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Post by belindajh on Aug 31, 2013 20:20:32 GMT
This is my new diary, I might not post every day or every week but I'm hoping this might help me.
So I was diagnosed about 2 weeks and have been taking my meds, I felt a lot better after just telling someone it was a big relief I was so scared and didn't want to believe it!
My little girl is 5 months and love her to pieces I have no problem bonding with her which I am so thankful for! I just struggle a bit sometimes if she is grumpy or if she's had a bad a night I just want my partner to help me.
I have been pushing everyone in my life away, I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I haven't been going out, unless I'm with my partner I don't feel safe I get so panicked!
I have had some good days recently and hoping this is the meds working! Then last night I had a complete breakdown, cried my eyes out for hours until my partner found me! I feel like no one wants me every one wants me to go to them and the way I am I have just had enough!
I am now ignoring everyone until they make the effort with me.
I am so paranoid about my partner and I never want him to leave me even for a few hours I find looking after my litttle girl hard when hes not around at night (this is the only time she gets a bit grumpy)!
Anyway that's enough for today, lets see what happens next!
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Post by juppster on Aug 31, 2013 20:23:11 GMT
Welcome to the diary section honey, really hope you find it useful x
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Post by monica on Sept 1, 2013 8:50:12 GMT
Welcome. Offloading ur thoughts and feelings can be a huge help. It does sound as if Meds kicking in and you should go from strength to strength but with pni it's the norm to have blips - times when it feels you are going downhill.
It will get better thoughx
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Post by belindajh on Sept 2, 2013 15:30:46 GMT
So with all my troubles at the min I found out something yesterday that had just made me 10 times worse!!  I found out that my other half has hidden 2 grand gambling debt from me for months and he lost 200 the other day ... We hardly have any money and I was hoping to only go back part time but now its not looking that way. He just keeps letting me down and I feel like I shouldn't be with him but I love him and I need him! |
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Post by juppster on Sept 2, 2013 20:10:19 GMT
Ah, that's a tough thing to discover. Have you spoken to him about it? X
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Post by Weeble on Sept 3, 2013 19:26:58 GMT
ouch what a mare. big hugs keep talking to us xxx
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by belindajh on Sept 6, 2013 10:25:11 GMT
So we have sorted the gambling issue, we have transferred the money to a new credit card with no interest for 27 months he can now pay it of slowly him self so it wont effect me or my little girl. He is now going let me control his money he says he can't do it him self. So that all done with and I have been feeling worse, I cant really say why just feel so low and I keep just wishing my little girl will sleep all the time I am trying to make my self go out and do things but I just want to get home. I am starting to deal with things in the house a lot better though so thats one good thing I suppose. |
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Post by Weeble on Sept 6, 2013 17:15:39 GMT
do you think he should get some help for his addiction? great that you have sorted it out. keep strong
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by belindajh on Sept 9, 2013 13:39:29 GMT
I think he should get help but he won't Anyway I decided to have a night just us two, film in bed and early night so we dropped my little girl of at her nannas and just got home to a call she won't stop screaming so we went back and all she wanted was me as shes teething I haven't left her I weeks! So we stayed put her to bed then came back home but by that time it was 11! Not an early night but was nice not to get up in the night and not get up in the morning  Today im back to feeling rubbish feel like I have no one! Im back at the doctors on Wednesday so hopefully they can do something! My health visitor is happy with how well I am bonding with my little girl so that makes me feel better in some ways! |
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Post by Weeble on Sept 9, 2013 21:17:41 GMT
well done u r a great mum
Sent from my GT-I9300 using proboards
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Post by belindajh on Sept 17, 2013 10:21:21 GMT
So the doctor has doubled my dose and I am starting to feel better I am feeling more calm not so stressed by the little things. I am still feeling like I don't want to see anyone friends or family I am trying to make my self though I don't want to loose everyone over this.
My little girl is teething bad and its effecting her sleeping I am finding this really hard!! My partner has this week of to help me but sometimes I feel he doesn't want to help!
I know they say not to change anything in your life but I felt lonely and I have got two cats I know its silly but they are really cheering me up!
Does anyone have any advice about wanting to avoiding family and friends? I really don't want to do it but I just can't stop my self ...
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aura
Full member
Posts: 90
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Post by aura on Sept 17, 2013 10:38:49 GMT
I know it's easier to avoid family and friends. But what I used to do is take one tiny step at a time. I stay with my parents and am a single mom, so couldn't really avoid them, but I did with friends. What I did is chose one friend I really really trust, and met up with her once every two weeks. I can't tell you how stressed out it made me feel waiting for her to visit, but I felt like a weight had lifted after. Like I had faced my fear and beat it or something.
Don't worry, you aren't alone in this.
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Post by monica on Sept 30, 2013 21:39:11 GMT
How r u doing ? Take it slow but do try to meet with someone from time to time. If u try to overcome ur fears it will get easier x
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Post by juppster on Nov 18, 2013 8:09:18 GMT
How's things sweetie? x
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