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Post by yoyo on Oct 2, 2005 11:38:11 GMT
Today I feel pretty good in my head agin which is nice, I don;t feel I'm about to fall apart, cry or get really angry or anything. I ache in nearly every bone in my body though and feel like I've pulled all the muscles in both legs - very weird. I've not had such strong physical sysmptoms for such a long time. The tiredness/fatigue is still there but not so bad as I want to crawl into bed (although I'm sure I'd sleep if I did)! Will see how the rest of the day pans out. Am keeping self busy and enjoying time with hubby & little one. Don't quite feel 'myself' as I feel a little detached but am ok. I've made some plans for the week so will see how things go :-)
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Post by yoyo on Oct 3, 2005 10:51:32 GMT
Well a fairly good start again, later on I'm out with Jake & my sister in law to be which will cheer me up hopefully.
This morning has been horrid! I sent in a complaint to the NHS about how I felt let down by the treatment I received during birth of my son. Today I had a letter with the results of the inquiry - and basically the long letter says "Oh poor you, you've got it all wrapped round your neck, it was nothing like that - we have the notes to prove it too!" I've just sat and cried for a good while about it and got angry again - trying to calm down - am thumping the keys as I type this! Sure things'll be ok. I mean what did I expect - them to say "we're sorry you've been so lousey, but we offer our sincere apologies that you felt so badly treated. We'll make sure the relevant people are spoken to and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else" - how stupid would that be eh?! Now i am really confused as I'm just questioning myself - was it really as nice as they say - am I just being oversensitive - are my flashbacks about something that didn't happen?! ! I don't think so !! What do I do now - let it go? Take it further only to get wound up and end up meeting a brick wall again?!? just got to move forward me thinks.
Just wish I'd photocopied my notes before I had to hand them in (I had them a good while due to being under the midwife for longer than normal so I knew them pretty well off by heart as I tried to make sense of what had happened at the hospital. Even then I noticed things were written down that hadn't happened or figures were wrong, didn't think about querying them at the time - hindsight such a wonderful thing eh?!)
Anyway ... on to the rest of the day and my life ... just could do with a hug and I'm on my own for the next few hours :-(
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Post by cheshire on Oct 3, 2005 13:15:40 GMT
Sending you a BIG hug, sounds like you need it. Thinking of you Catch you later Hopefulx
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Post by yoyo on Oct 4, 2005 13:50:04 GMT
Have decided to let the complaint thing go for now, if I feel the need I'll write a letter back expressing my furstation at the service and explaining I'm not after compensation but just closure to how things have been. Oh well.
I'm still pretty manky physcially but am at the docs tomorrow as I have some weird symptoms (don't think they're PNI) like cramps after sex, green discharge etc etc. Apparently (so my mum informs me) that when I went to the docs just before being diagnosed with PNI (in a right state at that time) I was told I'd got an infection and could do with anti-biotics but seeing as I was so washed out anyways it would be ok to wait & see if it cleared up on its own but if it got worse would need a small op - I can't remember any of that conversation at all but I wasn't in a fit state of mind at all at the time. Will see eh?! All good fun.
I'm also stewing about the in-laws - We're away with hubby's mother end of the month and I'm dreading it even though I know it'll be ok. I'm not sure I'm up to a holiday just yet and I find her hard work even when I'm ok. Also, the following month we're taking away his nanna as his mother doesn't want her coming with us when we go away - sure it'll all be ok but I'm just frtting about it (would never have even given things half a thought, always one to pack on the day etc etc oh well - joys of PNI eh?!) got to just unwind and relax about things. It'll all be ok.
ALso got on the scales today (BIG mistake) as I can't get in many of my clothes and have put on a stone in a month! I've not even been eating hardly anything - it feels more like water or something as it comes and goes. Didn't do much to cheer me up though! Typical as I'd lost all my pregnancy weight apart from 4 pounds and now I'm packing it on it seems and not even eating as much and am much more active than then too?!? Weird.
Mentally I don't feel too bad, not so down these days, just get very frustrated that I feel so manky so much still. I;m not even 25 yet (a few weeks left of 24!) and I feel about 96! Joy!
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Post by cheshire on Oct 4, 2005 15:04:14 GMT
Hi YoYo,
Sorry to hear about the complaint action and the response - it's just not fair is it?
And as for holidays - 'no can do' for me yet I'm afraid -there have been 3 failed attempts!! But I'd probably be ok now so may try again at 1/2 term. You'll be ok, just make sure that you get loads of help with packing and with baby..
My weight continues to fluctuate too - sometimes people say 'Oooo you've lost weight' and then I seem to pack it on again. I'm afraid to say I've still got a stone to lose and I don't think it's going to be easy....but I'm determined I'll get back into my work clothes...
I know how you feel about age and physical state - I certainly feel older than 35 at the mo'!
Hope you have a good evening, Hopefulx
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Post by yoyo on Oct 5, 2005 14:39:26 GMT
Having a good day today (well a good few hours so far anyways after a slow start). Had fun with Jake and even got some jobs done. :-) Have invited some friends around for supper this evening so hope this last!! LOL
Went to docs this morning - got to go back for tests at the end of the week.
Ooo better go little man has woken from his nap!
Have fun all
xxxx
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Post by cheshire on Oct 5, 2005 15:32:41 GMT
Hi YoYo Hope you have a good evening 2nite It always an effort having people round but once I'm in the swing, I usually find it a real tonic. Enjoy! Hopefulxx
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Post by yoyo on Oct 6, 2005 11:38:02 GMT
Thanks hopeful - yeah had a lovely evening. For a good while I good actually just enjoy the evening and not think about how I feel (was nice not to feel selfish - I'm sure you all understand when I say that. I don't mean I am selfish or PNI makes you selfish but I know that my thoughts are often on how I feel and how I need to be or do this and that and that makes me feel I am being selfish - it's not selfishness its just being ill - OK now I've confused myself and probably whoever is reading this thread!! LOL).
Had a late night so paid for that this morning but have made myself get up and about - take hubby to work, go to Jake's great nanna's to get some jobs done for her (bless her she's 94) and now my mum is popping round for lunch with me. So not a bad day at all so far. Feeling quite well, esp when I compare myself to a few months back or so!
Hope your day is going ok.
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Post by yoyo on Oct 8, 2005 11:26:04 GMT
Friday = @ work all day (8 - 5) weird day, mood up and down but not loads either way. Odd. Ok though. Evening - last minute invite to body shop party at a friends, did me good. Hubby had JAke all day and he had a good time too so that's good.
Slept V deep - didn't hear little one wake and hubby feed him etc. Seem to still go semi-conscious when I lay down. Odd. Kind of nice though!! Vivid dreams but not scary now.
Saturday - busy morning and now wacked out. Feel really drained but just v tired, not emtional which is more relaxing. Going to take things steady for rest of day.
Hope you're havinbg a good weekend.
Overall = feel a little odd and detatched but OK ish! Just bumbling through at the mo. It's much better than a while back though! Keep looking forward - it'll all be ok in the end!
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Post by yoyo on Oct 9, 2005 11:09:58 GMT
Sunday - slow start, really bad back ache - I'm on my period which really isn't helping. Oh well all good fun eh?! Just taking thing steady (all I seem to be able to do at the mo) will be fine :-)
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Post by yoyo on Oct 9, 2005 16:17:26 GMT
Oooooooo the frustration. I'm taking things all the wrong way and know that I am but can't seem to stop myself overreacting! I'm blaming my hormones for this one. Hope it goes soon! I don't like bein glike this. My brother rang to see if we'd like to go round this evening, nothing heavy just chill and I went off on one about how I'd got ironing to do and the bed needed clean sheeting - SO WHAT, that'll all be there tomorrow too! So we ARE going. I really feel like I have a devil/angel thing going on in my head sometimes!! Bring it on - I'm ready to take you on PNI!!
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Post by wendabell on Oct 9, 2005 16:23:29 GMT
i admire your courage yo yo. you seem far more stronger than me when the ol devil raises its head i just fall to bits to be honest.
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Post by cheshire on Oct 9, 2005 16:29:52 GMT
Hope you have a good evening YoYo. I am really trying to 'leave things' that I feel need to be done but it is something I find VERY difficult...I think I have had some obsessive compulsive problems with PNI... Anyway, hope you have fun. Hopefulx
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Post by yoyo on Oct 10, 2005 11:46:39 GMT
Wendabell - at times I too fall to bits, just try and fight it with all I've got when I'm not so low. You'll reach that point eventually - i find when I have setbacks I tend to go back to square one for a while and it's taken me a good while to be able to accept that that is what happens and to just go with it - save my mental energy for more important things if I can. You're doing really well honey, you're posts over the months I've been on this forum show that you too are a fighter - just going through blips now and then. You hang in there :-)
Hopeful - I think there's something about the OCD and PNI don't you? I seem to be obbsessed with the fact that I'm sat not doing anything when I really can't face it and then I get obsessed that I MUST do all this stuff (mainly housework) that can wait as there are more important things such as family/friends etc Bizarre!
Diary - Today - slow start. Jake has been really good which I'm sure has helped - I just have this feeling that today will improve and so far so good, a few glimpses of "me" and a little bit more energy seems to be building. Will see eh?! I could do with it as I've quite a bit of stuff to get done and out of the way.
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Post by cheshire on Oct 13, 2005 0:19:26 GMT
Hi YoYo
How's things with you today? Hope this finds you feeling ok.
Fed up of OCD and trying to ignore it at the moment and it's working to some extent - always nagging in my mind tho'
Catch up tomorrow.
Hx
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