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Post by juppster on Oct 18, 2010 11:46:40 GMT
Hi Rainbow Im a bit of an advocate of CBT....i have used it in the past to great affect, it was the therapy that got me back on a plane again after having my first panic attack, and am actually undergoing some therapy now. It basically gets you to write down your thoughts, write down the evidence that backs up the thought, the evidence that goes against and an alternative way of thinking. There is obviously a lot more to it than that but thats the best way i can think to describe it. it can be extremely affective for alot of people and if you have access to it then it can 't hurt to try it....i would defo give it a go if you can x
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Post by rainbow81 on Oct 19, 2010 13:51:44 GMT
Hi, Thanks Juppster, I will definately be asking the counsellor about it when I return to my sessions. It would be a good idea for me to try it I think Im having a bit of a stressful day today. My 2 year old is really annoying me today. He just wont sit still for a minute and he wouldnt eat his dinner. It seems everytime he's started playing up, the baby starts crying at the same time aggghhhh!!!!! As soon as I leave the room, the baby starts crying then too. Shes been sleeping right through the night, but last night she never, so I didnt get much sleep with her. I think this is probably contributing to the mood im in today. Iv still got the sore on the roof of my mouth. Its not gone any worse but it hasnt gone any better either. Im really worried its something serious - even though I looked up about oral cancer on the internet (i know I should'nt look up symptoms of things!) and it said that it does'nt appear overnight. Iv never had anything like it before. I think im gonna have to get on the phone to the doctors - again! I dont know why im bothering to do that though because I know they'll just send me on my way, telling me its 'nothing'. I am starting to believe that all this is anxiety related. I mean, since iv had this sore in my mouth, and covinced myself its something serious, iv had no wierd sensations in my head. Its like one thing has been substituted for another. Why wont all these things just go away?!?!?!?!?!!? Im definately NOT imaging this sore, because I can see it! Iv had a small mirror in my mouth then looked in the big mirror (if you know what I mean!) and its there, large as life! Why does one thing go then another thing come? Its really stressing me out. It really is a vicious circle. I want to be normal again. I want this sore to go away, but im scared that when it does, something else will happen and i'll have to go through all this analysing of symptoms again. And why is it when I have something wrong with me all the symptoms point to the possible worst case scenario??!?!?! I think I really am losing my mind today :S
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butterfly
Private Board (R) Member
Posts: 1,432
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Post by butterfly on Oct 19, 2010 19:31:03 GMT
Oh dear, I am sure your not loosing your mind!Sorry to hear that the sore in you mouth is worring you.
I know how stressful it is with a 2 year old and a newborn. Its really hard and seems like you never stop somedays.
Sometimes though it is great therapy/stress relief to come on here and let off steam.
Interesting JO what you said about CBT, I think sometimes I need some but I am getting better without it,
Take care x
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Post by juppster on Oct 20, 2010 7:46:45 GMT
Morning sweetie You will be normal again, please believe me. This is where i think CBT would be good for you as it would help you not to think the way you are, about once your sore goes away it being replaced by something else...this is only adding to your anxieties and making you feel worse. Trust me when I say you are not losing your mind! I used to think this all the time and im still here, quite sane (well, most of the time anyway!). What are your plans for today lovely? x
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Post by rainbow81 on Oct 21, 2010 9:12:01 GMT
Hello all, Today I have mostly cried! The red patch is still in my mouth, this is why iv been crying. I went on the nhs website and discovered that mouth ulcers on the roof of your mouth are rare. So I started looking up about mouth cancer and its more likely to be that. I wish I hadnt looked now. There were pictures aswell and I had a look at them, and they look the same as the inside of my mouth. I am absolutley terrified now. I have a doctors appointment on tuesday. Im so scared he's gonna say 'ill refer you to someone' coz then il know that theres a possibility of there being something wrong. All I keep thinking is what if all them other symptoms with my head etc are all linked to this and it was like a build up?!?! I am so scared. I cant stop thinking about illness and death. its so depressing, im so fed up of it all. I even feel like im getting a sore throat, on the same side as where the sore is - thats another cancer symptom. Its not even LIKE an ulcer. Its just a red sore patch. How can I be so terrified of a sore red patch?? I just want to be ok. Why can I not be ok. I know I keep saying this, but why cant I wake up one morning with no ailments,aches, pains or possible diseases, and just be NORMAL and have a NORMAL day?!?!?!!?!?!?! Aggggghh it makes me so mad. I cant concentrate on anything apart from death. Im just not interested in anything anymore. I just want it to stop
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Post by Victoria on Oct 21, 2010 12:27:04 GMT
Hi rainbow, sorry it has taken me so long to reply properly to you. I dont really know what to say to start ......... i really feel for you. You sound like you are going through hell in your head. Dont feel bad about ringing the doctors when you feel you need to. It is their job, and whether there is something physical to worry about, or it turns out (most likely) to be nothing serious, that isnt the issue. It is always better to be safe than sorry, and they should be glad to reassure you and to take you seriously. Re the feelings about wishing you hadnt had your daughter.....I totally sympathise with that. My youngest is 2 next month, and I am always wishing I hadnt had her. Thinking that everything would be better and would be easier without her here. Then the guilt sets in for feeling that way. I love her, but sometimes I cant bear to be near her, and she irritates me, and I dont want to be in the same room as her. Horrible to admit as a mum, but that is the truth and it is all down to PNI. You are normal, you are just ill. You need to chase the health visitor, and your gp about how you are feeling in your head. You really need to be completely honest with exactly how you feel or they cant start to help you. I agree about getting your ear done, whether it helps or not, it cant hurt so it is worth doing. As much as having a scan done scares you, and I totally understand how it would, it might be a good idea. There is a very high chance that there is nothing seriously wrong physically, and it will reassure you that you dont have a brain tumour. But in the unlikely event that there was something wrong, you are better with anything, to do something about it, as early as possible. Even if there was something, they will be able to help you. Being obsessed with health problems is a symptom of this illness, and I worry all the time that I have bowel cancer, because I lost my dad in July from this horrible disease. I am convinced that it must be hereditory and so I will at some point get it too. This probably is me being paranoid and part of the illness...but nobody can stop you thinking that way if that is what is in your head and being told you are imagining things doesnt help you.
I will stop waffling now, I do tend to go on lol. I hope you are ok this afternoon. Take care. xxx
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Post by juppster on Oct 22, 2010 13:24:00 GMT
Hey Rainbow How are things for you today? Has your mouth settled down? Just wanted you to know i've been thinking of you and please know you are not alone. Let us know how you are when you get a minute xx
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Post by monica on Oct 23, 2010 21:26:17 GMT
Dear Rainbow
I'm so sorry the anxiety is making you feel so low. Firstly - NEVER GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS!!!! I say this from experience as I used to do it and it makde me feel a million time worse as all you find are worst case scenarios. I bet you, if you put in simple everyday cold symptoms you'll find that they will be those to some horrific disease!
TBh you sound stressed and run down - mouth ulcers can be a symtpom of being run down which stress can cause. You're young so it's so unlikely to be anything sinister, butyou're right in seeing dr so you can get reassurance as well as someting to get rid of them.
You will get through this difficult patch - I know life seems so bleak atm but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Love
Monica
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Post by rainbow81 on Jan 21, 2011 21:16:03 GMT
Hi everyone!
Im so sorry iv not been on here for ages, but my computer packed in, and although I can actually get onto this site using the internet on my mobile phone, I can only view it. I cant actually post anything grrrr!!
Anyway, heres whats been happening........
About a month after my last post on here I realised that id started to feel better. God knows why - nothing miraculous had occured in my life, I had'nt won the lottery or anything major like that. It was quite odd really. I couldnt even give a day/date of when I actually started to feel better.
However, my 'symptoms' have kicked off again. It started last Sunday. I have a feeling why this has happened - il explain soon. My symptoms are the same as last time, but feel worse this time round. Pins and needles in my head - however, not in one localised area. It feels like they're moving down my face. Its in my jaw now. On the right side of my tongue. On the tip of my right ear! It feels itchy today!!! Its in my right hand - it feels like its travelling up my arm. Its also in my right foot. I keep getting mixed up with words. I keep thinking of something I need to say when im having a conversation with someone, then in a flash its gone, I cant remember. As you can imagine, this has somewhat terrified me AGAIN!
And - im sorry - but I have started the 'googling of symptoms' in the past week. I have all the onset symptoms of MS. I have become totally obsessed with brains again. I have moped around all week, crying, not eating, chainsmoking and waiting for myself to drop down dead again.
I think I know what has kicked this off. On Saturday I went to see a friend who I hav'nt seen in 12 months or so. She knew nothing about how id been feeling. Before I started telling her about what had been going on with me, she told me about a girl we knew from childhood who had died with an aneurysm. As she was telling me, I didnt really start panicking about it or anything. I remember thinking to myself 'ok, dont let this affect your frame of mind - it was a while ago that I was flapping over things like this - but NOT NO MORE'!!
Then, sure enough, the very next day I was on google. Then I started getting the tingling in my scalp. I got the tingling even though I was'nt really thinking about having an aneurysm myself (if that makes sense). I cant see how I can have all the symptoms back - twice as bad - just by being told about a girl I know who had died.
When I felt better a month or so ago, people had spoke about brain tumours etc in front of me, and I did'nt start having symptoms then, so whats changed? What changed to make me feel better in the first place? Is this going to be an ongoing thing for the rest of my life? Will it just flare up every now and again?
Sorry for all the questions!! Sick of feeling 'doomed'!
Speak soon all xx
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Post by juppster on Jan 22, 2011 18:24:10 GMT
Hey Rainbow. Its good to read that you've had a good spell. Hopefully what you are experiencing now is just a blip but at least you can rationalise what the trigger was. Are you having any cbt yet? Hoping things will ease up for you again soon x
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Post by rainbow81 on Jan 23, 2011 20:11:58 GMT
Hi Juppster,
I didnt look into having the cbt - this is probably the worst choice I have made. Because I felt better, I thought that there would be no point in me having it! Im regretting that now :S
I had a terrible night on Friday. After I had wrote on here, I went to bed and lay there thinking about everything and I just started freaking out. All the right side of my face went numb - or at least I thought it had. I became so hysterical that I went and sat downstairs on my own and cried for an hour and half. At one point I was debating whether to go the hospital or ring the NHS helpline. I decided not to, because somehow (god knows how) I managed to calm down a bit and I went back to bed.
Also on Friday, I joined an anxiety forum, I wrote on there about what had been going on, and the only replies I have had are from people saying 'go for a scan on your head' and 'you know your own body - dont let the doctor try to fob you off' and things like that. This has made feel 100 times worse because its like these people have read what iv wrote and decided that there is something seriously wrong. I read the replies to my post on Friday before I went to bed. I think this is why I freaked out.
On Saturday I didnt feel so bad. I didnt do much on saturday to be honest. I just sat on the couch and read a book. My partner did all the running round after the kids etc. Everytime I put the book down, the sensations in my head would start. Today I have had it on and off. Iv got it a bit now.
I forgot to mention in Fridays post, that id been out that day and when I came home and took my coat off there was a big load of my hair in the hood. I was mortified. Since then I have noticed that loads of my hair is coming out. Not in big clumps - but not in single strands either. I remember a while back when all this started and I was googling my symptoms, I read somewhere that hair falling out can be a dign of a brain tumour. This has been on my mind aswell now!
I keep thinking that if you read about symptoms of various things for long enough - would you eventually get them? I mean like real things that you can see - like my hair falling out. Yesterday morning I sat in the kitchen and cried. I said to my partner that I cant go through all this again. I am seriously debating just going to the doctor and asking to be sent for a scan. But the more I think 'YES - that is what im gonna do', the more I get paranoid that I will go and they'll say 'yes, there is something in your head'. Why wont it go? Why did it go,then come back again? I am seriously starting to believe that it is something sinister because it was on the right hand side of my head, then it went, then it returned - on the right hand side of my head. Why would it keep coming back to the same side? If it is stress/anxiety then why doesnt it go all over my head? This thought makes me even more paranoid. The only way it is gonna go away is to go for the scan - but I cant do it. Im terrified of it.
Speak soon xx
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Post by juppster on Jan 24, 2011 12:41:25 GMT
Hi sweetie Im sorry you've had a crappy few days. Unfortunately some of these forums can do more harm than good but i understand you're desperate for answers and reassurance. Have you told your gp how much these thoughts are affecting your life? I would defo look into the cbt again also. You will get through this honey but you need some help to do that....sending you hugs x
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Post by juppster on Jan 26, 2011 18:26:55 GMT
Hey Rainbow, just wondered how you're doing. You know we are here and listening anytime you need x
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Post by rainbow81 on Jan 26, 2011 19:59:34 GMT
Hi Juppster, It means a lot to me that you have replied thankyou. I went to the doctors yesterday. It was a new woman g.p. who I seen. When I went in the room I broke down. I could not stop crying. She sat and listened to me and I told her about all the other doctors I have seen, what they have each told me and that I didnt think they were taking me seriously. She had a chat with me and prescribed me bloody antibiotics (cefalexin) and ibuprofen!!!!!!!!! She said I am to go back and see her in 2 weeks. The pills are because she thinks I have a sinus infection and nothing sinister. I have to go back in 2 weeks to discuss her referring me to CBT and 'scans and things'! At that point I panicked!!! She said she thinks im stressed and that I need to rest and drink plenty - plenty what? Vodka? Thats what I feel like! She told me she understands that it is hard to 'rest' when I have 4 kids and a house to run. I was still not happy with it though because even though I explained about the sensations in my head - she still referred to it as a 'headache' or 'pains'. I kept telling her, I don't get a headache and I am not in pain - thats the truth, but she just didnt seem to get it!!!!! Iv been taking the pills anyway for my supposed sinus infection. I still feel the same. I actually managed to sleep last night though - which was good. And then this morning I felt ok, I had no wierd feelings in my head, up until about 11am. Then it started again. It got worse around teatime. I dont know if that was because I was stood at the cooker for ages making spaghetti though! Speak soon all xx
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Post by juppster on Jan 27, 2011 8:11:47 GMT
Good to hear from you Rainbow. Im glad you managed to open up to your gp even if she did just give you some antibiotics and ibuprofen! At least she is aware though of how upset you are and its good that you are going back to see her again in 2 weeks time and that she has mentioned other options. Im sure she has only mentioned the scans to reassure you, i know when i had a lot of sinus problems they sent me for scans which was quite scary but at least it puts your mind at rest. Hoping you managed to sleep ok again last night, take care of yourself xx
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