Post by jessibella on Jan 31, 2015 18:25:44 GMT
30/01/15 C9 V15 M7
This morning was somehow a little better. I can't say I felt good and I still felt quite rubbish at times but it was manageable. I got Poppy to swimming and went to a close friend after. She was pleased as she felt I wasn't quite as bad as she thought I had been and I managed to sit and chat with her whilst the children played together.
I find that I have to reassure myself a lot that things will get easier as I can easily start worrying or ruminating. Part of the depression seems to be I can only picture a negative future and find it hard not to worry about it. By letting go of worrying and staying in the here and now things feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
So after a slightly less bad day I suddenly hit a horrible low this evening. It started with me feeling odd watching CBeebies with Poppy and suddenly feeling kind of disconnected and unreal. It was horrible and scared me as made me feel like I was losing it. Thankfully I have looked it up and it appears to be a commonish symptom in depression called derealisation or depersonalisation. It helps knowing its part of the depression and also possibly part of the medication. However it's horrible and also annoying as usually the evening is a better time for me.
Unfortunately it ended up being a low evening. I just felt anxious and down and had the same thoughts about life being meaningless etc that had upset me before. I know this is part of the depression but I find it hard to let go of these thoughts and upset that it was a bad evening.
30/01/15 C10 V16 M8
Today has been very bad. I managed to get Poppy up and out to her grandparents and the. Went back to my parents feeling rubbish, low and really scared and anxious. I went back to bed but it didn't help. I felt just as bad whilst awake. Me and my parents drove to my flat to pack up my stuff. I was still feeling tearful and really scared. I have continued to feel these weird unreality thoughts and feeling too which is adding to my anxiety. Things I have read indicate that this can be part of depression and anxiety but I really struggle with it. It makes me feel I am "losing it". I feel like I will never have my old self back. She was happy, fun, coping and I feel like I am never ever going to feel those things again. Feeling really hopeless today. It's awful.
When we got home I just wanted to speak to a Dr but it's out of hours and Mum said she felt I should wait and speak to my GP on Monday.
I haven't really had any good moments today. I feel the medication can't be working and so so scared I won't get better.
This morning was somehow a little better. I can't say I felt good and I still felt quite rubbish at times but it was manageable. I got Poppy to swimming and went to a close friend after. She was pleased as she felt I wasn't quite as bad as she thought I had been and I managed to sit and chat with her whilst the children played together.
I find that I have to reassure myself a lot that things will get easier as I can easily start worrying or ruminating. Part of the depression seems to be I can only picture a negative future and find it hard not to worry about it. By letting go of worrying and staying in the here and now things feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
So after a slightly less bad day I suddenly hit a horrible low this evening. It started with me feeling odd watching CBeebies with Poppy and suddenly feeling kind of disconnected and unreal. It was horrible and scared me as made me feel like I was losing it. Thankfully I have looked it up and it appears to be a commonish symptom in depression called derealisation or depersonalisation. It helps knowing its part of the depression and also possibly part of the medication. However it's horrible and also annoying as usually the evening is a better time for me.
Unfortunately it ended up being a low evening. I just felt anxious and down and had the same thoughts about life being meaningless etc that had upset me before. I know this is part of the depression but I find it hard to let go of these thoughts and upset that it was a bad evening.
30/01/15 C10 V16 M8
Today has been very bad. I managed to get Poppy up and out to her grandparents and the. Went back to my parents feeling rubbish, low and really scared and anxious. I went back to bed but it didn't help. I felt just as bad whilst awake. Me and my parents drove to my flat to pack up my stuff. I was still feeling tearful and really scared. I have continued to feel these weird unreality thoughts and feeling too which is adding to my anxiety. Things I have read indicate that this can be part of depression and anxiety but I really struggle with it. It makes me feel I am "losing it". I feel like I will never have my old self back. She was happy, fun, coping and I feel like I am never ever going to feel those things again. Feeling really hopeless today. It's awful.
When we got home I just wanted to speak to a Dr but it's out of hours and Mum said she felt I should wait and speak to my GP on Monday.
I haven't really had any good moments today. I feel the medication can't be working and so so scared I won't get better.