Is this strange?

[Newmum33]

Hello,



I'm not very good at talking about my feelings so I guess this should be easier as I don't have to look anyone in the face.

Tonight I had the worse thoughts I've had since my daughter was born. She's 11 and a half weeks now and I love her to pieces. But when I couldn't console her after she woke up not long after she went down all I could think about was "what would happen if I just decided to put a pillow over her head?"!!!

Of course I could never do that but these feeling just seem to be getting stronger. Not just harming her but myself. I've never self harmed before but I think about throwing myself down the stairs or cutting my wrists because no one would miss me. I probably drink too much recently and deffinitly not getting enough sleep.

Please tell me I'm not going crazy and that my tears will go eventually?



Sorry If this is a major rant, I just needed to get this off my chest.

[blipblop]

Hello newmum. Sorry to hear your going through this. Your not crazy and your tears will definitely dry. I suffered from intrusive thoughts about my daughter. It was the worst and hardest time of my life. I just used to think I would kill myself before I became of any harm to my child. I went to the doctors as I couldn't stop thinking about it. I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry. My anxiety went through the roof. I was put on fluoxetine. It got worse before it got better. I thought I would be stuck like that forever. I never saw it ending. I'm now so much better and it makes me very happy I'm now able to write to you and offer you support and tell you it will finally go away. This forum is amazing. It really helped me. The ladies will offer you amazing advice and support. Please continue to use this place to vent and voice your concerns. Xxx

[monica]

Hi

Welcome to the site . Firstly and most importantly , just as blipblop has said, you're suffeting from intrusive thoughts which are a common symptom of pni. For obvious reasons too this is very distressing for you.

It is no reflection on you as a mum - often very caring and loving mums struggle with this. It's like the protective instinct going into overdrive where you even see harm to your child from yourself .

You will recover from this! You can learn strategies to overcome the thought patterns and break the cycle. Such techniques can include saying stop aloud when this thought pops into ur head to distract you or flicking an elastic band.
Would you consider talking to your Dr about this. Antids are an option as well as talking therapies .

Please talk to us - you'll get lots of support herex