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Post by tabbysmum on Jun 19, 2008 21:19:30 GMT
Hi all,
Just checking in as I've not been about for a few days. Tabitha is still off nursery with Diarrhea so I've been trying to work whilst looking after her, it's been a nightmare, I haven't had a minute and have been really stressed, had to work all evening until about 11 o'clock every night o catch up too so am absolutely knackered. She is getting better but she can't return to nursery until she's clear of it for 24 hours so it will be Monday now. But, as tired as I am it's been a good distraction for me, Ed's on his late shift this week and I've been fine as haven't had time to brood over anything really. I've had the odd moment and I'm still struggling going out in the car because of the bridge thing but it's something I can't avoid so just have to deal with it. So all in all not been too bad a week - of course Ed's managed to piss me off but what's new. Why are men so selfish? I was working this morning and sat downstairs with my laptop rather than upstairs at my desk because I thought it better to be about to help with Tabitha if I could - but that selfish sod just sat playing his game on the computer, leaving me to look after her even thought he knew I was trying to work, I shall stay upstairs tomorrow, stuff him, makes my blood boil.
So sorry I've not been about Cokey and all, I'm just struggling to keep on top of things at the minute but I'm still here if you need me and I haven't forgotten about you!
Hope you're all doing ok.
Take care
Love TM x
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Post by winegirl on Jun 20, 2008 7:24:01 GMT
Hi TM
Crikey, know wonder you are tired! Im surprised you haven't booted Ed up the bum for being so unhelpful!
I hope things manage to ease off a bit for you next week when Tabitha is back at nursery. Has she been eating ok? Poor thing.
You know where we are when you need to offload babes xx
Thinking of you
WG x
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Post by Scarlet on Jun 20, 2008 7:29:18 GMT
Hi TM,
It's always hard working from home with a LO in the backgound, I have troubles typing on here whilst my LO is wrecking my house. I have to have one eye on him at all times. I would feel the same if my hubby was playing games and I was working...of course he should be looking after her. Is the nursery open over the summer hun?
Re: the bridge thing, did you read the Dr Phillipson site? He uses a method called ERP (exposure and response prevention) with his patients in that he makes them do what they are frightened of (this is what I did and it really worked for me hun). Apparently the fear has to be faced about 15 times for it to disappear. He had one chappy who was afraid he might kill his wife during the night in his sleep, with a knife, so the Dr. made him sleep with a carving knife next to his bed. Needless to say, he didn't kill his wife, and after a short length of time (appox week, can't remember) he was 80% cured from this fear...something like that. So get driving over that bridge girly.
xx
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Post by cokey on Jun 20, 2008 9:53:39 GMT
<Jesus I have that fear of harming someone in my sleep and don't think I could do the carving knife thing!!!> Hi TM I know it seems rubbish but actually being busy and not being on here much will have really helped you. Don't worry about not being on for other people because I think we ahve a nice little network of support going, so we are never alone even if you are missed I work from home too and Paul drives me carzy. We have parallel lives in that respect. The amount of arguments we have had regarding him watching the kids while I work. I always end up with them in my office which you will know is hell because they mess with your papers and stationery. Paul did the same to me this week as Ed did. The thing is I almost envy men the way they can be selfish like that. It would make life easier. I am sure you can do the bridge thing. You have conquerored so much and just think how many amazing things you have achieved despite being ill. I could never have gone away on my own. What a strong woman you are eh? I hope T gets better soon, theres nothing worse than your kids being sick. I hate it. Take care Cokey xxx
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Post by tabbysmum on Jun 22, 2008 8:30:23 GMT
Hi all,
Well Tabitha seems to be on the mend, down to an acceptable level of poo now so I'm not complaining! Feel very very tired and anxious today. Started feeling twitchy last night, had a terrible nights sleep and had to keep checking on Tabitha as I thought I was going to do something in my sleep, today i'm very tense. Ed's out all day today racing which isn't helping but I'm going out for lunch so wont be on my own for too long. My thoughts have increased again and I'm trying to just let them be but it's horrible, always the same when you've felt good for a while I know. I've made a point of using a proper pair of scissors for the past few days, normally I only use baby nail scissors for everything as I'm too scared of holding sharp objects so I suppose that's good, I'm not comfortable doing it but it's got to be done I suppose. I'm trying to just put this down to a bad day, they can't all be good can they.
Hope everyone's ok.
Love TM x
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Post by winegirl on Jun 22, 2008 9:18:15 GMT
Hi TM
Thats exactly the way to look at it hun, a bad day. I used to panic every time I had one thinking I was getting poorly again, it took me a while to accept I would have the odd bad day in recovery.
I hope things pick up for you today and you have a lovely lunch out. Here if you need us xx
Take Care
WG x
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Post by cokey on Jun 22, 2008 12:11:41 GMT
Hi L
<Look at my diary, had same thoughts in my sleep too last night and didnt sleep too well - I have learnt that is a really common OCD fear>
Glad Tabitha is on the mend. That will be why you are a little edgy, even without PNI when my kids get ill afterwards the worry catches up with me, but you are in such a good place now that the anxiety will soon ease off again.
Well done for the scissors, even though you think you may be edgy at the moment, look how far you have come from a few months or even weeks ago.
Oh better go Paul is shouting at the cat (they are my cats from before I met him and he just tolerates them).
Hope you have a nice lunch.
C xxx
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Post by tabbysmum on Jun 23, 2008 21:14:11 GMT
Hi girls
Well been ok ish I suppose for the past couple of days. Had a nice day yesterday with my cousin and her family, had a nice lunch, did a bit of shopping stopped for a coffee and a cake so it was good, the drive home from her house is always a problem for me as I have to drive over a canal bridge and a railway bridge, I'm more comfortable with the canal bridge now but I think that's because my fear of the railway bridge has grown. Tabitha has gone back to nursery today so work has been easier. Went out at lunchtime and had to drive over a couple of motorway bridges, it's just not getting any easier, when I know I have to go out in the car I'm instantly anxious and it's much worse if the lo is with me, I'm so scared. Had a couple of moments tonight with the knife thing too, I know these thoughts are no different to my other harm thoughts, I battled them for months and they don't really bother me now but these just seem so much worse, 1) because they're newer ones so are always more scary and 2) because they're much worse! I'm so tense, this bloody illness is such a ball ache (and back ache and neck ache!)
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Post by winegirl on Jun 23, 2008 21:18:08 GMT
Hi TM
Glad you had a nice couple of days but so sorry you have had a struggle with some of the thoughts again. The great thing about you is that you keep challenging them, and that really is the way to beat them. Many would cave and hide from them but you have been strong enough to carry on. Well done you!
Not long now babes when you will just be looking back on it all, I promise. xxx
Thinking of you x
WG xx
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Post by Scarlet on Jun 24, 2008 7:25:21 GMT
Hiya TM, How are you this morning? Glad to hear you've been Ok ish. This is a good sign, even if you didn't feel 100% during these times. I think I might know the railway bridge you were driving over hun (I lived in your neck of the woods for 15 years), and I drove over it many times myself. You can do it, see you are already more comfortable with the canal bridge, soon the railway bridge will be the same. When you are driving over it, distract yourself onto other things and don't give a reaction, cept "Yay!!!! see pissy PNI I'm driving over the bridge nah, nah, nah" in a mocking voice... something like that Hugs xxx
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Post by cokey on Jun 24, 2008 12:58:31 GMT
Hi TM
I have a motorway bridge right near me and to get to town I have to go over it. I guess going over it and over it has made me immune because now I do what Scarlet said and said to the PNI ' OOOh look at me smartarse even looking down at the traffic'. You'll get that way.
You've been great recently and I don't think you'll have another major blip just mini-blips (sounds like a lollipop). This is a mini-blip.
What u up to this week?
Cokey xxx
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Post by Scarlet on Jun 24, 2008 15:16:27 GMT
I used to be the same crossing a bridge over the dual carrigeway by foot. Had to do it lots, and at first I took each step slowly, and was mortified...almost couldn't move. Now I can run across it and lean over the edge.
xx
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Post by tabbysmum on Jun 24, 2008 19:51:14 GMT
Hi all,
Had a better day today and have been deliberately thinking about all my horrible thoughts/visions in the hope that I get bored with them. In by myself this evening as Ed has gone to his scooter club meeting (he restores and rides classic lambretta's), he'll only be out for a couple of hours so not too bad but naturally I'm feeling more anxious being alone. Not really got any work to do as I've done so much over the last few days in order to keep me occupied. My boss gave me a bit of a bollocking today as I sent him an email out last night at 11 o'clock and he's worried I'm doing too much, he does know about the PNI and thoughts so was able to reassure him that I'm doing it for me and not him which he was fine with. Have had an awful eating day today (well past few days really!), started the day with wholemeal toast and marmite and then it went seriously downhill, how many cakes, crisps, bars of chocolate & packets of sweets can a girl eat - answer, loads! Was going to be really good tonight but Ed's having a pizza when he gets in and I'm starving so have decided to join him, oh well, can always be good tomorrow - how many times do we say that eh!
Hi Cokey, Scarlet, WG & JM, hope you're all feeling ok.
Love TM x
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Post by winegirl on Jun 24, 2008 21:33:02 GMT
Hi TM
I remember seeing your pic once on an email you sent me, and I think its fair to say you have no worries on how much cake/sweets you eat hun!! I think you could eat it all day and it wouldnt really matter!
Is Ed back yet? How you doing on your own??
WG xx
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Post by tabbysmum on Jun 24, 2008 21:40:53 GMT
Hi WG
Yes he's back, we're waiting for the pizza - I'm starving!
How's you this evening?
Love TM x
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