Will this Help?

[muzzpat]

Hi Folks,

Well after major barmy last night and a flood of tears, I need help to get things back on track.

My partner and I have 6 month old baby boy and recently my partner has become more and more unpredictable. One minute she is fine, the next biting my head off, its really not like her.

She is very impatient with our son, when before she had the patience of a saint with him and as a result it gets taken out on me. She has suffered from depression before the pregnancy and it dragged me down with it, resulting in me moving out, before I self destructed. I dont want to get back to that again.

She is awaiting an appointment with her GP, what else can I do to help?

I'm trying to encourage her to get out the house more, when i'm at work all she does is sit in the the house or go shopping. I have managed to get her to walk with our son to work at the end of the day to meet me, so we can walk home together.

I also want her to take him for a walk during the day to get them both out in the fresh air, plus a little exercise routine at night to make her feel better about her weight, as the more down she gets, the more junk she eats and the problem worsens.

I try take her out more and organise little one night trips away but we always end up falling out, because she just doesn't seem to enjoy it.

I've looked at the other section on here regrding alternative medicines. When she was previously on AD's I didn't like the person she became. On top of some herbal remedies do you think exercise will help or does it have no bearing on things?

thanks guys, sorry I've written a small novel above

[natalie1985]

Hi Muzzpat,
Glad you posted here.
We're all here to listen and support her.
Sounds like your partner is having a tough time.
Going to her GP is a huge step in itself, so that's great that she's got an appointment! This was my turning point in getting better.
Maybe see if she wants to post on here herself??
She will most likely find it comforting that there are other woman who feel the exact same way as she's feeling, and it's great to talk about it. Don't push her though in case she's not ready to post. Even if she comes here to just read through posts on here, it would help her.
Exercise can help, but it's not for everyone, so i guess it's up to her if she feels she wants to or not.
Another thing you can do is just be there for her. I know this is very difficult for you to because you probably get the brunt of it all, but it's important that she knows no matter what that you are always there for her. Maybe see if she wants to talk about how she's feeling and discuss this with you, without any judgements.
Let us know how you go.
Take care, Natalie.

[muzzpat]

did you find getting out of the house more helped? She just sits in all day and then moans at me because the house is a mess. Yet I'm the only one who gets up at night with him, then im up at 7am for work, while she gets a lie in, then I come home and all the house work needs to be done.

I hoped if I could get her to be out and about more she wouldn't feel so bad about things, plus she would enjoy her time with our son more

[natalie1985]

Getting out can be helpful. Especially getting involved in a mothers group and having other mums to talk about things with...but in saying that, some women who suffer PNI can feel very anxious and nervous about being out and about and leaving their house. I never had this as a sympton, i was fine with going out, but some women aren't and find home as a safe haven, if you know what i mean.
I'm sure when she goes to the gp , he/she will suggest some avenues she can go down to help herself.
I know it must be tough on you getting up all night then working all day. I sympathise.
A thing you do have to remember though is that if she has PNI, itis an illness that doesn't last forever, it will go away.
Does she have any friends with children at all???

[muzzpat]

Yes she has friends with children, most of their children are older though, plus they have lost their pregnancy weight through little effort which annoys her as she struggles to loose weight. Hence if I get her walking more, little weight loss she will see things can improve and she'l feel a bit happier about herself.

She is ok to leave the house, tho doesn't feel safe walking around our local area with our son, without someone else around, so I'll get us to all go for walks after dinner as a family and it'l be more enjoyable for her.

thanks for your help here, I will be recomending this site to her as I've just txt her saying theres so many people like us! The health visitor is coming to see her at lunchtime, so fingers crossed its a good start!

[natalie1985]

That's great to hear!
She's very lucky to have you and i see you care about her and love her alot!
It's great that you came here by your own will to seek some answers!
Anytime you or your partner need to chat, we're all here and we know exactly what she's going through!
Good luck with the health visitor today!
Take care, Natalie

[natalie1985]

Also, just eating alot healthier will help with losing weight.
I've been on Weight Waqtchers since August, and i've lost 10kg and all it is pretty much is eating 3 healthy meals a day and healthy snacks! So if she mixed this with walking, it will help alot.

[muzzpat]

Thankyou very much, I guess it wasn't till the tears started flowing last night that I realised how bad she felt. Well this site is a wealth of information and a huge help, thankyou for talking, she seems upbeat this morning, especially since i've told her about the things i've learned on here.

thanks you!!!

[natalie1985]

Anytime, Remeber i'm just a normal person like you both who has suffered from this illness!
Here to talk anytime Glad she's feeling good today!

[cheshire]

Hi Muzzpat,

Glad you felt able to post here.

You sound like you're both going through a tough time, but your partner has taken the first big step - going to see your GP. I found I dried up when I got there though and ended up having to take some notes and my partner...and this worked

I'm afraid if it is PNI, then staying in and going out feels like a bit of a no win situation- you want to stay in bed and stay in the house, possibly because the extreme anxiety/ hormones (not sure) can make you a bit phobic (it did me anyway). Problem is, as I found, staying in made me more anxious and panicky...

Having said that, think it is good to get out, but there were times when I had to come back again because I felt so panic stricken and other times when I was glad to have done it - it's worth a try I would say, fresh air, distraction, change of scene can only help in the end maybe..

I am still struggling to get to the gym, but when I do take exercise I do feel better - problem is we're so tired all the time, we just don't feel like expending any more energy!

The weight thing does eventually start to right itself and my GP told me that women are more likely to feel up to doing something about it when the baby is 18-24 months old. I certianly found this with my first anyway.

With my first I went abroad with a girlfriend when baby was just 6 months old and thought nothing of it. With Baby 2 and PNI, I have had to cancel various nights away (inc. a friend 5 minutes drive away) because I can't face separation yet..to be honest, I find it easier just to stay at home but the odd evening out I do find helps (with friends and without baby)..

My psychotherapist maintains that exercise helps and in turn helps sleep and therefore wellbeing, but it's really difficult a. to find the motivation and b. to fit it in. when you feel poorly with PNI and have your hands full with baby. Short walks is a good start though and this is also what my husband encouraged me to do early on.
Do you think your partner would consider posting here?
Hopeful

[muzzpat]

Just noticed your reply regarding healthy eating. I think thats the problem, she does eat very healthily, but has had little results and I think because of this she has lapses and eats too much chocolate etc.

I'm hoping as you say healthy eating combined with walking will show her anythings possible with a bit of will power and help then she will feel better and want to go out more. All the clothes she used to love don't fit her so when arranging to go out, she gets put off by having nothng to wear etc.

Hopefully she will see some results and get that bubbly personality back

[natalie1985]

I was exactly the same. I hated not fitting into my old clothes. It was the most horrible feeling ever. It really brings you down.
It'd be great if she mixed the two together, it may be a slow process but she will get there! Veggies is a big thing to include though. Even having diet drinks instead of normal drinks is great..less sugar.
Doing normal household work also helps to lose the extra weight. i found the more i did the more energized i felt and it was like exercise in a way!

[muzzpat]

One thing she doesn't suffer from is panicky when outside, she just doesn't go out as she feels theres no purpose to it i.e. where would I go?

The thing for me is not only is good for her but Aidan (our son) loves it outdoors he so alert to the sounds and smells, he particularly loves the sea, so I explain to her its not only good for her but for Aidan too.

If I didn't have to work I'd take her somewhere different everyday. Her main issue just now is he plays up all day then I come home and he smiles for me and it hurts her. It is a complete reversal of 3 months ago where all he wanted was his mum, so I know how hurtful it is. I feel though if she went out more he wouldn't be as bored of the same room, therefor would behave better for her.

its a vicious circle, but thats just what I think.

We will see how we go with the GP and exercising and hopefully notice some results and make her feel better. IM sure she would consider posting on here, we have a pC at home, so she would be able to do it in her own time while im at work. hey I could even chat to her on here be a nice surprise for her

[natalie1985]

You sound like such a lovely man and it's great you're doing this for her.
Definately going out is a good idea.
My son loves the outdoors too. We sit outside in the backyard sometimes and he just loves it. I also bring him out if i have to hang the washing out and he just gets so caught up with the trees etc, it's beautiful. There are so many different ways of spending time outdoors.
It will make both of them feel better, especially being in the sun!

[muzzpat]

well she is very good meal time wise, its the snacks!! She eats a lot of homemade soup which is great and when shes made some she will snack on that rather than chockies. She is also on to diet juice tho she still drinks too much, i'm encouraging her to drink more water/dilueting juice, as drinking fizzy drinks all day isn't good for energy levels either.

House work, Aidan doesn't allow much time and she hasn't got the art of leaving him when he moans. He can't be picked up everytime he grumbles, but for now she does. Unfortunaltely due to my sport Sunday is the only full day we have to tidy, so need to try make the most of that and once its all done she will feel better for it too.

So much to do, so little time to do it!!!