thoughts of stabbing my baby

[louhilton]

Hi,
I'm new here and have had a little read of some posts. My intrusive thoughts focus on me stabbing my baby. I have been having these thoughts for a couple of weeks now. I have seen my GP who called out the mental health crisis team, they saw me yesterday. They are coming again today with a psychiatrist. They have said they're going to visit me every day. They also filled out a form for the social services, so my son's obviously being put on the at risk register or something

I have a history of anxiety, depression and OCD and have had these types of thoughts before about killing people. I was told then that it is just a symptom of my anxiety and OCD. It was about 12 years ago that I first suffered from this. I had CBT and thought I could control the thoughts but now they're just overwhelming me and I'm confused.

I've been reading up on postnatal depression, anxiety and OCD and I'm sure these thoughts are just a symptom. But the fact that the mental health team think I'm a risk has made me feel worse. If the professionals think I'm a risk, then am I? Or they just ignorant of this condition? All my family think I would never do anything and feel that the professionals are overreacting and infact angry that it's been referred to social services.

I'm so confused. Please help

[wanagetoverthis]

Hi

Welcome to the site. I hope you find it useful We're a friendly bunch and everyone is a great support to eachother, so please keep talking to us if it helps

The other girls know more than me regarding social services but I believe there are many reasons you can be referred. So it may be you haven't been put on the at risk register but they could be referring you for help by social services such as regular visits for a chat etc. Sometimes it's just a formality and the process, try not to worry too much x

It's great that you have got help, that's an important first step. Intrusive thoughts are very common with PNI.

I too have suffered with OCD and anxiety for many years so when I had a baby, it was multiplied and went into overdrive!

You'll get there... CBT was great for me then medication gave me that extra strength to keep fighting.

Nat xxx

[juppster]

Hi and welcome.
I would take it all as a positive if you can, the more people that are involved the more help you will receive to combat these thoughts which must be awful for you.
I would imagine Social services is just a precaution, maybe something they have to involve automatically when there are children involved.
Let us know how you get on today, try to be as open and honest with them as possible, they are there to help you xx

[monica]

hello and welcome to the site.

You are spot on that your intrusive thoughts are a symptom of pni and I guess these agencies are involved due to the violent nature of them (even though they are thoughts and you wouldn't act on them). However many have said that even though SS involvement scares the life out of you, any help support you can get will help you. It is frustratingfor you and your family when you know you would never act on these thoughts, but in this climate SS also are back covering.

Intrusive thouughts are so common. Mine used to revolve around dying and illnesses butthese took over my life 24/7. Someone described them to me as your protective instinct going into overdrive and this made sense to me.

Monica

[louhilton]

Thanks everyone, it's great to know other people going through the same thing

The psychiatrist who came was really nice and reassured me that they're just thoughts I'm having. He says he thinks there's a very low risk I would actually do something but legislation requires them to inform social services and follow me up. He prescribed me 50mg of sertraline (an antidepressant) and a sleeping tablet to take for a short time (7.5mg of zopiclone). The visits from the mental health team have already dropped to every other day. Infact when someone came to see me yesterday they couldn't believe how well I was doing and seemed surprised I'd even been referred Looking back I think the GP I saw just overreacted.

I'm feeling much better now that I've been reassured by a psychiatrist that I'm not mad. I still have the thoughts occasionally but try to keep myself busy and think of the thought as a passing car, so it comes into my mind and out again. It's hard though and the more people who ask me how I am the more it reminds me of the thoughts. I went to a mum and baby group the other day and started to have thoughts about harming the other babies too. But I know they're just thoughts and they only happened because of the thoughts about my own baby. These thoughts are like a bacteria that multiply, aren't they? Like if someone said to you 'don't think of a pink elephant' then the first image you think of is a pink elephant lol.

[juppster]

Great to hear you're feeling more positive x

[Bookwormprincess]

Hi Lou,

So glad you've spoken to a psychiatrist who has reassured you. It is indeed possible that the GP overreacted because postnatal illness are often very misunderstood. Most people just think of the baby blues with Mums crying all the time. It's not commonly known about intrusive thoughts even though the thoughts themselves are extremely common.

Huge well done for telling your Dr in the first place. It takes courage.

I suffered with the intrusive thoughts as part of my PP and dealt with them in a similar way to you - I let them float in and float out again although sometimes for the more disturbing ones it was hard not to react emotionally to them. Totally it gets easier. I very occasionally still get them now 4 years on but I know they are just thoughts so they don't bother me in the same way. I like your analogy of a car and the bacteria.

You're exactly right about the pink elephant. Impossible not to have an image of one in my head right now!

I hope you continue to feel better and that social services close your case soon. It's a formality most women with pni could do without just because of the anxiety it invokes, but then I guess if it wasn't procedure some children who really were at risk wouldn't get the help they need. I hated the mention of SS when I was ill but once they knew I was ok and didn't need their support they closed the case.

Take care x

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