta blockers i had lots of talking visits from the health visitor and i had a relaxation cd i used to listen to that really helped going out the process was slow it was a little progress at a time i have no doubt if i hadn't of had the support i did i would have ended up in hospital or a baby unit my husband was at home until lunch time then he went to work then my auntie would sit with me til my mum got in from work then my husband would come back I remember one panic attack in particular i ended up at out of hours gp i had this burning sensation that started in the pit of my stomach and went right to my head i was convinced i was dying at that moment. Other lesser panic atttacks involved cold sweats chest pains pins and needles in my face and arms it was a horrible time personally i think i found my first preg distressing and i put it to the back of my mind and it all came back when i was preg the second time.
I felt lots of emotions huge huge guilt because i had 2 beautiful children and jasmine was such an easy baby i should have been happy i hated not bonding i used to think why me all i did was have a baby i am a good person i didn't smoke drink anything it;s not fair i never thought i would be normal ever again I did get to the point where I thought this is going to be my life now I may as well not be here but it did lift slowly.
I had a happy accident and fell preg with my son i did suffer pnd but to a much lesser degree it was caught early i was put on meds and i enjoyed him and i remember everything every mile stone every sleepless night.
It's a bit long I know but if you have got to the end I hope it gives any sufferers some hope that pni can be beaten and it's not your fault it's nothing you did or didn't do it strikes randomly and is such a cruel unfair illness at a time that should be happy but you can come out the other side and have a happy family life again I no longer exsist I live and I live life to the full......... hugs to all sufferers
lots of love sarah.xxxxxxxxx
I had my first daughter at 19 the pregnancy was difficult I had high bp and was hospitalised twice I was induced and it was a long hard labour after I had her I quickly settled into life with a new born went back to work and life was good.
Then a few yrs later me and my by then husband decided to have another baby I was desperate for a brother or sister for Sophie as I was an only child and found it lonely we moved into a house when I was 5 months pregnant and throughout the latter stages of preg I knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what exactly I just didn't feel right couldn't settle. I had an inkling at the very end I was suffering panic attacks things like shopping became a major issue. Again I was hospitalised due to high bp again I was induced but this time the birth was quick and easy the labour was 3 hrs the pushing stage was about 5 mins she was out very quickly yet my first thoughts were I have had her someone else can deal with her now (something i will feel eternally guilty for) I struggled through for a few weeks then I really just broke down I couldn't bond was in a constant state of anxiety I didn't leave the house for 2 months only to go to the gp and that was an issue i couldn't face sitting in the waiting room i had to be let in round the back it was horrible the first 9 months of her life were a blur and I felt so stupid the simplist of things I was no longer capapble of I felt I wasn't living just exsisting. All I can say is I don't think there was one defining thing that cured me it took lots of time and patience from other people i was on paroxetine and beta blockers i had lots of talking visits from the health visitor and i had a relaxation cd i used to listen to that really helped going out the process was slow it was a little progress at a time i have no doubt if i hadn't of had the support i did i would have ended up in hospital or a baby unit my husband was at home until lunch time then he went to work then my auntie would sit with me til my mum got in from work then my husband would come back I remember one panic attack in particular i ended up at out of hours gp i had this burning sensation that started in the pit of my stomach and went right to my head i was convinced i was dying at that moment. Other lesser panic atttacks involved cold sweats chest pains pins and needles in my face and arms it was a horrible time personally i think i found my first preg distressing and i put it to the back of my mind and it all came back when i was preg the second time.
I felt lots of emotions huge huge guilt because i had 2 beautiful children and jasmine was such an easy baby i should have been happy i hated not bonding i used to think why me all i did was have a baby i am a good person i didn't smoke drink anything it;s not fair i never thought i would be normal ever again I did get to the point where I thought this is going to be my life now I may as well not be here but it did lift slowly.
I had a happy accident and fell preg with my son i did suffer pnd but to a much lesser degree it was caught early i was put on meds and i enjoyed him and i remember everything every mile stone every sleepless night.
It's a bit long I know but if you have got to the end I hope it gives any sufferers some hope that pni can be beaten and it's not your fault it's nothing you did or didn't do it strikes randomly and is such a cruel unfair illness at a time that should be happy but you can come out the other side and have a happy family life again I no longer exsist I live and I live life to the full......... hugs to all sufferers
lots of love sarah.xxxxxxxxx
