Tabbysmum's diary

[winegirl]

Hi TM

Well done you x The fact that you can easiy identify your triggers for the thoughts and the reasons behind it shows me that you really will kick this thing sooner rather than later.

I am glad you were able to challenge yourself last night and come out the otherside ok x

How has today been for you? You home alone this eveing?

Thinking of you xx

WG x

[tabbysmum]

Hi WG,

Today started really good, went downhill in a big way this afternoon but then turned out ok. Went out this afternoon to buy Tabitha a new pushchair (how the othe half live eh!) and then stayed at my cousins for my tea. Ed is working again this evening so I've been working since I came home to keep myself busy and I've felt ok, quite a difference compared to how I felt earlier. The contrast between the good and bad is absolutely exhausting, I couldn't even eat earlier, whereas this evening I've managed to eat the entire contents of the fridge!

Hope you're ok TM, Cokey and Scarlet, thinking of you all.

Love TM x

[winegirl]

Hi TM

I was like that. One minute the thought of food had me retching, a few hours later i was tucking into a chinese! The ups and downs are so tiring, but on a positive note your ups are getting more regular. And soon you will have up days, then weeks, then months etc.. You are definately on the right road hun xx

Lve WG xx

[cokey]

Again, we seem to be at the same stage and its so unpredictable eh? One minute you feel you can't take any more and the next you feel better.

No wonde rmy husband is a wreck having to deal with me!!! lol

Cokey xxx

[Scarlet]

Tabbysmum/Cokey,

I remember the feeling so well, not knowing how the day would turn out and my mood could change from one min to the next. It's really difficult to pick yourself up from low mood as well, can make your day utterly miserable having constsnt intrusive thoughts/anxiety. It's such a struggle I remember, but like WG said the ups get more regular, and the downs stop phasing you after a while, and you think of them as normal ups and downs of life rather than attribute them to anxiety. As you recover, your faith in yourself grows and when you see yourself picking up from a bad day more often, you will feel less anxious and worry less about the bad times, and just get on with living.

Promise you

xxxx

[winegirl]

Hi TM

How has today been mate? Hope you get chance to update later x

Thinking of you

WG xx

[cokey]

Hey TM

Just had a thought. You know when I post that I have a thought, you always tell me with confidence it wont happen etc etc. Like when you said you have fears about your little girl, I know 100% without any trace of doubt its a thought caused by your greatest fear because you are too good a mum and you will never ever act on it. I can say that, feel that and think that each and every second of every day. So why can't we believe that of ourselves?

Just worth a try reversing it and thinking 'what if Cokey told me she had that thought, what would I tell her?'.

Hope you are okay tonight?

What you doing this weekend?

Cokey xxxx

[tabbysmum]

Hi Cokey, WG and Scarlet,

That's a really good way of looking at things Cokey - you've been analysing again haven't you! Definately worth giving it a go though. Been ok today, usual abundance of thoughts but on the whole I've dealt with them ok. My husband is out all day tomorrow from about 5 o'clock in the morning so I'm feeling a bit anxious at the minute but am going out with my cousin at some point tomorrow so wont be stuck in the house brooding at least. What's everyone else doing, any plans before it throws it down with rain again?!

Love TM x

[winegirl]

Hi TM

Hope you have a lovely day with your Cousin today. It is hot and sunny here but aparently will be raining tomorrow and Monday - fab.

Enjoy your day babes and hope to catch up later xx

WG x

[tabbysmum]

Hi all,

Not much to report really, had a very busy few days with family problems (see the thread Mental Health Issues under Off Topic and Related Issues) so been rather preoccupied with something other than myself for a change. Been pretty calm really, the news story that seems to have triggered a few of us has also triggered me but not in a massive way, I'm quite tense and it's playing on my mind a bit but I'm managing. I'm still having the usual thoughts, my old ones have faded significantly but my new ones are loud and proud unfortunately but I'm trying to just let them wash over me and let them be. I'm also having a few weird thoughts, like when my phone goes off with a text message I've thought a couple of times "is that God", that has bothered because it makes me feel like I'm going mad probably more so than any of my other thoughts, if I'm feeling happy I'm questioning why, if I'm not I'm questioning what it means - usual thing really, massively over analysing everything instead of just getting on with things as most people do. But I suppose on the whole I'm doing ok.

Thinking of all you ladies out there, especially Cokey and Justme who are having a tough time at the minute.

Take care

TM x

[cokey]

Hi TM

You know the drill but if you were going mad and really thought god was texting you, you wouldn't be questioning it at all, you would just believe it and have no doubts.

The thoughts I have had before have been very bizarre, apparently everyone has even the most odd ones, but most people dismiss them as normal.

Hope you are okay and things are okay with J.

Cokey xxx

[winegirl]

Hi TM

I was like you, I would go through this terrible time with anxiety and thoughts and then when I did feel ok just spent the whole time questioning it! Do I really feel ok? How long will this last? Is this normal? Am I conning myself? Why do I feel ok? etc etc

However, questioning my ok times was definately around the time I started getting much better, but it was a tough time.

Always here for you and listening TM xx

WG x

[tabbysmum]

Hi all,

Not much to report really which I suppose is a good sign! Had a good weekend, my lo stayed the night with my cousin overnight on Saturday so hubby and I went out for a bite to eat, I think I sort of hoped we could have a romantic cosy evening, but after just a glass and a half of wine I couldn't keep my eyes open and ended up going to bed alone, I'm a cheap date these days! Not really having a problem with the thoughts, they're there and sometimes feel a bit tense but on the whole they're not bothering me, not really analysing anything either. Had a lovely day in the garden yesterday, we had a power cut that lasted for hours but on the whole it was fine as the weather was gorgeous and we just sat outside and played, was an excuse to have a takeaway last night too! Am trying to be really good food wise this week as I'm going to Scotland on Friday for the weekend and I know I will spend the entire 3 days stuffing my face - starting the second we leave home - it's hungry work travelling!
All you ladies currently being plagued by the thoughts, especially Cokey, JM and mummydonna, the bad days do become less frequent and you will start to feel brighter. I'm not saying things wont trigger me, they have and they will and it's been especially horrible after things have been good for a while, but I can see a slow and steady improvement in things for me compared to 3 or 4 months ago, I know I'm getting better, it seems a struggle but I'm getting there.

take care

TM x

[winegirl]

Hi TM

Its so GREAT to hear you sounding so positive! I am glad you are finally experiencing more good days - you deserve it!!
Have a lovely time in Scotland hun, and enjoy the food, thats what holidays are for!!

Take Care

WG xx

[cokey]

Yeah ditto - I am thrilled u are on the up because u had such a rough time. What strength we have eh to get through this.

Enjoy your road to recovery L, you do deserve it.

Cokey xxx