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Post by monica on Sept 7, 2016 6:05:09 GMT
So sorry Brach - I've really wanted to reply to your post for literally days and can't find the time or forget.
I get you 100%! When the children are little you just crave for the time when they're older and you feel more rested..then when they're older you yearn for the time when they were little!
It really sounds like you know yourself so well and what to do/ not what to do to keep yourself happy . So glad you had the power nap the other day - clearly it had a positive impact . How r u feeling physically? How's work ? X
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Post by monica on Sept 7, 2016 6:10:01 GMT
Sorry - when replying I can't see your posts so forget what I need to ask and what you've written ! Have you had your monster 5 day hc appts week? Can you pick the most important/ most beneficial three appts and go to those. As much as you don't like them maybe it'll be useful to talk about how you're doing atm especially if you're struggling .
Really pleased you're enjoying work - I'm sure it gives you a boost especially dealing with the more challenging clients. Let us know how you are doing x
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Post by monica on Oct 3, 2016 15:30:09 GMT
How's life with you Brach? X
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Post by brach24 on Oct 9, 2016 8:42:48 GMT
Hey, just checking in. It's always good to read back at last post - pretty much still in the same place. Surviving and managing but so exhausted and not managing to "thrive". Not sure if it's physical exhaustion from... well looking after 3 kids... or my physical health fatigue but I am crashing after I get the kids to bed every night. Not great for our marriage or my headspace as no reflection time at all. There's a few stressful things happening at the moment and I'm feeling anxious. Not sleeping, panicking etc. Not stuttering though which is good. The things that are stressing me are * endoscopy next week. Have just realised I need to stop my meds. Have halved them and already in lots of pain. Also will need sedation as it will be "longer than normal". Not sure where that leaves me for parents night that evening?!! Or work the next day! * my trip to Ireland - visiting family and friends - my social anxiety is through the roof. Desperate to see my long term friends but staying with aunt and uncle. Have planned to se my friends a wee bit each day and now my uncle wants to see us for a whole day. Worried about offending everybody... and how I'll cope with the 3 girls on my own - visiting people especially and long car journeys... for a week! Eek! * it's lovely as my sister in law has decided to come with my brother and the kids this visit. She hasn't spoken to me in 3 years. I have no idea why. She falls out with people a lot. She doesn't speak to my mum and is staying with her for the 3 days. Is it reconciliation or will it be a really awkward few days? Will she do the shouty thing she's done before? I hate confrontation of this type. Also worried for my mums stress levels - she's so desperate for reconciliation! But has had a mini stroke before and her bp needs to stay low. * work - my senior team are all over the place with personal issues and in fighting. It's making it stressful as I take too much of that onboard.
Thankfully the kids are well (apart from colds) and happy on the whole. So glad to have coping strategies too. I'm grateful for all the therapy over the last years!!
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Post by brach24 on Oct 13, 2016 18:27:07 GMT
Endoscopy went well yesterday - that's a retrospective view. They couldn't sedate me as they couldn't get a good oxygen monitoring going. My fingers were blue and my toes white - even my ears weren't giving them a reading. I had to do it with just a throat spray. It ended up being tonnes better than my last endoscopy experience and because I'd just had the spray I could walk straight out after - no recovery or complications glad to have overcome my fear of it too as there will no doubt be more endoscopies to come! Worrying is such a waste of energy but so hard to turn it off
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Post by monica on Oct 15, 2016 11:01:06 GMT
Well done on getting through yesterday! I had one with spray only - not pleasant but as you said just being able to walk straight out of hospital has its bonuses.
Sounds like you're getting through your to do list and what a list it is! Hopefully the Ireland trip with kids will give you a break so to speak and I'm sure the change of scenery will be great for you.
Are you still feel v tired. Is your health condition manageable ? Looking after 3 kids plus work is a lot for anyone - you really are superwoman. Try to factor in a bit of time for yourself x
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Post by quantumrose on Oct 24, 2016 19:22:55 GMT
Hey Brach,
How are you? Sounds like you have much going on, you really are amazing you know. I read all the things you do and I'm in awe. I know these things aren't easy to do- work, kiddies, social stuff, medical stuff...you are winning at it all.
Have you been to Ireland yet? How did it go? Family stuff can be such a minefield!
Are you sleeping better with a few things out of the way? Sleep is eluding me too-mostly due to baby teething. All I want to when the kids are asleep is colapse on the sofa and pin my eyes open for a few episodes of some mindless TV! Such is life at the mo. I think as mums (and women come to think of it) we feel we have a responsibility to give a little of ourselves to everyone. Husband, children, friends, workmates.....but theres nothing left for us. You deserve some you time.
Big hugs xxxxxx
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Post by monica on Oct 28, 2016 10:04:28 GMT
Also wondering how your trip to the Emerald Isle went? Hope it was good and stress minimised!
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Post by brach24 on Nov 1, 2016 23:59:53 GMT
Thanks so much for your care. I'm not able to be here as often but I really value this safe haven and the care you guys give. Ireland was... hmm still processing it!!... it was really lovely to see my friends and my home town. I met them individually as I find it hard to chat on any depth if there's lots of folk. Every day I met one of them (and their kids). Some were easier than others. I've known them forever so it quickly felt normal being with them. So lovely to see their kids and be reminded of the fun we had as kids together. So much sad things happened in my teenage years that I hardly think about my early life. It's like it was someone else's story or a familiar film. It was healthy to be reminded of the fun side. I forgot how much I laughed with them. It was really exhausting visiting every day though. My cousin took very ill and was rushed to hospital during the night one night so my aunt and other cousin were all exhausted and I really felt we were in the way - especially trying to keep the kids quiet so they could sleep. We created loads of extra work for them but they kept saying they were loving having the kids around. Hoping we were a good distraction. My other cousin told me lots of problems going on in the family and I'm still not sure if she wanted me to confront them or just needed to chat. The whole thing was exhausting - emotionally, physically, mentally. Glad to have been able to do it though. The travel went much better than I thought it would. Well my bro and sister in law have since been. She talked normally to me but was horrible to my mum. My mum didn't confront her. She's not going to let her stay again though unless she changes. My mum and I are a bit tense just now as she was upset that I was nice to sil. Maybe I should have confronted her. I hated what she was doing to my mum but was relieved she was speaking to me. Although I know it's never going to be an amazing relationship after hurt. It's been a long time since I've seen my mum angry. She's extremely sensitive to people not being ok with her and I think the hurt built up until she was about to explode. I talked her down from exploding but now think I should have let her get it all out. It's hard not to really care what she thinks of me. She has retracted some of the things she said in the heat but I can't shake them off. Had hospital appt today and have avoided admission - trying some new meds instead. MRI showed inflammation of gut so more test needed. I don't think I'm superwoman. I'm stumbling through the days mainly. I fail all the time. Hoping for an easier day tomorrow x
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Post by monica on Nov 8, 2016 2:19:42 GMT
How r u Brach? Sounds like your visit was a success. Family trips are usual full of stress even if it's nice catching up.
For what it's worth you probably did the right thing my not interfering in any feud between sil and your mum. Whilst sil was probably the one in the wrong (I'm guessing) the fall out is between them and any confrontation would have been lots more stress for you - not what you need atm. In the future that's something you can deal with. What started off all this animosity ?
How are the new meds going? Really hope they make a difference to how you're feeling x
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Post by brach24 on Nov 9, 2016 21:49:10 GMT
Nobody knows why sil fell out with mum. My bro says mum did nothing wrong - it's sil issue. Personally I think she's experienced some trauma when young as she has stopped speaking to people (their friends) in this way before. We don't see her much so the whole thing is quite ignorable. The fallout between my mum and I remains. She does my childcare etc still but more begrudgingly which I find awkward. I wish she'd say no when I ask if she can help rather than say yes and make me feel guilty. I'm still hurt from her being angry. She initially said seeing me being nice to sil was like a knife in her. She then retracted and said she was happy that I got on with her (I think that's how she wants to feel) but my aunt has just told me that my mum was disappointed and had expected me to challenge her. She'll never say that though so I can't respond to it. I do feel guilt that I didn't stick up for her. It brings up all the unhealthyness of our relationship that I addressed in counselling... me being the protector, emotional parent etc. It took hard work to get to where I didn't feel responsible for her happiness. I kept her at arms length for years because it was so exhausting. I'd been so glad to have freed myself and have her back in my life but since all this I feel my old ways rising - I'm stressed about what she thinks and if she's ok and then I feel angry at her for me feeling like that. It's not her fault. Just sad to see the dysfunctionality of it. I doubled one med and ended up with migraine will need to try again as may not be linked to drug increase - there's never a good time to plan a migraine though!! Had to drive home with migraine last night and with the pain and the mum stuff I did see a wall and think it would be good to drive into it. I'm not suicidal but I find it scary how these thoughts come so easily and how tempting they sre. So thankful to be well enough to clear them away.
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Post by monica on Nov 11, 2016 19:19:34 GMT
Hugs Brach - the issues with your mum have had an impact on you but I'm sure you'll pick up. The reality is your mum is responsible for her actions and well being - sometimes you just have to walk away for your own sanity. My sister seems to have a lot is crisis in her life most of which is actually not her fault , eg marriage probs, serious issues with her daughter. It used to make me worry so much but I have no control over any of it and I mostly now detach myself from it all - I guess if ur low the old thoughts seem to rear their ugly headsx
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Post by quantumrose on Nov 30, 2016 20:48:48 GMT
Hi Brach, how's things? Big love x
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Post by brach24 on Dec 8, 2016 21:53:33 GMT
Hey, I'm noticing a pattern - I have a good wee run there of being too tired to reflect and quite enjoying being in the moment. Then I start to feel overwhelmed by unprocessed thoughts and then if I don't take time to talk to someone or journal or something It all catches up and I feel low and anxious again. A friend asked how I've been for the last 2 weeks and I honestly couldn't tell her. I've not checked in with myself at all. There hadn't been any horrible lows but just keeping on going with all the necessities. It's not terrible - id take it over the awful mind screw of pnd!! - but it's not healthy longer term. I found myself looking at local pnd groups online and wishing I was free to go. My physical health has been bad and I have struggled to engage with the gp service as I should. I just don't have the mental energy and have doubts that they can do anything anyway.
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Post by monica on Dec 11, 2016 13:40:30 GMT
Hi Brach
How r u doing? It's really finding time to reflect even if that's so important in stabilising your mood. Iris however positive that you know what the triggers are and exactly what you need to do to help yourself. I was clueless for the first 5 months of PNI . I really hope as the children get older it'll be easier to find that 'me' time that is so important .
Do you think your health is partly linked to tiredness?
What r your Christmas plans? For the first time I feel quite smug as present shopping is nearly done! Trying to get in a bit of decorating ....
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