Help and advice needed for husband

[garydunlop]

Hi all

so glad to have found this forum.

Long story im afraid, but here goes


After a very stressful time at work, including a fall, my wife was in hospital for a weeks or so, she came home and returned to work, sever weeks later we went to a familty wedding (at 35weeks)

we thought her water had broke, and that ended up with another weeks stay at maternity, which ended in her having a pyscotic break, diagnosed as PP

she was in a pyhciatric hospital for 3 weeks, before being discharged and cam home to await the birth. all was going well, although she spent much of the time in bed and very tired, after the birth, which apart from 2 tears, went well, she went down hill within a few days

the birth plan with the doctors always had a possibility she would go to the mother and baby unit, were she has been for 10 days now

she is coherant, and has been since the birth, just very very low, worried about binding, being a good mum etc etc, and desperately missing me and home

prior to the birth she was on haliparadol, she is now on an alternative, plus anti depressants


i am really confused, as to wether this is PP, or "just" PNI, she want to come home (its our first child) as she is desperately lonely, although i am there up to 8 hrs a day, plus parents visiting etc

she is getting no 1 to 1 psychiatric help as far as i cane see, she is alone on the mother and baby ward, with baby in a locked nursery, and can only go in there when he is awake, for feeds etc, which she has found hard, she is now bottle feeding , as breast was to stressful for her


HELP


i dont know where to go, the dr has suggested ECT, but this seems far to risky, and after reading other PP sufferers accounts, my wife seems no where near that bad

[winegirl]

Hi Gary

Welcome to the site x

I am so sorry for everything you and your wife are going through right now. I am unsure how to reply to your thread as I myself have no experience of PP, but I am sure someone will reply soon with their thoughts and experiences.

Just wanted to reply to let you know we are here for you guys and I am sure soeone will post soon with some good advice.

Take Care and please keep us posted.

Winegirl x

[yoyo]

Hi Gary (I'm a fellow 'Dunlop' by marraige)

So sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you all at the moment.

The differences between PNI & PP are much discussed and argued - PP can last a good while as can PNI. The main thing is that your sife is getting help. Realising that there's something very wrong early on and seeking the help is key to a quicker recovery. PNI & PP are both illnesses and woman can make a very good recovery in time.

It must be very difficult for your wife not being able to be with your little one when she wants to be. That must be very hard.

Keep talking with the docs etc and voice any concerns about treatment or lack of support etc with a strong voice - meds can definitely help many women, some say ECT has been fantastic for them, others disagree, then there is counselling , talking therapies and alternative treatments - it really is a case of finding what can help for you and your own circumstances and views.

read up as much as you need to on here and ask as many questions as you need to - we're here because we've been are are going through the hell of PNI and everything it screws up. BUT there are also tales of those who have come out of the other side of this horrid illness and that gives hope too.

Also for yourself - please make sure you can talk through things with someone and try to keep yourself built up as difficult as things are - it can be v v hard for families too.

Please take care and let your wife know that we are thinking of her x

[garydunlop]

hi, thanks for the replies, we have good family support, and friends too,

i have struggleed the past 3/4 days, especially sleeping etc, she is doing well in my eyes, talking, bonding as best she can, although she does say shes worrying shes not bonding, she very tired, and drained and is extremelly low most of the time

she is very lonely in there, as she is on the ward on her own( 2 room baby and mother ward) i am feeling she would be better at home, with family support

[garydunlop]

i put her original pyschotic episode down to stress, and a week in 2 maternity hospitals with little or no sleep, which contributed to her PP which was diagnosed before the birth

[cheshire]

Hi Gary

Welcome to the sitex

Our Patron Elaine Hanzak suffered PP and was treated with ECT.

You can read about it here:

www.elainehanzak.co.uk/

Look after yourself - this is very hard for you toox

Hopefulx

[garydunlop]

long meeting today with pyscologist, nurses,social workers, mental health peeps etc

upshot, they are hoping weeks, not months, she can come home for a day saturday, will be going out with her support worker for a coffee wednesday, and we hope for some weekend leave if she improves enough for this.

she is now bottle feeding, so medication can be increased with no worries about baby(brandon). Brandon is doing fantastic, now up to 120ml per feed(11 days old)

positive day in parts, although she is very low, especially in the mornings, she was talking of feelin suicidal(down to her low feelings) with the nurse this morning, hence no leave this weekend

but in all she seems to be slowly improving

[winegirl]

Hi Gary

Thanks for keeping us updated. How are you feeling at the moment?

Good news about the prospect of your wife getting days out soon, they really waouldn't suggest that unless they felt she was on the right road.

The mornings I think are particularly difficult for people suffering depression, but this should get better with time.

Am pleased Brandon is doing well, and I send you, your wife and Brandon my thoughts x

Winegirl x

[garydunlop]

thanks, they are not totally happy with her going home for the day, but they are allowing it, with our support there for her

she will be going for a coffee with her new support worker wednesday, so hopefully in the long term this support will help her open up, and i had a LONG chat with the child services lady at mine today, hopefully as ive been very honest, she has a clear idea of our family dynamic

we have a very difficult, and old (75) mother in law (lisas mum) who has been a pain in the arse, doesnt understand mentle ilness etc

im spending a few nights at my parents, get some decent meals in me, done all the house work this afternoon, get the place tidy for her day visit


thanks for the support

Gary

[destiny]

you are sooooo doing the right thing... i vaguely remember leave days/weekends. The first one was horrendous. I remember the house in the same 'state' I left it and my partner greeting me anxious and drawn and ever watchful. I was still in a paranoid angry state. Seeing my home in disorder, my partner falling to pieces just tipped me over...major upset. Thankfully it was overnight leave only. I wasn't quite ready. BUT next visit home was completely different. My partner totally took control of the situation. In my manic state I had convinced myself that I had to keep busy and meet up with all my friends. Not part of the recovery. He may well have been warned that I would act in this way. He was calm in dealing with the situation. Lots of reasoning and listening. No visitors were allowed. Family had helped prepare food and tidied up the house. I didn't have to lift a finger. We went for a drive in the country side to relieve any itchy feet. My son spent the leave with us. I was allowed to look after him without being watched over (this was a big deal to me). I never once felt pressurised. It was just the 3 of us. My new family. My partner encouraged me all the way. It was good to be home. I remember feeling confident and together for the first time in ages. Such small steps. Each visit thereafter was better than the last.

Good luck and relax into the moment. This first visit home is a real turning point.

x

[garydunlop]

hi destiny, sounds like i did a few things right for her home visit then, i hoovered, tidied a little ( im houseproud, so even after 5 out of 6 weeks alone, my house looks spotless) so she wouldnt have anything to do for her day visit

it was a requirement of child services, that my parents were here, just so she wasnt alone if i had to go out/go to the loo etc

the home visit has gone really well, she was a little down/low as expected, but got better as the day went on, she fed, changed and bathed him with me, and even put him down herself, once she rocked him to sleep, she doent really see the improvement in herself as yet, but me and my parents really noticed the small things, like her putting him down herself, and helping me bath him etc etc

lets hope the meds continue to help, and she continues to improve

[al]

Hi Gary
Just wanted to add my encouragement that you are doing just the right sort of things at the moment. It is really hard for your wife and you at this time but it will get better even though it may not seem so at the time and you will have ups and downs
Love and all the best to you three
Al
xx

[gilly]

Hi Gary
I just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you and your wife she is having such a crap time I have not had PP myself so i dont fully understand but my heart goes out to you and your family.

Have you made any more plans for your wife to come home again? Keep us updated and we are always here to try and help or to just listen keep being brave and sounds like you are a fantastic husband and dad

Lots of love Gillyx

[garydunlop]

they are both coming home sunday for her 3rd home day visit, things seem to be slowly improving

[winegirl]

Hi Gary

Just wanted to say that I hope tomorrow is a good day for you all. Will be thinking of you guys x

Winegirl x