Hello all...

[fannyann]

Hi everyone
This is my first time posting on here. I'm unsure whether I have PNI or not.
I had my little boy nearly 8 weeks ago. The labour was very long and the birth a little traumatic, causing me to have some fairly mild physical issues since. I am absolutely in love with my little boy and have had no problems with bonding with him, I enjoy looking after him. Despite this I still feel low and sad, somedays I'm very tearful and feel that when even the smallest of things go wrong like it is a major disaster. I also hate the way my body has changed, I know it has only been 8 weeks! I feel awful and ashamed of my body, I feel self conscious when I go out and embarrassed of the way I look. I feel I have nothing to offer my partner anymore and expect him to tell me he no longer wants to be with me, leaving me feeling so insecure.
Not long before falling pregnant we moved away and now live at least 200 miles from friends and family, although I worked up until 2 weeks before due date, it wasn't really long enough to establish real out of work friendships. I spend most of my days alone.
I haven't spoken to my partner about the true extent of my feelings. We have so far put everything down to good old hormones, which he seems to struggle to get to grips with. I'm worried about telling him any more due to his reaction already. I also don't want to burden him and he has a 'get on with it' attitude. As a result I am plodding along, trying to look after the baby, run the house, take care of all of the finances, trying to lose weight and get out for walks and attend various groups. I feel resentful of my partner going to work and not having to do much else, and worried that he will meet someone else there. As they must surely be more fun than me! I just feel very much alone.

I'm hoping to find some comfort in this forum. Hope you understand my babbling!!

[monica]

Hello and welcome

Congrats on your baby. I'm sorry this is being marred by the way you are feeling. It's really positive you have identified you are not feeling as you should - the symptoms you describe are very common with pni. It sounds like you have had quite a tough time - long and difficult birth , moving , feeling isolated and lonely - that's alot to deal with undoubtedly coupled with hormones etc.

Would you talk to your dr and or health visitor ? Admitting how you truly feel will be a weight from shoulders and they can offer support whether that be listening visits, medication, counselling etc. my hv also ran a post natal group for new mums to meet.

Your oh probably doesn't know how to react to what you're telling him and that is why he reacts the way he does. If he really can't handle you telling him how things really are perhaps give him practical tasks to do that would help eg looking after baby so u can have an hour to yourself.

Although very early days perhaps if you give yourself time to do things for you - maybe do some exercise if you are up to it. It'll release endorphins which will help you feel better.

Do talk to us the ladies here are fab and do understand x

[fannyann]

Thanks for the reply. I do want to speak to hv and will hopefully pluck up the courage. Although I do feel I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and she will think I'm wasting her time.
When you first mentioned it to someone what happened next? Xx

[monica]

Hi

You're not blowing things out of proportion at all and won't be wasting her time. This is a very common illness and I guarantee she will have heard it before . You don't have to feel the way you do and with support you'll recover quicker.

The first thing the hv did was listen . Then I completed the Edinburgh questionnaire (it was a while ago so don't know if it's in the same format ) about how u feel. I was honest by that point and scored highly.

By the time I saw the dr I was in a dreadful state so it was out of desperation I took meds. Not everyone wants to and there are pros and cons to this but it was the right way forward for me.

My hv gave me weekly listening visits . I could offload to her and she would suggest things to help. She referred me for counselling and to a pnd group which was fantastic as I leaned so much about the illness and how to manage it. My hv also referred me to home start where a volunteer visits you weekly and helps you however you need.

My hv was brilliant . I didn't feel so alone as before it felt like no one understood.

There are many different types of help out there and ultimately it's up to you what you get but with support it really will be easier x

[sarajay28]

Hiya

Welcome to the forum, I'm sure you will find it a great source of information and support.
Congratulations on the birth of your little one :-D I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I agree with everything Monica has said. The first step is knowing that something is not quite right and you've had some pretty huge life changes recently so it's no wonder you are struggling to find a bit of 'normality' (whatever that may be!) like Monica says your hv will have heard it all before and you've nothing to be scared of. She is there to support you.

Keep talking here, it really does help xx

[juppster]

Hello from me too! Here and listening xx