aura
Full member
Posts: 90
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Post by aura on Apr 24, 2013 14:56:06 GMT
This has to be part of the illness, because if it's not, I'll just despair. I managed to rid myself of most of the dreaded thoughts: hurting my baby and myself etc, but now I am constantly worried that I will lose control and go mad and hurt him that way, or that I will forget he is my baby in the first place!
I'm also afraid I don't love him enough and sometimes I just want to run away. But then when I see him I get happy and just want to hug and kiss and tickle him.
I know I love him, but why does my brain insist on telling me that I don't or that I will go mad and hurt him? I can't stop worrying about it!!
Have I lost the plot???
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Post by monica on Apr 24, 2013 20:36:54 GMT
No you're not going mad at all. You have lost confidence in yourself. This illness is full of self doubt and u have fallen into a pattern of this, which is why these thoughts keep popping into your head.
However, you ave done brilliantly on your own in getting rid of these thoughts and in time these the last doubts will go too. Its a matter of retraining your thoughts patterns. If one of these pops into your head say 'no' aloud. Distract yourself and think of something else. I promise a bit longer and when one of these thoughts pops into your head you will barely notice it or it will bore you!
You are a fantastic mum who loves her baby more tan anything!
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aura
Full member
Posts: 90
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Post by aura on Apr 25, 2013 8:38:07 GMT
Thank you so much! Your advice really helps. If I know that these thoughts are just my anxiety/brain acting up then I know that I can get rid of them. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I have no desire to do anything, and that's so not like me! Then I feel guilty that I don't have the desire to play with my baby and it reinforces the whole cycle! Thanks for replying monica! Sorry for the vent!
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Post by Weeble on May 6, 2013 19:50:07 GMT
How you feel is really really common, even for mums who don't have pni. My psychologist told me that thoughts are punishment thoughts, how they work is like this. When we are well our subconscious sends up mad thoughts all the time. The think is when we are ill, we notice them more and then we become obsessed by them.
Hope they are easing with the medication
Kat
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