My first bad thought

[sjr85]

My baby's not a great sleeper...and just woke up yet again, I have to try hold his dummy in to go back to sleep but he thrashes his head back and forth sometimes so it's impossible to keep it in his mouth. So I lost it and felt this horrible angry feeling which caused me to put my hand across his face but I took it off straightaway in horror that I actually felt I wanted to harm him so took a step back to calm down then immediately picked him up to cuddle him.
I've not felt anything negative towards my baby until now, just one day can be really low and others fairly ok. Is it normal for PND to get worse over time? I've only really come to realise I have it over the last two weeks, my baby is 4 months old, but I never felt like this in the beginning weeks.
I've got a counselling appointment on Wednesday so really hope it helps.

[monica]

Hello and welcome

It's completely normal for pni to ebb and flow. In fact for most ladies it's rarely constant . How do you feel things are worsening?

Having a baby is really hard work. No matter how much you love them at times it can be monotonous, very frustrating (like the example with the dummy) , exhausting. I don't know what you did before baby but often women have worked and suddenly find themselves at home with baby 24/7 with no real adult conversation or stimulus. This doesn't make you a bad mum at all - just human!

I'm so pleased you've got counselling. This should firstly help you offload and learn strategies to manage these feelings. Do let us know how you get onx