Getting through this Nov 23, 2011 2:56:15 GMT
Post by meadow on Nov 23, 2011 2:56:15 GMT
I’m walking along a path. It’s just a dirt track. People have been here before. I can see where they have trodden down the grass. It’s just one person wide. You can only come here alone, just one walker at a time. Although I’m sure some people have others that they must carry. I’m not carrying anyone. It’s just me. On my left is a meadow. It’s beautiful. The grasses and flowers are swaying gently in a light breeze. The cornflowers are iridescent, the poppies a vivid red. The air is alive with butterflies and dragonflies; I can hear the buzz of bumble bees and the chirrup of crickets. I long to leave the path and just let myself go, to have nothing pressing me on, to just drift in the meadow, lie down, laze, be calm. But I can’t, I have to keep going on this path. If I stop, then the world might end, or my world at least. I’ve been on this path for 6 years and 4 months. Sometimes I think I’m nearing the end, other times I can’t imagine there even being an end. On my right there is nothing. I know it’s a cliff, but over the cliff is just blackness. It might be the sea, or a river, or a canyon. The blackness is silent. Not a reassuring, peaceful silence. But the type of silence that won’t let you stop thinking. Constant thoughts snake into my mind. I have to be very careful not to fall over the edge. It has happened. And then I struggle through the blackness alone and have to find a way out. Sometimes I can get out quickly, other times I’m there for aeons. I don’t know what is ahead of me. The path continues on, but I can’t see it. It could be fog stopping me from seeing what’s ahead, but I can’t even tell if that is so, I just know I can’t see ahead. And I know that I must keep going. One day I’ll be able to turn left off this path and walk through the meadow. I’ll be able to feel the grass and stand still until a butterfly lands on my hand. I’ll be able to stop thinking. I’ll be able to enjoy the soft silence of the meadow and just be.