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Post by monica on Sept 26, 2016 17:29:03 GMT
Don't deelbad about yourself for struggling . No one would chose to feel this way and if the tables were turned you would be so sympathetic and understanding to someone with similar feelings to you - you need to be kind and understanding to yourself X
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Post by brach24 on Sept 28, 2016 13:27:26 GMT
Ah Qr, hugs to you. Sorry I've not been on for a while - looks like it's been a tough few weeks. The up and down of the lump really does sound like a cyst. Hope your appt is soon so you can breathe again.
When will the emdr start? It sounds really hopeful.
This is hard times - just keep hold of the knowledge it won't always be this hard - you will beat this again. And be kind to yourself in the meantime. Gentle hugs xx
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Post by quantumrose on Sept 29, 2016 17:58:20 GMT
Thank you Brach and Monica, kind and wonderful as ever xxx
Yeah, things aren't good unfortunately and coming into autumn and winter is making me nervous too. I just don't feel safe, like anything bad could happen at any minute. It's exhausting.
The appointment at the breast clinic is on wednesday, it cannot come round soon enough. I'm totally beside myself, I know the extent to which I'm worrying is irrational but it's very hard to control. Hubby is getting tired of me being this way I think.
I desperately need help with prctical stuff but I don't want to see anyone really. I don't want to pretend I'm ok but equally don't want to be a downer on everyone.
Just miserable really.
Hope things get better soon x
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Post by quantumrose on Sept 30, 2016 12:59:09 GMT
Just got a call from wellbeing service and the list for emdr is closed, so they can only offer me cbt. I'm really sad and frustrated about this but I'll have a think about other options.
I think maybe it would be helpful to recognise that I am in the thick of it right now, mental health wise. I hope that this is as bad as it gets and that things improve soon. I feel pretty defeated by the anxiety, which feels like a force of nature and something I'm finding very difficult to reason with.
It saddens me emensely that after each of my childrens births I have suffered from PND. I feel very responsible for this and can only hope that they are unharmed by it. I do my best, I struggle on for them when I least want to and they give me strength. But I want to do right by them. I just don't have the energy to anything except exist right now but when I've had my breast clinic appointment and hopefully feel reassured, I will have another think as to the best thing to do.
I'm not a terrible person am I? I try my best, I'm not doing very well at anything right now. I just wish I could soothe my poor brain. And my body for that matter, I am so tense and my muscles hurt.
Onwards and upwards, I'm praying that things get better xxxx
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Post by monica on Sept 30, 2016 17:03:06 GMT
Oh QR you are a wonderful kind hearted lady. This terrible illness is not a reflection of you as a person in any way shape or form. It's sad you can't believe that as you carry this burden needlessly . In time you will. No one would chose PNI - for many women it's simply triggered by hormones - let's face it we can't control those !
I hope whatever form of therapy you're offered helps you heal - keeping everything crossed for you. How are you physically ? I know that impacts on your emotional health hugely . Big hugs my lovely x
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 1, 2016 8:29:31 GMT
Went to bed anxious. Woke up anxious. Have a headache and my muscles are still so tense.
But I watched a TED talk on anxiety and I'm going to put a few suggestions to work today. I can't keep talking to myself the way I do. I am so, so mean to myself. I think the kindness I show to the children would be easier and more genuine if I could be that kind to myself. So, when I'm in pain, or worried, or feeling bad, I'm going to try and be kind to myself. Because in order to stop the bad thoughts I need to have something to replace them with.
I woke up to a rainbow in the sky today, I hope it's a good omen xxxxxx
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Post by brach24 on Oct 1, 2016 21:50:17 GMT
Yes rainbows always remind me that there is hope. I'm totally with you that how we treat ourselves hugely impacts how we treat others. Speak kindly to your inner child  tell her how amazing she is keeping going through all this. I'm still really pissed off for you about the emdr - it seemed such a great opportunity. It gets great reviews. Will you go ahead with the cbt or wait for the list to open again or work through it yourself? I think you're amazing having worked through this before. You will beat it again, and you'll be a better person for having gone through it. I too worry about how my pnd has affected the kids but I can see that it's also put me in a better place to help them deal with difficulties. Sorry I'm rabbiting - hope you can keep positive and kind to yourself even in the midst of this really tough stuff xxx hugs xxx |
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Post by monica on Oct 3, 2016 15:29:29 GMT
It sounds like the perfect plan - perfect words Brach - you need to nurture your inner child . I hope the past few days have been kind to youx
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Post by brach24 on Oct 9, 2016 8:21:57 GMT
Hey qr - thinking of you and praying today is a bit lighter for you xx
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 11, 2016 18:33:24 GMT
Hi lovely ladies. How are you? I've been wanting to write for a while but didn't know what to say. The appointment at breast clinic was scary and awful. I had an ultrasound and the consultant was pretty sure I have a milk cyst. But was "obligated" to do a core biopsy. I'm bruised, and Im sore and terrified. I've waited a week for results, got another week to wait. It just seems so cruel... The consultant was so reassuring and said he'd be very surprised if it was anything suspicious and that he doesn't do false reassurance. But I'm left, with no support, thinking maybe I can't stand the wait. It's unbearable.
I'm tired, lonely, on edge and weirdly detached at the same time. I wish I knew you both, but I branch and Monica, in real life! I will get through this won't I? I will cope? If only for the babies....
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Post by brach24 on Oct 12, 2016 8:40:48 GMT
You will cope - and you'll come out the other side a stronger person. Look there's another day closer to getting the results and putting it behind you. Every minute you are moving closer to this being behind you. It really sounds very reassuring from the consultant. I know that your anxiety doesn't let you feel that - horrible nasty anxiety!!
Is there any coping mechanisms to help you through the remaining days? Any short term med options, chocolate? Walks in nature? Friends to see?
Distraction is probably your best tool just now - it'll get the time put in till you get the results.
Wish I was closer to pop over and have a laugh about something silly with you xxx big hugs xxx
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 12, 2016 9:51:06 GMT
Hey Brach, yes to distraction! I've been doing it so frantically though, that last night I totally melted down. Hubby is working from home today, so I'm able to gather myself a bit.
Baby is asleep, I've just had breakfast and I'm going to do some yoga. Aaaaaand breathe.... Big love brach xxx
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Post by monica on Oct 12, 2016 16:21:22 GMT
Hey my lovely
It's horrible waiting for results even if you've been told the likelihood is they'll be fine. You'll be ok and get through this I'm sure. Take each day as it comes without stressing . Hope today has been a good one and your hubby is helping you? How's the back/ pelvis!
Also wish we all could meet - I'd love to help you out in person whilst you're going throu this horrid waiting X
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 12, 2016 19:23:36 GMT
Popping in quickly to say got test result! They called me this afternoon to say all clear. Can't tell you the relief...its a lactation adanoma, a milk cyst. Just wanted to let you know, thank you so much for you support. Now I can concentrate on healing my bruised boob! xxxxx
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Post by monica on Oct 12, 2016 19:35:16 GMT
Hooray fantastic news! You make sure you take it easy and just enjoy xxx
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tell her how amazing she is keeping going through all this. 