Hello Goodmorning

[y]

I'm very new to this and I would like to know what other people have done because I'm desperate need of help .

Ive been having some anxiety attacks about my son getting hurt from watching all these things on tv. And about personal accidents that happened in my family. I can't sleep I can't concentrate the more I try to not think of it I do more and no I'm starting to feel guilt why am I still thinking about this why! Am I trying to hurt him no!! I love him with all my heart ! He's my everything

Please help if someone has felt the same

[sarajay28]

Hello and welcome to the forum. It's a great place to get advice or just have someone to just listen.

Firstly let me say you are not alone hun! These kinds of intrusive thoughts are very common especially if you are suffering from post natal illness. Have you seen your gp or health visitor? Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? What kind of support, if any, do you have?

Secondly just because you have these thoughts doesn't mean you would ever act on them so please don't fear that. It's more likely to be the opposite! I was discussing this just the other night with my husband as we have a 2 week old son and it's scary just how much danger you see in EVERYTHING! from walking up/down the stairs to going outside. It's like an inbuilt instinct to want to protect your most precious thing from any danger.
There's a section on this forum about it so have a read, you will see that you aren't alone.
Please keep talking as it really does help. We are here to listen

SJ xx

[y]

Hello thank you , I'm going threw a very rough time it's driving me crazy my son is actually 2 and I remember when he was younger I would feel worry of something happening to him. But now my cousin recently committed suicide on top of that any thing in the news traumatizes me
I have not gone to see a doctor because I do not have insurance which Is in process . Although I am meeting with a psychologist just now but I don't know if I should tell them my thoughts don't want them to think I'm crazy !

[y]

I do have support of my family members some are more shocked than others for example my boyfriend doesn't know how to react and thinks I can hurt my son basically .
At first I felt a knot in my chest I wanted to throw up all the time lack of eating can't sleep and anxious for everything I feel like it's affecting my baby :/ I need help and I want this to go away !

[sarajay28]

Hi. I take it you aren't in the UK? I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, it must be difficult to deal with. I know alot of women find things in the media difficult to deal with during/after pni. I know I did and I stopped watching the news, buying newspapers etc for a long time until I felt well again.
It's great you are meeting with a psychologist, please do tell them, it won't be anything they haven't heard before and you will probably feel loads better just for unburdening yourself.
Do you have any family support around you? Xx

[sarajay28]

Sorry I missed your 2nd post. That's a shame your boyfriend feels that way but it's probably because he doesn't fully understand. It took a health visitor to explain the whole hormone imbalance to my husband for him to understand.
Have you thought about medication? X

[y]

No I am living in the U.S but I'm happy to find help from someone I don't consider taking medication because I don't want to depend on it . What would you recommend

[sarajay28]

That's totally understandable about not wanting to depend on medication, many women feel the same. However, sometimes it can help to just take the edge of your symptoms whilst you explore other avenues such as talking therapies or cbt. I'd advise once your insurance is sorted out you pay a visit to a Dr to discuss the options (if that's how things work in the US, sorry I'm not familiar with the healthcare system there)
You might find though that just talking here helps you immensely, I know it did for me. Just knowing you aren't alone, that you aren't crazy, that you can come out of this the other side, it all helps.

Keep talking

SJ xx

[y]

Hi I just got back from the psycholgist I spoke to her about everything I even mentioned this PNI illness and she said she had never heard of it and that it's not what I have of what she's heard today . Her therapy today helped me out but there still like something telling me in the back of my head, your baby your baby remember the ugly stuff you were thinking remember ! Then I fall in ..

[sarajay28]

Oh I'm sorry you got this response from her! I think in the US it's called post partum illness?! However, even with a different name the symptoms would still be the same. Did she give you any kind of diagnosis? I'm glad the session helped a little, do you have to go back?
It's common to need more than just one session to unravel all the thoughts in your head and to try and make sense of it all so don't worry that you don't instantly feel better.
I hope she hasn't put you off seeking further help as sometimes you need to try different types of treatment before you find something that suits you.

Keep talking

SJ xx

[y]

Hello I had problems with my boyfriend last night and I think I'm moving back to my mothers . With all this I was so angry I didn't even think about any of this anxiety I was feeling threw out the night . I woke up feeling anxious again thinking why am I thinking of hurting my baby that's not what I want! And I never will ! But it's making me so weak and making me feel this will never go away .

[sarajay28]

Hi I'm sorry you are having problems in your relationship. Any kind of illness puts a huge strain on close relationships but especially mental health problems as it's very hard for the person not suffering to understand.
Maybe going back to your mother's will give you both a much needed break?
Of course you don't want to hurt your baby, it's the illness that's making you have these thoughts, it's not you! with the right help and understanding it will go away, you won't always feel this way, unfortunately it just takes time to find the right treatment that works for you.
You sound like you are very hard on yourself, try to give yourself a break. Motherhood doesn't always come naturally and there's nothing wrong with that but society has painted this picture of motherhood being all love and happiness and sometimes it's just not like that. So try and be less hard on yourself, you are doing a great job, the best you know how.

Keep talking

SJ xx

[y]

Yes thanks so much I am trying so hard because I have a baby that is the world to me. I just got back from a clinic. This guy kept staring at me this other guy was shaking nervously , this other man looks like like a homeless and it's smells like smoke . All I can think of is everyone is crazy here I don't want to be crazy !! I spoke to a counselor
And she asked me a few questions . The question they always ask is do you want to hurt yourself or do you want to her someone else ? It kills me inside because I don't ever want to hurt my son and I never will , but I always say no because I know here in the U.S if I say yes they will start investigating and possibly take him away or put me away . I know that's not the case but it's scares me and this anxiety is taking over and I can not let it take over ! Nothing was resolved today I wasn't able to see a psychiatrist because of the time I went for walkin . Tommorow I will go to another one near my home and try it out once again.

[y]

?

[sarajay28]

Aww you certainly aren't crazy! It's the illness talking. I think they ask that to get a view of exactly how bad things are, not so as they can put you away or take your child from you. I'm sure that is the last thing anyone would want but I do understand your fears.
How did you get on today? Xx