Two years with PNI

[tobedecided]

Hello everyone.

I'm new here. Two years ago I had my daughter. I had been depressed in pregnancy but my midwife and Dr just kept saying that it was hormones. I then had a traumatic birth and was very unwell afterwards. Soon after this, my daughters father left us.
Since then I have been diagnosed with PTSD / PND. Tried medication and lots of different counselling but nothing works. I am now obsessed with mine and my daughters health which has completely taken over my life. It's ruined my relationship with my family, my friends and I'm now useless at my job that I loved.
My daughter has just started Nursery so is picking up all the bugs which I find so stressful as to me a cold isn't just a cold, I imagine it turning into all sorts.
We're currently living with my mum as I'm incapable of living on my own with my daughter.
If anyone can advise me of any possible treatments / things that help, i'd be v grateful.
Thank you

Cathryn

[monica]

Hi Cathryn and welcome

I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. This illness is so cruel. As someone who suffered from debilitating obsessional thoughts with illnesses and dying I can completely relate to how you must feel. These thoughts completely took over my life to the point I couldn't eat nor sleep nor function.

I'm not medically qualified in any way but would make a few suggestions.

Re meds it can take a few tries to find one that works. Which ones have you tried? What side effects have you had?

Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? It's very effective in combatting negative thought patterns which very quickly become part of your everyday thought processes. You can buy books or find techniques in the Internet. I can give you examples of ones I was thought which helped me.

Which other talking therapies have you tried? Why didn't they work? I don't mean to make this sound as a critism at all - often if you don't bond well with the therapist that can make a difference.

Another element instrumental in my recovery was exercise . The release of endorphins made a huge huge impression as well as acting life a confidence booster.

Please keep talking and don't give up hopex

[tobedecided]

Hi Monica,

Thanks for the reply. With medication, I've tried Sertraline & Citalopram. I was taken off of both due to severe stomach acid and nausea. I found they made me even more anxious anyway.

I've tried CBT, EMDR, Emotional Therapy, The Linden Method and Psychodynamic Therapy. With CBT, I find it hard as just cannot have an alternate thought and having to rate my anxiety is no good to me as I'm anxious all the time.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience. That's where I am xx

[monica]

Hi

I did a pnd course and one technique that worked for me invilved writing each thought down. So eg mine would be my child has a temperature and runny nose - he's going to die. In one column write reasons why this might happen - so I'd write he's ill and crying, it could lead to something serious . On the other side I'd write reasons for the bad thought not occurring - it's winter, everyone has a cold, calpols working, dr isn't concerned etc. Inevitably the lady list would be a lot longer . For me writing it down in black and white helped me believe the irrationality of my thought . Then as I progressed I'd make these lists up in my head. Maybe give it a go?

Distraction techniques also helped me. Wearing an elastic band and flicking it everytime a thought popped into my head or clapping and saying 'stop' aloud.

What does your dr say? X

[tobedecided]

Hi Monica,

Where did you do the PND course?
My Dr is understanding but is at a loss now of where to send me etc.

I've tried the writing down thing but I haven't tried the elastic band thing!

I find the level of the panic now is so bad that distraction just doesn't work. I'm about to give my notice with work as I just can't handle it anymore.

C x

[monica]

My pnd course was run by a community psychiatric nurse who specialised in pnd. It was amazing. Ironically she didn't have any kids of her own but so much insight. It wasn't really about talking about each other's issues although we did that too. It was very structured , so each week there'd be a different theme - the whys? What to do to manage symptoms, medication, how to help yourself. But every week shed spend the last 20-30 on relaxation techniques as often with PNI you don't relax at all and almost have to learn to do it.

I live in Surrey - she didn't cover my area for one to one care but I was eligible for this course. This was over 10 yrs ago and I don't think there is one now. Although I know there is another parts of Surrey with groups.

Have to tried any exercise? Could u try that?

Re work could you get a occupational referral. Maybe they could adapt work to help you? Also if dr is stick for ideas maybe referral to psychologist ? They are specialised after allx

[tobedecided]

That sounds helpful indeed.

I've been waiting to see a psychiatrist through my GP, but as yet I've had no answer.
I'm self employed but have regular contracts so it's tricky. Fought my whole life for my work and now have no interest in it or anything, to be honest. Just feel totally stuck and always hyper vigilant xx

[monica]

Tbh they're symptoms of depression.

Do you or did you pre PNI have any interests, hobbies or things you enjoyed? X

[tobedecided]

Yes, lots. Lucky enough to work in the industry that's my hobby. Prior to all this I lived a very full life. Xx

[monica]

I was going to suggest take up somethings you once enjoyed - having something else to focus on can act as a distraction and also bring enjoyment into your life. A couple of the ladies here go to art classes and it hugely rewarding x

[quantumrose]

Hi tbd,
I hope you don't mind me posting here, I read you're first post and felt such a resonance with what you say. I too have PTSD and PND. I also worry about my and my families health obsessively too, it's totally exhausting!
I can really relate to what you say about being stuck. It really feels like that with trauma I think, like the world is moving forward and you're just stuck in tar. I often feel like I need to unblock a memory or feeling to move forward. Does that make sense?

How's your support network? Have you found any women who have had similar experiences? It helps to not feel alone with this xx

Two years is a long time I know. It feels like longer when all this is going on but be gentle and kind with yourself. Think of this as a journey and you're moving through recovery at a rate that suits you. I know it's hard not to rush it but try and settle into it, if anything it will shorten your recovery period.

All the best, how are you feeling at the moment? x