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Post by mrscullen on Jul 3, 2013 15:25:01 GMT
Well I'm 22 and my daughter is 15 days old, my partner is 32 and his 2 children from a previous relationship have moved in with us 6 weeks ago and I'm finding it really hard to adjust to all these sudden changes. I feel like I've gone from no children to 3 in a matter of weeks!
Everything is just getting on top of me and I dont know where to turn. I try and tell my partner how I feel but he just thinks I'm being nasty towards his children and calls me selfish, resulting in a massive argument which in turn makes me feel a whole lot worse. He just wont look at things from my point of view, his children are 6 and 8 and they speak to me like crap and say horrible things to me but my partner never sticks up for me and when I do say something to the chilldren about how they are acting, he goes ballistic.
I feel like I have no one to talk to. Any advice from you ladies would be much appreciated
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Post by monica on Jul 3, 2013 16:33:42 GMT
Hello and welcome
You have so much on your plate. No doubt a baby is enough to contend with and is a huge life change but two children of your partners who are treating you badly...not suprised you are feeling low.
May I ask why his 2 kids have had to move in now? Maybe your partner feels caught in the middle and the kids are laying on te guilt trip and he taking it out on you.
Can you two ave a little time on your own. Maybe say to him calmly you would like to talk to him about things at home.ask him to listen to you for 2 mins without interruption and give him specific examples oh his kids' behaviour and how it makes you feel. He needs to back you for the kids to learn bad behaviour won't be tolerated. I know this mst be a big change for them as well - new house, new baby, but ground rules need to be set by both of you. easier said than done I know!
Could you talk to your health visitor or dr about how u feel? Support at this vulnerable tie wouldn't make u feel so alone. Do you have friends or family you could talk to?
Do return to us. The ladies here are wonderful and v understandingx
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 3, 2013 17:08:12 GMT
The children coming to live with us was really out of the blue, social services just turned up with them one day.
I understand they must be upset and confused right now but I try my best to take their minds off it all, I buy them things, I take them places and I do things with them and still I'm made out to be the bad guy in all of this. They've even gone as far as to make lies up about me to my partner, saying I've done things that I haven't.
I'm upset and angry all the time and I cry over the smallest things. If things carry on like this I'm going to end up being a single mum, I just want the best for my daughter.
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Post by monica on Jul 5, 2013 21:34:34 GMT
The kids behaviour must be very tough on you. Would some sort of family counselling help? Might help yur oh see your point of view and how important it is for you to have support . Would you consider that?
Hugest hugsx for you. Hope the weekend is good. Do u have any plans?x
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Post by juppster on Jul 6, 2013 7:18:19 GMT
Just wondering how the past few days have been for you? X
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 6, 2013 16:41:47 GMT
Things are no better and I'm beginning to feel like an intruder in my own home. I tried yet again to speak to my partner but as always we ended up arguing. He thinks I'm trying to make him choose between me and the children, which I am in NO WAY trying to do. I just want to be treated with abit of respect, I have opened my home to them and I am playing the role of 'mum' to these two, I'm only 22 and thats alot to take on. I dont think I'm asking too much am I?
My doctor wanted to give me anti-depressants yesterday but I refused, with all this stress I'm beginning to feel like a failure to my own daughter and I feel taking medication will just make me feel worse. I'm at a loss as to what to do anymore.
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Post by juppster on Jul 7, 2013 6:55:21 GMT
No, I don't think you're asking too much. You've just had a new baby and you've taken on two other children all at the age of 22. That's a lot in anyone's book.
Can I ask why you feel taking medication will make you feel worse? For me, along with some counselling, it was a life saver. You have nothing to lose by trying it, you might find that it takes the edge off slightly and makes you feel more able to cope at the moment.
You are in no way a failure to your daughter or anybody else, life is throwing you a lot of crap at the moment and you are doing your best to deal with it. What do you think it might take for your partner to really start listening to you and taking you seriously? xx
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 7, 2013 8:26:51 GMT
I think the meds will make me feel worse in a sense of I'll feel more like a failure.
My partner is a good man he's just finding it difficult at the moment, he says he feels like hes being pulled in all different directions, which I can understand. It doesnt help that the children try to make him feel guilty about spending time with me and the baby, they dont like it when he is doing something with the baby rather than them.
I also feel like crap at the min because I put loads of weight on during my pregnancy and I want to get it shifted but I cant exercise yet as my stitches are still too sore and everything is just a mess, including me...
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Post by monica on Jul 7, 2013 18:02:38 GMT
Hi
Could you show your oh what you've written here? Perhaps that might elc him understand how you're feeling. He must feel caught in the middle but it's not fair on you either. By not tolerating his kids manipulation doesn't make him a bad or unloving dad. it sets ground rules and by letting them know they can't treat you badly. I know this is easy to write and harder to put into practice.
Well done on seeing dr. I agree with Juppster . Taking Meds doesn't make u a failure. They were a turning point for me and might give you that much needed lift you need. Did dr offer counselling and talking therapies.
You are a wonderful mum and person. New baby, new step kids who are making your life difficult albeit due to difficult circumstances for them is a lot to take on at any age let alone at 22.
Re weight, I know it's easier to say, but it's such early days. It's horrible feeling putting it on but once ur better in yourself, try to do exercises to tone up etc . It will come off. I put on stacks in my first pregnancy but you will come off.
Monica
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 8, 2013 8:12:33 GMT
I showed OH this post last night and he says he will try to make it better for me, so hopefully things will start to improve!
This morning I have woke up in a really wierd mood, I've already been hysterical twice and its only just gone 9am... I hate to think what the rest of the day will be like.
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Post by monica on Jul 8, 2013 8:28:10 GMT
Deep breaths. Monday mornings are so hard and an emotional strain. Can feel daunting having the whole week looming ahead of you.
Well done on showing posts to your oh. Hopefully it's brought home what's going on and what he needs to do. Brilliant.
Is there anything you find relaxing or something you enjoy? Maybe having nails done or a massage? Treat urself. It might perk you up!
Do u have friends with babies? Maybe meeting up with someone will relax you and act as distraction.
Monica
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 8, 2013 10:43:55 GMT
I arranged to go to lunch with one of my friends tomorrow and I was feeling abit better until my OH ex (mother of the children) started sending abusive messages to us yet again! Its like 1 step forward 2 steps back... Sigh  Talking to you guys on here is helping though, I feel better when I've seen that you think I'm not over-reacting and that I'm not crazy! So thank you  |
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Post by monica on Jul 10, 2013 13:53:33 GMT
Dreadful re texts. Keep them. Maybe consider going to police because you shouldn't have to put up with that behaviour. Why is she doing that? Hugs. It's defo not what you need.
Did you still go out to lunch?
Monica
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 10, 2013 19:25:19 GMT
She is a terrible person, the things she has done are unreal! She has broke into my house, threatened me while I was pregnant, tried to smash our windows, her boyfriend (who is addicted to crack cocaine) has threatened me and my partner. Its a constant battle with them and the police havent been much help. They really aren't nice people.
I did go to lunch and I felt better for a while, but we had a meeting with the social worker when I come home and I was holding on to the fact that the situation regarding the children was temporary but now they have told us that the children are here to stay, forever. She is never allowed the children back.
I cant help but feel upset and angry about this and that in turn makes me feel worse for being selfish.
Am I a bad person for wanting it to be just me, my partner and our daughter? x
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Post by mrscullen on Jul 10, 2013 22:21:20 GMT
We have split up and he says he is moving out. We were supposed to be getting married and I have just had his baby, how can he do this to me when I need him the most?
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