Hi all, Baby blues or pni?

[clarabeth]

Hi,
I’m a first time mum with a gorgeous 6 week old baby boy who was very much planned and wanted (it took us quite a while), since the birth I’ve just been feeling like I’m not getting any of this right, I’m irritable and short tempered, and have started to bicker with my oh which make me miserable.
For a bit of background, the end of my pregnancy didn’t quite go to plan, I had extra scans due to bleeding, a short hospital stay with hydronephrosis and infection and was eventually induced due to cholestasis , throughout the pregnancy I’d not wanted induction and had pictured a pool birth. The induction didn’t work properly and after a three day period I was given an emergency section. I accepted this as I know birth rarely goes to plan. Since coming home my little one struggles to sleep, suffers horrible reflux, wind and colic due to cmpa, the poor little guy is on prescription formula, gaviscon and ranitidine. His level of discomfort meant he would cry inconsolably unpredictably, which made me nervous about taking him anywhere (we had a very stressful trip to Tesco) so I would sit in the house trying my best to soothe him. He was breastfed initially but I ended up stopping after a week as he constantly seemed hungry and distressed, I feel guilty and like a failure for not keeping up with it.

My partner and I were initially doing a shift pattern arrangement so one of us could always get some sleep as he would scream if put in his Moses and would cry inconsolably overnight. Through working with the gp and hv we trialled different things and now medicines are in place and helping ease the symptoms. Despite this my little one still experiences colicky symptoms and reflux meaning he sleeps very little, with no routine and two hourly feeds. As my other half has insomnia, he finds it impossible to sleep in the same room as us, so we’ve not shared a bed for six weeks.

We’re bickering about stupid things and I feel as though I’m constantly being negative about my little ones sleeping/feeding and that I should just be able to get on with it and enjoy his baby stage, instead of feeling frustrated and guilty 😞 every slight problem makes me over react hugely and then I just end up tearful and over sensitive. Initially blamed this on lack of sleep and hormones, feel embarrassed and weak for feeling like this and know I need to just get on with it, but feel useless and ineffective, sorry for huge post xx hoping to see if anyone’s felt the same

[monica]

Welcome Clara Beth!

My first thought has been DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF! You’re only human and it sounds like both of you are struggling with lack of sleep due to your baby’s reflux/colic issues. It’s nigh on impossible to function on only a few hours sleep which is broken many times per night. Sleep deprivation is s form of torture! I’m glad this are a little better in terms of his sleep. And hopefully it’ll continue to improve but in the meantime it’s no wonder you’re feeling low and irritable and indeed this, hormones and difficult pregnancy/birth can all singularily or combined lead to PNI. You’re anything but weak and are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. Many women feel tremendously guilty about not bf - please please don’t blame yourself - you’ve made the right decision for you and that’s brilliant - have confidence in this.

Please do consider talking to dr about how you feel. Just offloading can make a difference - often with PNI counselling can be offered . Re bickering with your hubby can you sit down and discuss how things are because thebicketing is just due to exhaustion and pent up frustration . It’s so hard but maybe acknowledging how you feel tonhim amdvicd Versa might deescalate things.

My youngest had awful comic and I now think silent reflux - the constant crying can drive you up the wall and it’s hard to just get on with things. Do you have other family who could help you have a break - maybe a night away?

I think most mums feel inadequate for a variety of reasons - the other baby gets your confidence will grow x

[clarabeth]

Thank you for your support, it’s nice to hear that other people have felt like this, sometimes just feels like a one step forward two steps back arrangement!
Luckily I have a really supportive family, which makes me think I definitely should be able to cope better than poor people who’re managing alone. Chatting with my oh helped and I’m going to go to private counselling I think just to help me offload any frustrations, don’t think it will be easy though, I’ve never liked the idea of counselling and needing to try it makes me feel a bit ashamed.
I do think a lot of my little ones issues are wind related, he just seems full to bursting with trapped wind, which seems to affect his reflux, but cool boiled water and gripe water don’t seem to work for him. I know some people have given theirs lo’s a teaspoon of camomile tea and swear by it but the evidence seems very 50/50 on whether that’s ok to do, can I ask how long it was before your little ones reflux and colic went away? Thanks you x

[monica]

Hi

You’re teally doing all the right things even if they feel out of comfort zone - give the counselling a go - once you get past those feelings of shame and embarrassment you might find it’s a very useful tool to offload and the whole session is actually about you - how often do any of us mums feel that way!

Don’t compare yourself to others - just because life is great in many respects where as it isn’t for others doesn’t make it ‘ wrong’ for you to feel the way you do. Take it as it comes and do what’s best for you.

My son suffered with the comic for about a year - don’t panic that’s rare ! And it wasn’t anywhere as near as bad as it was by the time he turned one. I also visited a cranial osteopath which was a micracle ! Can’t recommend it enough. The evening after the first session his comic was dreadful then the next day he was a changed baby so content so much so I took him to my Xmas do which would have been unheard of! X

[leanneh]

Hi Clara Beth,

Your post reminds me so much of how I felt when I had my little boy. As you said he had been very much wanted. I'd had an incredibly stressful job so was really excited o have a break from that to be a mum and enjoy it. From the moment he was born I knew something wasn't right. I didn't really enjoy it or feel that overwhelming feeling everyone seemed to talk about. Everyone used to tell me how amazing it was and how they would bet I couldn't get enough of him. What I actually thought was I hated this life as wanted to go back to work!

Like you my lb suffered with colic and reflux (colic disappeared about 3 months and reflux about 6-9 months). I struggled to breast feed and like you switched to formula when he was around 10 weeks old. I felt such guilt for that as I felt I should have been breastfeeding and would constantly analyse whether I should have done more.

Let me tell you he is now 2 and a half and no different to any f his friends who were breastfed until they were one or two or some who even still are! The formula feeding worked for me and actually I hear of mums who breastfeed and are stuck in all the time taking all of the burden and I think they must be mad! My husband could also help with the feeding which was a huge help for me and he loved being a hands on dad.

I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when my son was about 3 months old and was referred to our perinatal mental health team who offered weekly psychology sessions. I really struggled to engage with them initially because I wasn't used to talking about my feelings and struggled to accept there was a serious problem for a long time. I really wish I had accepted help earlier though as it makes such a difference!

Are you in the U.K.? Funding was recently granted for pretty much every trust to establish themselves with a specialist Perinatal mental health team. They take referrals up to 6 months postpartum and are great because they have the specialist skills to assist with perinatal mental illness. I now chair the service user forum connected to ours and they support a lot of mums.

I would certainly check them out but please know you are not alone! Talk to us anytime! I know how lonely it can get xxx