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Post by monica on Aug 3, 2014 8:52:44 GMT
Hi glad evening with bf went well. Always nice to be home . Sounds like u had great week away. Nightly worries are normal if not worrying. Sure bf just wanted bit of space with mates that's all. Hope the day goes wellx
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 4, 2014 8:02:15 GMT
Yesterday morning was tough. My OCD was too much to handle. I felt my heart beating fast and hard and my pulse was going too fast when I was doing it I started crying and looked over at the knifes on the kitchen side. I knew I never would harm myself after all all day I pray I'm going to live to an old age and this is all Postnatal illness and I'll spend many many years with Josh. Shaun took Josh to football with him. When he got back I wasn't dressed and it looked like I had done nothing. Shaun said "have you just laid on the settee eating buscuits?" I just said yes. I hadn't but how could I say no I've spent the last two hours putting things straight and folding the same towel over and over again. I knew that he was referring back to my binge eating and bulimea days when Shaun would go to football and I'd eat owt I could find then make myself sick before he got home and he would wonder where all the food had gone. This upset me because I remembered how I had not looked after myself or my baby while pregnant. I was either over feeding or not eating. Also thinking about making myself sick while Josh was in his Moses basket in the next room and guilty that he knew and could hear what I was doing. The afternoon was better we went out for tea. Josh wouldn't fall asleep last night even though he was shattered. We took him for a half hour drive and he still wasn't asleep. We put him in his cot and left him to cry. I still don't like the sound of him crying it really hurts me. I turned the monitor down. Eventually he did fall asleep and when I went to have a look he was laid cuddling pooh bear asleep.
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Post by Weeble on Aug 4, 2014 20:02:39 GMT
I find my kids crying really difficult to. My oh thinks I am a real sucker for not wanting to let them cry
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 4, 2014 21:24:22 GMT
Physical symptoms seem to have returned more today. Felt so tired and drained and dizzy heavy headed. Feel a lot more stressed too. My mum is off work this week so we went out for dinner today. Ate out far too much recently need to start eating healthier. Also not been to the gym for a while and feeling fat. Took Josh for a walk this afternoon. Got the biggest ironing pile taking over my bed in the spare bedroom. No idea when I will get round to tackling that, probably the same time I get round to cleaning my kitchen cupboards the job I've been doing since I started my maternity leave.
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Post by monica on Aug 5, 2014 18:43:21 GMT
How r u doing? It's pants when the physical symptoms return but they will pass too! Tiredness was a huge factor in triggering themx
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Post by Weeble on Aug 5, 2014 20:36:17 GMT
Oh I started that with my mat leave too t is five in two weeks time :-)
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Post by charlotte1990 on Aug 7, 2014 2:44:12 GMT
Hello Monica. I'm not too bad thanks. Been really anxious last few days though and I can't relax. My mind feels like it's always in overdrive.
Haha weeble least I am not the only one then.
Hope you are both well xx
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Post by monica on Aug 7, 2014 13:22:04 GMT
Hi
Hope today is a better one ! Have u tried relaxation techniques like taking slow deep breaths or tensing muscles then relaxing. If ur able go for power walk or run - that can help burn off nervous energyx
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Post by juppster on Aug 23, 2014 8:01:27 GMT
Hey Charlotte, just wondering how you're doing? X
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Post by charlotte1990 on Sept 1, 2014 18:49:13 GMT
Hello everyone. Sorry I've not replied for a while. I have been waiting on my test results coming back from the hospital and I have just been worrying over it so much and had really bad OCD I just felt like I couldn't talk about it.
My results have come through the post today and the MRI scan, the 24 hour ECG and my full blood tests have all come back normal. I'm so over the moon with happiness and relief. Now I know it is postnatal illness.
I am looking forward to getting back to the old me again even though I know it may take a while xx
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Post by Weeble on Sept 1, 2014 20:14:45 GMT
Well done you keep talking to us k
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