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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 8, 2014 12:01:53 GMT
So Felix went back with G yesterday to Hampshire. It was a really tough day as my anxiety was already sky high when I woke up. I feel so emotionally retarded as I really struggle to deal with situations of conflict and that includes disciplining Felix when he is bring naughty. He is most of The time a star but like any toddler he is pushing the boundaries. I get so stressed and anxious when he is negative. I have pretty much convinced myself that I have a personality disorder because my emotions are so shut up. I think I have an avoident and dependent disorder. If so that means that I am stuck with these feelings for ever and don't have Pni. Feeling very confused and like I will never get better and be a fit mum.
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Post by monica on May 8, 2014 17:16:01 GMT
Hi
I felt like you too stuck with the inability to feel 'normal' stuck with perpetual anxiety. Have hope. It takes time to relearn thought patterns and there are many ups and down but please have hope.
It sounds like you had a great time with Felix and did a marvellous job of it. The anxiety is not a personality flaw; it's a horrible symptom of this illness.
Hugs sweetiex
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Post by quantumrose on May 8, 2014 17:18:41 GMT
Berry, hold on, things will get better x When toddlers are pushing the boundries its exhausting and emotional for anyone, let alone with PNI. You're doing really well, sometimes theres just nothing that will avoid a tantrum or naughtiness and its so easy to take it personally, especially when you're feeling at a low eb. All the best lovely, keep us posted x
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Post by Weeble on May 9, 2014 20:57:52 GMT
Hi I had fears like that just about every diagnosis. lack of emotion is a symptom of pni. I lost all my emotion for years. But it will come back. Hope today has been ok
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 10, 2014 14:11:06 GMT
Still feeling very wobbly and swinging between anxiety and depression. Psychologist said yesterday that I have an unhealthy coping mechanism of avoiding negative emotions directly or indirectly. Apparently I internalise these emotions and turn them on myself. I am trying to keep a thought diary which is hard. I just don't like being horrible to anyone, especially Felix. It has really bloomed since having Felix.
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Post by monica on May 11, 2014 22:22:33 GMT
Hi
I'm not sure but I think I have a similar coping mechanism in the sense that to avoid emotional pain I sort of become numb in certain situations and don't feel the things I should.
All I can suggest is keep talking. It doesntmske u a bad person. its a question of relearning and changing thought processes. Ur psychologist sounds really good with great insight .
How has weekend been?x
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Post by Weeble on May 12, 2014 20:21:38 GMT
I had loads of bad coping mechanisms and.still do!! Love the name felix
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 13, 2014 11:41:02 GMT
So the weekend was ok with lots of walking and helping around the house. My mood is just so up and down. Today I feel like pants and have been in bed most of it. My reality is so upside down as Felix is not here. I want to be fit and well for him but my mind just doesn't seem to want to let me. I feel really angry with myself that I feel so bad and blame myself relentlessly for not pulling myself together. I also worry that I am pissing off my patient and kind mum. I should be doing her hoovering and tidying whilst she is at work. Instead I am pathetically curled up in bed.
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Post by Weeble on May 13, 2014 21:19:33 GMT
Lying pathetically in bed is an essential part of recovery from pni so well done. Remember this.illness is no different to having other illnesses like infections or broken bones You would not begrudge yourself rest in those circumstances. Tell your mum how wonderful she is that will be worth a 1000 clean bathrooms  kat Sent from my C6903 using proboards |
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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 14, 2014 18:06:26 GMT
So another challenging day. Spent all morning doing admin for my dad. Then spent the afternoon packing up my cottage as I have moved back in with mum and dad. I feel really sad and disappointed in myself that things didn't work out there and I am now like a child again. Also that my child is living with his dad 140 miles away. When I feel this depressed I am so hypersensitive to everything. G texted me earlier to say how much he loves and misses me. It feels almost like a physical pain to think about loving him and Felix. I worry that I will ever feel emotionally normal again and not so damaged and retarded. :-(
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Post by monica on May 14, 2014 22:19:01 GMT
I can see how ur situation must be so painful for you. Try and think of this as a temporary blip. You have a wonderful family who love you and need you and are going to help you get better. Have faith sweetie. I remember thinking my life was never going to change when really ill with pni but it didx
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Post by Weeble on May 16, 2014 9:41:26 GMT
You have great insight that depression makes us hypersensitive. try reframing your.concerns. 140 miles from dad but with grandparents everyday what a lovely environment to nuture the little one.
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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Post by RaspberryBeret on May 18, 2014 8:53:41 GMT
Why is it with this illness that mornings are so hard? I wake up feeling rotten and like I can't face the day ahead. It is like a heavy weight is pushing you down. I would just like to wake up and want to savour the day ahead.
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Post by monica on May 18, 2014 17:07:16 GMT
It is tough. Many women say that mornings are the hardest and as you go through the day things improve . Would you be able to do 5-10 mins of yoga first thing? It's great for anxiety and might take the edge of feeling pants first thing. Maybe worth a go? How's the weekend been ?x
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Post by kmum on May 18, 2014 22:17:27 GMT
Just wanted to say that some mornings my anxiousness is bad enough again I have a need to crawl back into bed! My body clenches and shakes. Like a vibration. I feel jittery and out if control. Can't think straight and worry that it won't go away!
Last Friday it was worst than it has been for a while. All of the above and panic set in when knew hubby was on nights from Friday til monda this weekend. Mum had things planned and after a very busy week she was tired. So because everyone is busy I simply had no support! How could I ask!!!! So I struggled on. Got upset quite few times but mostly by the afternoon it had settled and I started feeling better.
Terrible terrible feeling , the anxiety! Not sure if anyone truly understands how it feels unless they have experienced it themselves. Even some of my best friends will say to me "oh yea I know when I was stressed this time or that time, I couldn't sleep either"! Aaarrrrggghhh
K
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kat
