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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 18, 2014 9:54:05 GMT
I am starting a diary as of today, I have panic disorder and depression. Im suicidal and have been on fluoxetine for 5weeks, they have worked for pregnatal depression before so lets hope they will work for post natal depression too! Im the lowest I have ever felt in my life, non functioning and I really do not want to live at times and deal with the hurt and anxiety anymore, I honestly don't know how I get through some days or how much more I can take to be honest. I really hope keeping a diary will help me as I have nothing left to try. Im so dissapointed in myself for getting this bad, ive had panic attacks and depression for 8yrs since the birth of my first child and have worked very hard to cope with it. I thought I would have seen this huge depression comming and got help sooner! But I just kept saying to myself "oh its just hormones" " it'll calm down" well guess what it didnt and now im a wreck, Im just sick of crying all day and feeling like such a failure for getting this bad xx
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Post by quantumrose on Jun 18, 2014 11:18:16 GMT
Welcome Rochelle! I can really relate to alot of what your saying, including your desire to keep going and hope it goes away. It takes most women quite a long time to realise how bad they feel and to find help, so you are not at all alone in that. You've done so, so well to get the help you have. I know what a long journey that can be. You are amazing and you will get better x
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 18, 2014 12:01:54 GMT
Thank you for replying Quantumrose. I hate the fact that at times I really feel I wont get better, um permanently damaged and theres only one way out Im so frustrated and mad at myself for being scared to go out now when a couple of months ago I could do more. I feel like I allowed things to get this bad and should have got help sooner! Hindsight ay?! Xx
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Post by Weeble on Jun 21, 2014 17:46:35 GMT
Hi rochelle and welcome
I know how tough it seems now but you will recover I promise. A few years ago I would never have believed it myself but as the little ones become toddlers and then kids somehow it becomes easy and life becomes easier and the illness weakens
Keep talking to us and hope you have enjoyed the warm weather
Kat
Sent from my C6903 using proboards
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 24, 2014 8:51:23 GMT
Thank you weeble, After having a couple of better days depression wise I feel awful again I feel like I want to cry but cant, I feel so useless. I just want to be me again and stop having panic attacks and being scared of everything. Im so frustrated with myself. Im now 6weeks today into my fluoxetine and was hoping they would be helping more by now sorry to bring everyones mood down but I just think whats the point sometimes?? Am I going to be suffering forevermore now xxx
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Post by monica on Jun 24, 2014 13:53:56 GMT
Hi
The ups and downs are very common with pni and also a sign u r recovering. It can feel doubly worse if after a good spell you have a blip.
Overall how have things been since being in meds. Has there been any improvement ? If not then maybe do see ur dr for guidance.
Recovery from pni can be frustratingly slow at times at it can take tweaking meds, changes and time to feel like things r on the up. Keep talking x
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 25, 2014 18:02:47 GMT
Heya ladies Thank you for replying to me. I dont have anyone else who understands or I can talk to. I feel the fluoxetine has helped a little with my depression (not sure if thats because my period finished)but not with my anxiety. Ive had a better couple of days but today has been horrendous I also have alot of aching in my chest and back and I keep telling myself its probably just stress but its scaring me, its been going on for a few months now so maybe it was due to bad posture while I was breastfeeding. I had to stop when my daughter was 3 and a half months due to meds and notffunctioning. I just feel that I'll never get better or ill be on a load of drugs forever. I dont want to be on loads of pills and still feeling this rubbish, but its only been 6weeks on meds, am I expecting to much to soon? im so fed up xxx
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Post by monica on Jun 25, 2014 19:14:37 GMT
Hi
Has anything triggered the bad day today ? Glad the depression is easing. It can even a few months for meds to kick in properly but maybe talk to dr about it?
Do u have any other support ? If ur having a bad day it can help for there to be someone at the end of the phone to talk to.
X
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 25, 2014 20:01:07 GMT
I think because I didnt sleep much last night and waking up with high anxiety may be why today has been so bad, ive allready tried 3other meds and the side effects were unbearable so I dont want to swap again I just want somthing that will work because I dont want to live like this I cant cope at all and my chest and back is extra worrying me today, maybe because im having a worse day but lately it seems to be bothering me more, I hope its just because my anxiety and depression have gotten worse but im Fed up of being scared I have cancer or somthing with every chest/back twinge xx
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Post by monica on Jun 26, 2014 7:23:56 GMT
Hi
Why don't u make appt to drs re back and chest. I am sure it's nothing serious after all thee are physical demands of having a growing child that put pressure on ur back, but ur might allay your fears.
Just thought have u tried rescue remedy for anxiety? Supposed to be quite good not a cure all but might help take the edge off the anxiety. It's homeopathic. Hope today is betterx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 8:17:12 GMT
Hey Monica, My Dr listened to my heart and lungs and said they sounded fine but I still cant help but worry its somthing worse. It didn't bother me this much untill my anxiety majorly kicked off and I started medication xxx
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 8:30:59 GMT
Alsoi havent tried rescue remedy, I dont think I can take that with my anyi ds? I have some diazipam for when the anxiety is bad but I scared of addiction:(
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Post by monica on Jun 26, 2014 8:46:59 GMT
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Post by rochelle121 on Jun 26, 2014 8:49:23 GMT
When did u suffer pni Monica? If you dont mind me asking? And are you now recovered? Xx
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Post by monica on Jun 26, 2014 8:50:18 GMT
I know anxiety can bring in weird symptoms too. When ur anxious all ur muscles tense up and that can lead to aches and pains. If it was something serious the dr would have picked up on it for surex
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