I cant cope - bad mother

[lucyloo]

I am new to this forum, but I feel that I need some help. I feel very desperate at this moment.
I am 5 M pregnant (had 20k scan yesterday all is well and we are having a boy) I also have a daughter who is coming up to 3yr next month, she is very clever and is very headstrong which I am finding very difficult to cope with at the moment.
After the birth of my daughter (4 month in) I started to suffer PNA (OCD) which was awful. And only started to feel normal again this summer, that is until I fell pregnant unexpectedly, we always wanted another at some point but this wasnt planned, although it is wanted and I know is a blessing.
We are now waiting for planning permission to come thorough so we can get an extention on the house which we will need for space. This is a bit of a worry for me too.

I have been very short tempered with my husband and daugheter. And this is why I write because I loose my patience with my daughter too much lately. I feel overwhelmed alot of the time, especially the past 5 days has been very up and down.
Well he other day my daughter was playing up and I lost my temper and grabbed her arm and lifted her up and took her to her bed by one arm. Today I see a bruise about the size of my thumb on her arm. And I can only guess this was me, she is always falling and banging herself as toddlers do, but im worried must be me. I feel so bad, this is child abuse is it not? What sort of mother am I? My worst fears are coming true and I am so desperate and feel so helpless and scared that if I tell someone the they will tell me what an awful mother I am and will call social services.

I love my daughter very much and try to do my best for her. But my best is not good enough. And how will I cope with another? I wont will I!

I have smacked her once, but I don't make a habit of it and certainly don' believe in it as punishment. I have got help for my anger as I had screamed at her on several occasions when I could not take any more. (this followed on from some CBT I was taking so got extra help)

I really hate myself right now. And need to call someone for help but scared of what will happen. I am still an out patient at the hospital & I can contact my CBT therapist if I choose. I want to call my midwife as she seems very understanding but what if she isn't when I tell her this?

What can I do?? I'm scared that I will loose total control. I don't know if this is the right place to post so if not could someone point m in the right direction. Please don't think I don't love my D I do! And I want her to be happy, Im afraid I am messing her up. And that I will do the same with my unborn son.

[Hopeful]

Welcom to the forum lucyooxx

I did not suffer antenatally,although my illness started soon after my son was born and my daughter was then 3.


I too had strong feelings of being overwhelmed and was extremely short tempered with my husband. Please do not worry about the small bruise on your daughter's arm - these things do happen and it is not child abuse. x

I honestly recommend speaking to your Midwife or HV - I know some are more helpful than others - but they will have seen ladies in your position many times before, they won't be shocked and should be sympathetic.

Some help and support will make a huge difference - keep talking here too if it helps

Hopefulxx

[wanagetoverthis]

Hi Lucyloo

Totally agree with Hopeful, nobody will think bad of you if you reach out as they see it everyday.

You've recognised your dealing with something you're struggling to control and are reaching out for help, that doesn't make you a bad Mum, that makes you a GOOD Mum

Lotsalove
N xxx

[lucyloo]

I am also currently under pressure with work (I work from home) and have not stopped for time out for nearly a month so perhaps this is not helping. It should slow down a bit now so I should perhaps see some improvement in my coping. If not I will be sure to speak to someone about it. My Father and mother now now how it has been for me so hopefully I will get a bit of extra help when I need it. My husband does help me when he can and is aware.

I still have the gremlins in my head today but not feeling as desperate as I was with thanks to your comments.

[Hopeful]

Hi Lucy,

Big hugs - we're here listening any time.

Hopefulxx

[wanagetoverthis]

Ditto keep positive xxx

[monica]

Hello amd welcome

Huge congrats on your pregnancy. I'm sorry things are tough for you atm. You have alot on your plate - pregnancy, demanding toddler who is pushing boundaries, work etc. Even the most saintly of parents reach breaking point. But the main thing is you have identified what th eproblems are and the solutions to them - do get help and support. Talk to your midwife - sure she will have heard it before and can offer you advice and support. Believe me you are not alone and are certainly not a bad mother - it's so clear that you love you daughter so much.

My youngest is 2 and is driving me nuts atm. He is having whopper tantrums everything is such a battle even the simplest task. I have two others - my eldest has left a school project to the last minute which is due in tomorrow - I haven't stopped screaming all day and have done my back in from lifting my toddler due to his tantrumming. I feel guilty now thinking I could have done it all differently but it's so hard at times to be the perfect parent. sorry to go on about myself but you will get through this - with help it will be much easier.

Monica

[lucyloo]

Thanks for all your kinds words girls. And Monica, its nice to know i'm not alone

Feeling a lot clearer since the pressure id off at work. x

[winegirl]

Hi Lucy

As a working mum who is constantly tired and stressed, I know that you need to be able to give yourself a break, and allow yourself to be upset/angry/stressed at times... its ok to feel this way.

Please keep talking here is it helps, the ladies here are all amazing and we are with you all the way x

Take Care

WG xx

[monica]

So pleased you are feeling better and long may it continue.

Monica