I have no idea what I'm doing

[samt]

So I've been having CBT for a few weeks now.
I got diagnosed with PND just before Christmas and my little one was 8 months.
I guess I was really at breaking point I was have terrible thoughts that I wanted to have a car accident so I could have a break from my baby. I luckily haven't had those dark thoughts since the CBT but I'm still really struggling.
I have opened up to my mum and husband but whenever I try talking about my feelings on a bad day I feel like they don't want to hear it and I feel lonely and isolated so thought I would try and reach out to people who have been through this.
Today started terrible my little one woke at 5.30 really sad ...I think he is teething but instead of being a caring mother I just got angry that he had me up. When I was changing his nappy he wouldn't stop crying and in my head I'm screaming 'shut the f**k up' then I end in a spiral of confusing thoughts like why can't I just be nice to him he has no idea what's going on and I'm a terrible human being

[samt]

I've since spent most of the day crying and just want to motivate myself to do something other than mope but I just can't do it

[monica]

Hi

How are you today?

Things sound tough for you . This illness can be horrible . But I really want to highlight to you that you're making progress and that's brilliant . Recovery from pni can be frustratingly slow. Often once you start picking up and you get a glimpse and a desire for recovery it can be hard to see that things are actually getting better. Try to focus on the things thst are better in your life. The rest will follow..

Well done on opening up to your nearest and dearest - it's such a hard thing to do but really important.

Do talk to cb therapist - tell her how ur feeling . The frustration you feel can be worked on. Also are you doing anything for yourself ? Something that isn't baby related but about you? Think of something that gives you pleasure - a swim, massage , coffee in coffee shop and try and factor that into your weekly routine.

Perhaps start a diary ? You can do that on here if u like in the diary section and map how u feel. Try to focus on good things too . Keep talking x