pni with a two year old??

[zed22]

Hi, I have a two year old and am wondering if because he is a toddler does that mean i am suffering with regular mental health issues, is there an 'age limit'?

I had depression on and off through out my teens and adulthood, mainly due to bereavement of my stepfather, very unstable childhood etc, i never took prescribed meds but i drank a lot and took drugs. I became pregnant, not planned but was very happy and had been with partner for 2 years, crappy pregnancy, pre eclampsia hit when i was 7 months and i was rushed in to hospital seriously ill for an emergency c section, my son was a birth weight of 2lb 14oz, he was in scbu for 2 months, i thought he was going to die and also myself at one point, it was the worst time of my life. I never felt i was able to celebrate my baby like others did, i have very little support from family, when i got my son home when he was 2 months old, he was still only 4.5lbs, he got day and night confused and i slept terribly for the first year, having to move in to the front room for several weeks with him. He then had cmpi and acid reflux which was awful... but grew out of it all by the time he was 1 and a bit. since then i have been on citalapram, took myself offf when i thought i was better, went bad as i had made transition too soon, so went back on to sertraline which helped a lot, then i weaned myself off of them about 6 months ago.. been incredibly obsessive regarding illness and death, at one point a few months ago would cry at the thought of dying, i had uneven periods and was sure i had cancer of the cervix etc, i am over that obsession more or less now, but terrible anger issues, feel alone, like a bad mum, think about putting him into care, feel like a hate my partner, no sex drive for him, my head feels 'frazzled' i cant cope with everyday tasks some days, one min im calm next im erratic, i love my son so much but i still feel i dont thoroughly connect him with my baby that was ill in hospital, it feels as though its not him. i feel love and mother insticts for him but only see/feel his dad within him and not me... could i be just generally ill, or could this be pni?? im sick of people telling me to get on with it because its hard having kids... my patience is at a new time low... my doctors surgery is a new one as have just moved house... you can never get an appt, im thinking of paying for private counselling of some sort... but not sure what therapy would be best for me. my partner thinks i shouldnt go back on anti d's, i think he thinks im just crazy naturally.. we are so close to splitting... have the 'discussion' almost every night now... sorry for such an essay!!! just wanted to lay it all out bare. thanks for reading x zoe

[monica]

Hi Zoe and welcome

You have been thru hell and back with ur pregnancy and premature birth of ur son - it's no suprise you got pni. I cannot even begin to imagine what a traumatic and tough time this has been for you.

I'm not medically qualified but the symptoms youvd described sound very much like pni. How long were you on the sertraine for ? I told antids and the blurb recommended 6 months after you feel better - my dr recommended taking them for a year after feeling well. Perhaps you've come off them too early ?

If you've moved that's another stress to add to feeling pants . If u can't get an appt perhaps email the surgery asking for one ?

Whether you choose to go back on meds or not counselling can be very pisitive in discovering causes of these feelings, off loading and getting copung strategies. It can be tough but worth it. Again discuss with ur Dr ...hoping you get an appt soon.

I've just read a book by an Aussie lady whose don was born prematurely and was in s neonatal unit for s no of months and her subsequent pni. I can recommend this to you if you feel it would help - you might not feel do alone in ur experiences.

Please keep talking - you're not alone , some say u can get pni up to 5 yrs of having ur baby . But please dong loss hope - I have no doubt ur an amazing mum and u will recover from this horrible illness x

[zed22]

Thank you so much for your reply, When i read it yesterday morning i honestly felt a sense of being able to breathe again... i felt so much more relaxed yesterday knowing that it is possible that i still have pni and someone understands me.. i spoke with my partner regarding it and he seems more understanding, we have decided my first port of call is going to be counselling, researching thoroughly before hand to find which therapy will be best for me and to work at cutting out crap from my diet and getting regular exercise to help release tension etc... if the above doesnt start to help i will seek anit d's from my doc. I only stayed on sertraline for 6 months so not long enough at all really! Im up and down like a roller coaster at the mo with my feelings, as you say moving has been stressful and also at christmas my partner was unfaithful and our relationship has been in crisis since so it all adds up and works towards me feeling a rubbish mother/person and pretty worthless as a human at times to be honest. I would love the title of that book so i can read it please! i feel i havent reflected enough on my son being born and i have never been back to scbu to see nurses etc... i have always felt ashamed i think, about the outcome of having him. It was the nurses who first suggested that i may have pni in the first place actually. I used to call them my angels so its an odd thing that i havent found myself able to go back there in nearly two years. perhaps that could help me on my way to recovery... it really did mean a lot to me to receive your message... thank you so much xx

[monica]

Well done on getting a plan of action together - it really is positive and will give your recovery a boost. It's particularly great that you've got your husband involved and I'm sure that will really help you fix your relationship.

You really have been through so much - first with the premature birth of your baby, your partner straying and moving house too! Not sure there's many women who would come out of that unscathed.

A few years ago I found out that my partner strayed or at least tried to - even though our relationship had never been good it completely floored me, so I can understand how that has affected you. I just couldn't get my head round it. I do believe though that as painful as it is, infidelity usually hides lots of things that aren't right in the relationship and with honesty, openness and work you can put the betrayal behind you and build a far better and stronger relationship.

You mentioned the shame of having your son early - the lady who wrote the book about her experience also said she felt that and as a failure she couldn't carry her son full term. The book is called 'A Giraffe called Neo' by Allison Schleef. I think it's just been published in UK, so not sure what the availability is like atm. It's about her son's birth and her subsequent PNI - she also wrote another book about her son's journey from birth.

So glad I helped you - it's always lovely to get such feedback. Do keep talking. We really do understandx