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Post by nicola1712 on Oct 17, 2010 20:08:06 GMT
Not been on in blinkin yonks but have been so busy and actually feeling better until about a week ago. Have had a shit week - every day nearing tears by the end of it, getting all shaky and anxious about leaving the kids with other people when I go to work - all the old feelings coming back - will they hate me for leaving, will they forget me - well, this is more about Stephen than Hannah cos she is used to it more....  I watch Stephen and he plays all on his own happily amusing himself and it makes me want to cry, I moan Hannah can't amuse herself and then when she does I jump in and try and join her and then we argue..... Today was the worst - just felt like curling up and crying all day, didn't want to make an effort with anyone, snapped at hubby all day, hardly talked to the kids and now feel shit about it all. We went out for a lovely walk in the sunshine to try and help my modd but nope - still pants. Plus I had a bad night's sleep cos been getting withdrawal symptoms from pills when I haven't missed any so don't know what that is all about?!  Hubby thinks it might have something to do with us having few problems with my mum and Hannah. My mum is spoiling her stupid - with toys and attention and it is getting to breaking point now. She has kind of always done it but it makes life unbearable when Hannah comes home - she is a whingy, tantrumy, stroppy, selfish moo when she comes home from mum's and seems to have forgotten whet no means. I do mention it to my mum often and she promises to try but it always slips back to this. We have had two days at home without seeing my mum and Hannah has turned into 'my child' again and has been lovely. The trouble is we rely on grandparents for childcare two days a week (one day each) so I can't just stop my mum seeing them, and wouldn't really want it to be that drastic. Oh and she doesn't do any of this with Stephen - only Hannah - she is stricter with Stephen, still cuddles him etc. but expects more of him and this upsets me. Hubby says I have to talk to her seriously which I know I do but really don't want to have to and it is stressing me - so that may be the anxiety thing at the moment. Am also bit panicky cos can't remember the last time I was on, have gone off tea, am incredibly tired all the time and tearful, and keep peeing every five minutes......sound familiar?! Have still got the coil in so am pretty sure there are no more babies on the way but what if it hasn't worked for whatever reason....?! Although those can be 'due on' symptoms too...! |
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Post by juppster on Oct 18, 2010 8:27:53 GMT
Hey Nicola
Im sorry things have started to slip again...i am just on my way out for some cbt but will read through your post later on and reply properly. Thinking of you xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Oct 18, 2010 10:49:01 GMT
Hi Nicola,
Sorry your having a shitty time of it lately, i read your post and thought wow that could have been written by me!!
My mum treats each of my children differently and it really does my head in, they are all her grandchildren so why not treat them the same!! Its gotten to the point that my younger 2 don't even like to go and see her whereas my eldest will quite often go and see her on his own! Its very annoying and i try to limit my own contact with her because of the way she is but i find it highly stressful! So i know how you feel on that score.
Also if you are worried about being pregnant, just go out and buy a cheap test, i always think its better knowing than not knowing! I know myself i have these thoughts and it makes me feel worse - like the symptoms become more prominent if i don't find out..........but as soon as i do find out they go away and my period appears! the body works in mysterious ways eh? I am also having these symptoms at the moment but i know from my diary that i am definately due on! (i have the coil too!)
Anyway didn't want to read and run, just wanted to say you aren't alone hun, maybe you need to rest a bit more, be a bit kinder to yourself, can you have a pamper night at home maybe? have a nice bath, face mask, manicure etc etc? can make you feel ten times better? keep in touch, just writing it down can also help loads (but then you know that anyway!)
thinking of you.xxxx
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Post by juppster on Oct 18, 2010 11:51:31 GMT
Me again!
I agree with sarahjay on the pregnancy test...it will put your mind at rest to know one way or another, at least then that will be one less stress for you.
Having problems and stressors in your life is bound to make you feel the way you are. I know even the slightest thing going wrong at the moment would set my mood off dramatically. Hopefully this is just a blip but if it continues for too long and you're getting worried about maybe go back to your gp and discuss it with them.
Try not to beat yourself up about your children amusing themselves. I am EXACTLY the same with Jack, i so want him to amuse himself sometimes and then when he does i end up intefering! You're certainly not alone on that one.
Come back and let us know how you're doing x
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Post by nicola1712 on Oct 20, 2010 9:59:33 GMT
Thank ladies - nice to know we can always pop in and out of here to get support when feeling pants  Still emotional at the moment, on and off, still not come on yet and yes the more I think about it the worse the symptoms seem to get so am going to chemist on the way back from the school run later to get a test. My friend had to do this when she first had the coil too and lost track of her periods, like they tell you happens and I knew I would get panicky about it! And yes I will take it and prob come on tomorrow...  Still getting panicky at leaving Hannah at pre school and Stephen with the grandparents but am quashing it in my mind and keeping busy. Had a chat with my mum and she is trying harder now to be tougher with Hannah. Have told her that we all need to be consistent with the rules cos both sets of grandparents play a big role in their lives due to being our childcare while I work, and once they are older and understand the difference between home and Nanny's then she can spoil them more - but not while we are trying to establish rules. So hopefully things will start to improve......will keep you updated! Will give it a couple weeks and see if the emotional bit improves cos really don't want to have to up my meds more. Hopefully just a blip. xx |
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Post by nicola1712 on Oct 20, 2010 10:02:16 GMT
Oh and sarajay - that sounds like a nightmare too for you - my grandparents were like that with me and my brother - had favourites so to speak and it is not much fun and was hard on my parents (so you think my mum would have learnt!?)
How do you get round it - do you talk to them about it?
xx
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Post by sarajay28 on Oct 20, 2010 15:53:29 GMT
Hi Nicola,
Glad ur gonna go and get a test - one less worry!
On the grandparent thing - no i don't discuss it, i know i probably should but i just avoid the situation!! i know, not the best idea but it works for me at the moment! to some degree anyway........not sure what to advise really cos its the one thing i don't know how to deal with myself!!
Hope you feel better soon.xxx
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Post by nicola1712 on Oct 23, 2010 17:57:56 GMT
Thanks. Well i wasn't preggers - phew! Didn't get a test cos came on the next day anyway. Still feeling pants though and had a good cry yesterday. Hate this getting all anxious when I have to go to work, haven't had it for so long it's annoying. I can't look at customers who have babies with them cos it makes me want to cry that I am not with my babies... When I get home I just can't put them down - lots of kisses and cuddles and they get away with anything! DH says must be just hormones and see how I feel next week before going docs - well have to go docs anyway bout my foot again (long long story for those of who who don't follow my diary!) so might mention it then. On the bright side - I have lots going on at the moment, have got a writing job now, writing ( from home) which I love, and is what my degree was in so that will help the finances a bit, along with the job. But also I need desperately to do some exercise and really think it will help my moods as well. Now when it comes to exercise I am very lazy and don't like any one thing in particular - the gym bores me silly and I don't keep it up, swimming I like but can't be faffed with all the getting changed and stuff so I really thought about it today and I loved horse riding when I was a kid and would so love to do it again but it is so expensive these days. But my mum found a local riding for the disabled centre looking for volunteers to help clean out the horses and exercise them so am gonna get in touch with them and see - free riding in return for mucking out (which I don't mind atall and is still exercise) on tamer than tame horses sounds great! So will see what they say.... xx |
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Post by monica on Oct 23, 2010 21:03:09 GMT
Hi
Just catching up on your diary - did read it while ago but recently I don't have time to do much other than that. Lame but true.
You have tonnes of exciting stuff going on in you rlife wht with work, kids, writing and now potentially horse riding too! It's something I've never tried but would like to but as you say it's not a cheap hobby so the what you've come up with sounds like the perfect solution.
I hope things pick up for you. Have you noticed any pattern? I noticed that my pni definately turned into PMT and I was on meds at the time. It's a goodidea to talk it over with dr. How's the foot btw. I hope it's improving.
Love
Monica
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Post by nicola1712 on Nov 10, 2010 11:14:04 GMT
Been a bit up and down still - really short tempered with H these days but I can kinda see she is purposely testing me at the moment so hopefully it is her and not me doing my head in! Finalised the horse riding thing and start in couple weeks time which I am very much looking forward to. Am hoping bit if fresh air and exercise will help my head a bit too. Foot is driving me bonkers and got really fed up with it last week - went to docs again and it is still deeply infected, now got a fungal infection on the nail itself too (!), and now on different antibiotics again. HATE taking antibiotics cos they give me thrush and just want rid of this problem now. IF these don't work I am gonna get stroppy with the podiatrist and tell them I want the whole nail off end of....  Am past caring what it will look like, I can't be doing this every few months for the sake of wearing flip flops in the summer - you can buy falsies and get them professionally done as well so would rather pay for that over each summer instead. Finding I want to be back at work now, went through a stage of hating it there but quite enjoyed it again last week so I must be feeling bit better in that sense. Am only in one day this week though cos we are going to Center Parcs for the weekend this weekend. Very exciting! LOVE Center Parcs. So am busy packing, washing, writing, working and trying not to shout at my children xx |
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Post by Hopeful on Nov 27, 2010 14:48:17 GMT
Love centre parcs too - did you have a good time? xxx
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Am past caring what it will look like, I can't be doing this every few months for the sake of wearing flip flops in the summer - you can buy falsies and get them professionally done as well so would rather pay for that over each summer instead.