Post by clareyg on Mar 1, 2006 8:54:19 GMT
I'm happy for the first time in almost a year!!! Please say it will last!!
I have 2 beautiful children, Molly 3 and a half and Joseph 1.;D
I realised there were problems after J was born, I couldn't give my daughter 100% anymore and she couldn't understand why? This made me feel guilty so mixed with all the general after baby hormone problems, lack of sleep and a tiny bundle who wanted to be attached to my boob constantly I was sent into the spiralling rollercoaster that is PND!
One morning I was crying so much and I didn't feel that anyone would understand, like my family or my husband they'd just assume I wasn't coping and try and paper over the cracks by buying me flowers or chocolates. So I rang PARENT LINE PLUS(PLP) found the number in my sons red book, and after talking to a really lovely lady for about half an hour I felt calmer, she asked me whether I had spoken to my health visitor(HV), which I had but had done the usual 'bright and shiney clare act' I'm fine,scored low on the PN score thingy. So with a bit of gentle persuasion from PLP I contacted my HV again and cried down the phone, she came out later that day and we started regular listening visits in my home.
PLP also said to get in touch with HOMESTART they are volunteers for parents of under5's they come to you and can chat or look after the l'il ones while you have a bath or make the bed or help out with the shopping trip etc. I can recommend them, my volunteer still comes she's fantastic. I don't drive so she gets me from A to B without all the hassle!
I had good days and bad days like everyone but on the good days I felt like a fraud why was I getting all this help when there was nothing wrong?, on the bad days I wanted to stay under the duvet and didn't want to be a Mum anymore wanted to run a million miles away my life.
I kept telling myself that I shouldn't complain at least I've got a husband who is happy to share the house work, and comes home when its still light, I wound myself up and every time he didn't do anything around the house or complained about the kids noise or came home god forbid later than 5.30 I'd hit the roof. I felt like we didn't talk anymore I felt like I hadn't looked at him for months. I was so taken up in my gloom and doom that everything/ everyone else was too much effort. I was working on serious auto pilot. Couldn't do the bits of general life in between.
I started taking medication (Fluoxetine 20mgs)in august2005 after putting it off for so long. I was worried it would turn me into a zombie but it didn't it started to just take the edge off the downers. I still had the downers but they weren't as severe I could cope with them.Isterted to get a bit cocky stopped taking them and wound up back at the beginning again. I felt like I was treading water getting nowhere. I had been on the medication for 2 months solid but still wasn't right It was coming up to xmas more stress!!! so rang the hv again and the listening visits started again. I don't know what I would have done without them I looked forward to that one day a week when I could say what I liked I didn't have to pretend to be coping!!
Got Xmas out of the way, the less said about that the better, arguments with inlaws! need I say more ....
With the help of my HV's, the AD's, and my HOMESTART volunteer I found that it wasn't a bad thing to ask for help, I would help everyone else without a blink of an eye, I was like the bloody Pied piper on the Nursery school run kids hanging off the pushchair........
I also realised that I didn't do anything for me, everything was for the kids, I had no time just for me! So I started Guitar lessons and in general just allowing myself time off, delegating more, asking for favours so I wouldn't have to struggle.
Why didn't I do this months ago?
?
I started going to a group for Mum's with PND 2 weeks ago, (through HV) it's amazing to meet people who are going through similar situation, saying the same things as me. It was a revelation.
I really think I'm on the right road now, things are getting easier , My children are happier, I have fallen in love with my husband again and most importantly have started to love myself again.
I walk down the road with my two children and sing and laugh let my daughter splash in the puddles, 6 months ago I would have my head down, just have to get there attitude, with my silence interrupted by barking at Molly to stop crying or running off.
I am fully aware that this could be one of my highs on lifes rollercoaster but I intend to enjoy it while it lasts!!
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE, YOU TOO WILL FIND SUNSHINE ON THE RAINY DAYS!!!
LOL Clare xxxxxxxx
I have 2 beautiful children, Molly 3 and a half and Joseph 1.;D
I realised there were problems after J was born, I couldn't give my daughter 100% anymore and she couldn't understand why? This made me feel guilty so mixed with all the general after baby hormone problems, lack of sleep and a tiny bundle who wanted to be attached to my boob constantly I was sent into the spiralling rollercoaster that is PND!
One morning I was crying so much and I didn't feel that anyone would understand, like my family or my husband they'd just assume I wasn't coping and try and paper over the cracks by buying me flowers or chocolates. So I rang PARENT LINE PLUS(PLP) found the number in my sons red book, and after talking to a really lovely lady for about half an hour I felt calmer, she asked me whether I had spoken to my health visitor(HV), which I had but had done the usual 'bright and shiney clare act' I'm fine,scored low on the PN score thingy. So with a bit of gentle persuasion from PLP I contacted my HV again and cried down the phone, she came out later that day and we started regular listening visits in my home.
PLP also said to get in touch with HOMESTART they are volunteers for parents of under5's they come to you and can chat or look after the l'il ones while you have a bath or make the bed or help out with the shopping trip etc. I can recommend them, my volunteer still comes she's fantastic. I don't drive so she gets me from A to B without all the hassle!
I had good days and bad days like everyone but on the good days I felt like a fraud why was I getting all this help when there was nothing wrong?, on the bad days I wanted to stay under the duvet and didn't want to be a Mum anymore wanted to run a million miles away my life.
I kept telling myself that I shouldn't complain at least I've got a husband who is happy to share the house work, and comes home when its still light, I wound myself up and every time he didn't do anything around the house or complained about the kids noise or came home god forbid later than 5.30 I'd hit the roof. I felt like we didn't talk anymore I felt like I hadn't looked at him for months. I was so taken up in my gloom and doom that everything/ everyone else was too much effort. I was working on serious auto pilot. Couldn't do the bits of general life in between.
I started taking medication (Fluoxetine 20mgs)in august2005 after putting it off for so long. I was worried it would turn me into a zombie but it didn't it started to just take the edge off the downers. I still had the downers but they weren't as severe I could cope with them.Isterted to get a bit cocky stopped taking them and wound up back at the beginning again. I felt like I was treading water getting nowhere. I had been on the medication for 2 months solid but still wasn't right It was coming up to xmas more stress!!! so rang the hv again and the listening visits started again. I don't know what I would have done without them I looked forward to that one day a week when I could say what I liked I didn't have to pretend to be coping!!
Got Xmas out of the way, the less said about that the better, arguments with inlaws! need I say more ....
With the help of my HV's, the AD's, and my HOMESTART volunteer I found that it wasn't a bad thing to ask for help, I would help everyone else without a blink of an eye, I was like the bloody Pied piper on the Nursery school run kids hanging off the pushchair........
I also realised that I didn't do anything for me, everything was for the kids, I had no time just for me! So I started Guitar lessons and in general just allowing myself time off, delegating more, asking for favours so I wouldn't have to struggle.
Why didn't I do this months ago?
?I started going to a group for Mum's with PND 2 weeks ago, (through HV) it's amazing to meet people who are going through similar situation, saying the same things as me. It was a revelation.
I really think I'm on the right road now, things are getting easier , My children are happier, I have fallen in love with my husband again and most importantly have started to love myself again.
I walk down the road with my two children and sing and laugh let my daughter splash in the puddles, 6 months ago I would have my head down, just have to get there attitude, with my silence interrupted by barking at Molly to stop crying or running off.
I am fully aware that this could be one of my highs on lifes rollercoaster but I intend to enjoy it while it lasts!!
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE, YOU TOO WILL FIND SUNSHINE ON THE RAINY DAYS!!!
LOL Clare xxxxxxxx
But it almost feels like you never will with PNI doesn't it?
