Scared of Everything and Lonely

[laus]

Hi there, I'm not sure if this site is still going as the posts all look to be old but I'm feeling quite desperate so I'm going to give it a shot.
I have a gorgeous 10 month old daughter who I have a fantastic bond with and I love more than I could ever have imagined. Over the past months though I have started to feel out of sorts and extremely anxious. I have read a lot about postnatal depression and anxiety and my symptoms don't seem to fully fit so I'm worried that I might just be going insane! I have been feeling scared and anxious all the time but it seems to be manifesting in intrusive thoughts of ghosts and scary thoughts of people watching me or creeping up on me and my baby. My daughter has been saying her first words recently which is fantastic but I get scared and feel like she's trying to tell me something scary. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and am terrified of being in the house on my own, especially at night. I'm completely confused as I've never been like this before. I also am constantly worried about my baby falling or hurting herself. I worry when anyone else picks her up that they might drop her or there might be a terrible accident. I hate being away from her and feel anxious if I have to leave her. I've have never been away from her for more than an hour or so. I feel positive and happy about the future but I'm just scared all the time and frightened of being alone. What's wrong with me? It's all completely irrational and crazy but I can't make it go away. Please help.

[monica]

Hello and welcome !

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Although I'm not a health care practitioner the symptoms you're displaying like anxiety and intrusive thoughts that are over and above normal, are symptoms of PNI. Sometimes there is a trigger ...other times this is not so obvious. Did anything happen that could have set this off? After having a baby you are vulnerable and news articles can often set off this process .

It's really positive you've noticed this. And you can turn things around . I would recommend visiting your dr. Talking therapies can help unravel these thoughts and learn coping strategies. You really are not alone and I guarantee they will have heard it all before.

Do keep talking as we do understand x

[Kirsty]

The symptoms that you are experiencing at typical pni however I am not a medical professional. Pni has so so many symptoms but it's not 1 fits all! You can experience all of them some of them or 1 or 2 of them some more severe than others and also some you can experience and then they go but you could get something else so don't panic that you do not have all the symptoms. I agree with Monica that you should go to see your gp and they can diagnose and advise you on what will be the best treatment for you. You are not alone in this. Keep talking xx

[laus]

Many thanks for your helpful replies. I had some CBT when I was pregnant due to having panic attacks but that was to do with work stress and nothing like this. I also had a fairly long labour with a litre blood loss and retained placenta (which was pulled out by a doctor and not taken out in theatre). I got an infection from the fragments of placenta that were left behind and had to have antibiotics. Because of these things, my milk didn't come in until day 5 so my daughter lost a lot of weight but, thankfully, after a long battle, we are still breastfeeding now at nearly 10 months. For a month before and a couple of months after labour, I had a horrendous PUPPS rash which covered most of my body and was extremely itchy. It was a total nightmare but has cleared up completely now. I also slipped on the stairs a few months ago whilst carrying my baby which terrified me. Neither of us came to any harm whatsoever, I was just very shaken. I guess any one of these things could be a trigger for the way I'm feeling but I just don't understand why I'm feeling so afraid of ghosts and horror when I don't even believe in anything like that. It's all just totally irrational but no matter how much I try to rationalize, I can't seem to stop being frightened. I'm alone in the house quite a lot because my daughter won't nap in her pushchair so I guess I'm just spending too much time alone and my mind is playing tricks on me? I really need it to stop now, my daughter is getting older and I don't want her picking up on any of this and being scared herself. I will contact Talking Change as I had my CBT with them before and it was successful. Does CBT help with this kind of thing? I really don't want to have to take any kind on medication. Thank you again.

[monica]

Lots of potential triggers there! It really is positive you've recognised that rationalisation isn't working. Cbt is very good for this. Did it work well last time?

My obsessive and irrational thoughts revolved around illnesses and dying. It was a while before I seemed help out of desperation - I could t even see how irrational my thoughts were so you're definately one step ahead and hopefully this can be nipped in the bud x

[laus]

Thank you. Yes, CBT worked before so fingers crossed for this time too. I called for a self referral this morning but they can't even assess me until May 4th so I guess I'll have to wait a while. Thanks again for your support. x

[monica]

Hi

Maybe try and implement some of the cbt techniques you used before. Distraction techniques can be good too - when a thought pops into your head clap or say 'stop' aloud.

I go on about this but exercise can be very good in releasing endorphins the feel good chemicals . You will get through thisx

[laus]

Thank you, I will try that. I'm not sure how to apply the previous CBT to the problems I'm having now but I'll have a go. I'm in the house alone at the moment and am starting to get really frightened. It just seems like a constant battle to push the thoughts out and be happy in front of my daughter and I'm really struggling. I'm so scared, I just want to run away but I know I have to let my girl get her sleep and then give her her lunch before we can go out and I can stop feeling like this. I don't know how I'm going to cope until May...Thanks again. x

[frogface]

It's almost impossible to push out intrusive thoughts - one possibility is timing yourself for say 2-5 minutes and purposely thinking of the most awful thoughts you can. It's your brain being protective of you and the baby, so know that they are just thoughts. Let them come to you in a controlled setting - maybe it would help if you do it when someone else is there - and acknowledge them and the say, right, you've come, I've heard you, there's nothing you can do to hurt me. It sounds nuts but I found it helpful and much more manageable than trying to push them away when they just won't go. Remember they are just thoughts, they are not real and you are a good mum. Try and be kind to yourself.

[laus]

Wow, thank you very much. I've done this today a few times and it's really helped. Trying to push the thoughts away all the time felt like a losing battle but this has really been positive. It was scary at first but I feel loads better. I don't know how to thank you! Thank you so, so much. x

[frogface]

Great so glad it was helpful, well done!