Post by Jay on May 23, 2011 19:02:40 GMT
I have not been on to help anyone in a long time, I am a disgrace, because here I am writing here about my problems.
I somehow need to write this down as I need to let out some of my.....defeat, my anger....my heart hitting my boots.etc.. and because I cannot see how life will go. Part of me wants to just lay down and to go to sleep and not wake again.
I feel that I have struggled for so long, I have been ill for so long....up and down and up and down..and here I am down and down and down. Today my light has gone.
I feel I am imploding.
I saw the Psychiatrist today, I actually got my courage up to tell her that life is hell, and that I did not live, but I just survived and that I hated it and sometimes did not feel how to go on. I had finally thought that no one else would put up with all this with what I live with, so I hoped for some help. I found it hard to explain what happens to me, the awful feeling in my head, the feeling of passing out, how tired I am all the time, how I just sit nearly all day watching TV because I am too tired or just don't have the 'get up and go' anymore. I just feel so ill all the time.
She tells me that no more medication will help me and that I do not have a mental health problem. She asked about what blood tests I have had lately and said she would ring the GP to ask, she then said that if there was no mental health problems they could help with and if there was no physical problems then I just have to live with it all she says it is just anxiety and that it is the Psychologist who is the one to help. BUT the Psychologist is telling me that I am coming to the end of all my help that they have helped all they can and that I will be discharged from her and from the Phychiatrist soon which made me feel petrified. I am told that the PTSD cannot be sorted and that they have given me all the help fo cope with it that they can. I have agreed for someone from the Rehab and Recovery team who are the ones who look after me will take me to see if they can get me to go out alone. IS IT WORTH IT if life is so shit and that they are finishing with me soon?
?Leaving me to go it alone.
My thoughts today is that I just can't do it. My heart is in my boots. I have passed out twice today and cried nearly all day. There seems to be nothing which seems worth going on for. I feel so defeated, I have tried and tried to get well [its now nearly 20 yrs since my daughter was born] and for the past few monthsI can feel myself tumble down down down. Am supposed to go and have a blood test to see if anything physical is causing problems but I feel that if the results of these blood tests are all ok then I am stuffed, life is hopeless.
Perhaps most of my bad thoughts are just today, as I cannot see tomorrow.
I somehow need to write this down as I need to let out some of my.....defeat, my anger....my heart hitting my boots.etc.. and because I cannot see how life will go. Part of me wants to just lay down and to go to sleep and not wake again.
I feel that I have struggled for so long, I have been ill for so long....up and down and up and down..and here I am down and down and down. Today my light has gone.
I feel I am imploding.
I saw the Psychiatrist today, I actually got my courage up to tell her that life is hell, and that I did not live, but I just survived and that I hated it and sometimes did not feel how to go on. I had finally thought that no one else would put up with all this with what I live with, so I hoped for some help. I found it hard to explain what happens to me, the awful feeling in my head, the feeling of passing out, how tired I am all the time, how I just sit nearly all day watching TV because I am too tired or just don't have the 'get up and go' anymore. I just feel so ill all the time.
She tells me that no more medication will help me and that I do not have a mental health problem. She asked about what blood tests I have had lately and said she would ring the GP to ask, she then said that if there was no mental health problems they could help with and if there was no physical problems then I just have to live with it all she says it is just anxiety and that it is the Psychologist who is the one to help. BUT the Psychologist is telling me that I am coming to the end of all my help that they have helped all they can and that I will be discharged from her and from the Phychiatrist soon which made me feel petrified. I am told that the PTSD cannot be sorted and that they have given me all the help fo cope with it that they can. I have agreed for someone from the Rehab and Recovery team who are the ones who look after me will take me to see if they can get me to go out alone. IS IT WORTH IT if life is so shit and that they are finishing with me soon?
?Leaving me to go it alone.My thoughts today is that I just can't do it. My heart is in my boots. I have passed out twice today and cried nearly all day. There seems to be nothing which seems worth going on for. I feel so defeated, I have tried and tried to get well [its now nearly 20 yrs since my daughter was born] and for the past few monthsI can feel myself tumble down down down. Am supposed to go and have a blood test to see if anything physical is causing problems but I feel that if the results of these blood tests are all ok then I am stuffed, life is hopeless.
Perhaps most of my bad thoughts are just today, as I cannot see tomorrow.
