natalie1985
Senior Member
Mum of Peter ~ Born 15th Dec 2004
Posts: 470
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Post by natalie1985 on Nov 21, 2005 5:48:26 GMT
Hey Sarah Sweety! How are you??? I'm glad that the time issue is sorted out now...like you said...you can start living your life your way now without him having control over it! Don't you hate having rows!! I always got really upset about alot of things too and we would have so many arguments, thank god we don't that much these days! It's amazing how PND makes you sensitive to soo much! So what have you got planned for your week?? Take care of yourself and your family! Lots of love, Nat xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 22, 2005 22:03:48 GMT
Haven't been on for a few days, feel like all i do is moan!! Am having a crappy time again, me and Rob arguing over stupid little things (although they seem huge at the time) Oh i'm soooo fed up today and don't know why!? The kids have gone to their dads tonight, he picked them up as arranged and he collected their stuff too. (WOW) Thought me and Rob would have a nice quite night infront of the tv but no, had a row again and i came on here to play some games as i knew my mum would be on. Hope i feel better tomorrow. Hope you girls are all ok and feeling abit better. Nat its great to read that your doing so well. Well done to you. XXXXX
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Post by cheshire on Nov 22, 2005 22:51:55 GMT
Hi Sarahjay
How are you know? Moan all you like if it helps..sorry you've been having a hard time at the moment.
Hope tomorrow is better for you..I'll catch you then hopefully for a chat
Hopefulx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 23, 2005 11:52:32 GMT
Hi all,
Today is slightlty better although Robbie forgot to take the pram out the boot of the car last night (i'd asked him to before i went to bed!) so i'm left with no pram today, was going to meet my mum for lunch but have had to change my plans so she is coming up to mine for lunch instead. I wondered if he did it on purpose??? cos he wasn't talking to me when i went to bed then accused me of falling out with him?? I'm very confused at the moment, i just can't work him out? (can anyone??) One minute he's very understanding about me being ill and very supportive but the moment i look as though i'm starting to feel better he goes all weird on me and we end up arguing over nothing??? Why? I'm wondering what to do on friday night as its my night this week but i don't want to out but i know if i stay in i'll end up cleaning/looking after kids etc,etc. Any suggestions? really don't feel like socialising. My sisters baby is due on Saturday, am excited about that just wishing she would hurry up and go into labour!!! lol. she is dreading it now and i'm trying to be supportive and tell her she'll be fine but after 2 horrendous births and 1 ok-ish birth myself am finding it very hard!! Anyway better go and get something on for lunch, maybe i'll be back later on for a chat if anyone is around. Thanks Hopeful, its good to know you don't mind me moaning! Thanks.xxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 23, 2005 12:40:27 GMT
Ooooo, I hate it when that happens..the pram is driven off to the other side of the country and I usually only find this out after I've spent 1/2 an hour convincing my daughter that the telly is going off and then doing socks, shoes and coats...sooo frustrating.... Glad you mum can come to you instead today. Have a nice lunch.
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Post by cheshire on Nov 24, 2005 22:58:22 GMT
How are you Sarahjay?
Thanks for the lovely message in my diary.
Did you have a lovely lunch with your mum?
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 24, 2005 23:01:52 GMT
Well, yesterday ended up ok in the end! My Mum came for lunch and we were having a good girlie chat andthen Robbie came home early from college (his tutor was ill) and there was tension the minute he walked through the door. My mum went home a while later and we ended up arguing again, he walked out without a word and came back about and hour later, we managed to talk about it and basically it came to the crunch where i told him either he bucks up his ideas or he leaves and lives the single life he seems to have been craving lately!! He made up his mind pretty quick and said it was me and the kids he wanted and he was going to sort out his priorities! Today has been fantastic, YAY finally, i took Nathan and my neice Chloe to the mother and toddler group which was fun, although quiet for a change as the weather here is wild today, snow and blizzards all day, worse forecast for tomorrow! Rob came to meet us and then we went to his mums for a coffee and then home for some hot soup, after which we just sat and talked and played with nathan for a while until he fell asleep, then it was like old times with us play-fighting and tickling etc. Of course we ended up in bed, but i think it was pent up frustration from all the rowing!? We then realised that it was time for kirsty to come home from school only to have to run downstairs half-undressed to unlock the door!!! (we ended up falling about laughing about it later!!) Tonight i've been next door for a coffee with my friend and we've arranged to go to the bingo tomorrow night!! (feel old now) lol. Am going to bed now, hopefully to finish what was started earlier!!! lol
Loadsa Love to all, hope your all ok?
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Post by cheshire on Nov 25, 2005 0:55:41 GMT
hehe, have fun sarahjay!
Hope you enjoy the Bingo..I'm going to a Christmas Fair tomorrow night - see how we go hey? I Prefer a plan rather than nothing.xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 26, 2005 11:20:35 GMT
Well its Saturday today, haven't been on since thursday, yesterday was busy day. I like to be busy as it keeps my mind off being ill. Me and Robbie went shopping mainly for food but also some xmas pressie's, my mum had nathan as the weather was atrocious again. We got home and it was time for Kirsty's swimming lesson, then the kids asked to go swimming so rob took them!? (kirsty was in the pool for about 1 and half hours in total, she was all shrivelled up!) then i went out to the bingo with my friend, it was a good laugh although we didn't win a bean between us! I kept having sneezing fits!!!! can you imagine in the middle of a bingo hall trying to stop yourself sneezing while playing! it was soooo funny...... we had a couple of drinks and met up with my ex SIL (one of them that i actually still get on with!) and she asked us to go to the pub, we didn't need much persuasion, lol. My friend ended up pulling a 20 yr old lad (she's 25) and i got in about 1.30am. We had such a good laugh and it was good to be out for a change. Rob was awake when i got in so he got a blow by blow account of the night, as you do when your drunk! Anyway today am feeling slightly fragile, but i think its mainly because i've also got the cold (hence the sneezing fits) well thats my excuse anyway! lol. Have also started to feel a bit down and tearful, which is something that used to happen the last time i had PNI, whenever i'd been out for a drink (alcoholic) the next day i would feel like crap, shaky, tearful, horrible thoughts in my head etc,etc and i have been worried about it happening this time too but just wanted to enjoy my night out, but i can see that i'm gonna have to stick to soft drinks in future cos i can't cope with these feelings. I'd thought that i was feeling better after all the stuff thats been going on but obviously its still lingering. Do we ever get truly better? back to how we were before PNI or will we always have a tendancy to slip back down at the slightest thing? What does everyone else think about this? Please let me know cos i feel like i'll always be suffering in some way. Gonna go have a shower and hopefully take the kids to our towns christmas carnival today, although its bucketing down rain and its very windy again! (scottish winter is definately here!!) Hope everyones day is good.xxxx
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Post by cheshire on Nov 26, 2005 14:30:27 GMT
Hi Sarajay
Glad you had a good night - I think we need it once in a while! And hope you get through today ok?
I know I have been asking the same questions as you:
''Do we ever get truly better? back to how we were before PNI or will we always have a tendancy to slip back down at the slightest thing?''
I don't know about this yet..but I think that motherhood does change you anyway but in terms of the PNI, I am still hoping that I will eventually feel better than I do now..and I think I will, as in general I am still improving and gradually feeling a bit like my old self... My therpist said I'm probably unlikely to be quite as 'happy go lucky' as I was before, but having a husband who has been very poorly and with 2 young children - I guess this is inevitable. But I also feel that alot of positive changes have come about through being ill..
I don't know what anyone else thinks, these are just some thoughts.
Take care Hugs Hopefulxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 27, 2005 22:34:34 GMT
Thanks for your message Hopeful, its lovely to know that i'm not alone on these thoughts. I also think the same as you that motherhood changes you and you'll never be quite the same again but i also feel alot of positive things have come out of me being ill. I have a much stronger relationship with Robbie, my mum, my sister and also my children. I am more kinder to myself and maybe a little bit selfish at times but hey we all deserve that don't we? I know i have faults and am more willing to try and put them right and i have made lots of new friends (something i've never had!)
Today has been a bit up and down, it started of ok (although was up alot in the night with Nathan) we went for a chinese at lunchtime to celebrate Rob's grannys birthday, that was nice but Nathan cried most of the time, then we went back to Rob's grannys for Cake and a cuppa. The 2 older kids went with Rob's mum for a while and we went to see my mum and her boyf (my sis and her hubby were also there) My sisters baby was due yesterday and its still not decided if it wants to make an appearance yet!!! lol. Anyway we came home and Nathan has been screaming ever since, he's teething!!! Finally we got him down to sleep about 9pm and he's still sleeping. I've been feeling quite 'detached' today? don't know if thats the right word, i used to get really frightened when he cried at the start of my illness and now i find when he cries for along time i tend to shut off as though i'm not hearing it? Does that make sense? It feels very weird at the time as though he's not my child??? You know how if it's someone else's baby you can tolerate things for much longer, its kinda like that. Does anyone else ever feel this way? i suppose its good that i don't get upset or frustrated cos i can't help him but i also feel like i'm a horrible mum because i'm not having these emotions? its the one time i don't feel as close to him as i normally do. I'm sure this will change as time goes on and i get better but i can't help wondering why? and this seems to start off the horrible thoughts, that i'm not a good mum, i'm not coping, i'm never going to get better, etc,etc..... Its been a reasonably good day, better than yesterday in some ways but worse in others!! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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Post by cheshire on Nov 27, 2005 22:40:46 GMT
Hi Sarahjay
'Detached' - tell me about it! Know just what you mean..sometimes look at mine and think - 'are you my children'? Only today I was thinking, look at you two - I actually had you. This might sound strange, but I sometimes feel like a stranger even to myself.. But I think there are others on here who feel this way to0..
Sorry to ramble, catch up tomorrow maybe. Love Hopefulx
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Post by wendabell on Nov 28, 2005 5:01:21 GMT
yes i am the same too. I even look at photos and think i know i carried you and fed you gave birth to you but its like i was watching another woman do that and then she gave them to me.If that makes any sence to anyone other than me. I funnily enough thought this of my eldest who is 6 last night as i watched her read to her dad.I suddenly thought who is she.She is far too grown up for my girl my girl is much younger.Its like the neibours kid came in for a while .Ok not making sence at all now am i but yes i just wanted to agree i feel the same too.
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natalie1985
Senior Member
Mum of Peter ~ Born 15th Dec 2004
Posts: 470
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Post by natalie1985 on Nov 28, 2005 6:23:04 GMT
Hey Sarah! How are you sweety??? I too at times "shut off" and feel like his not my child! I also at times pretend i can't hear Peter screaming, it definately helps to cope with it, you dont get as frustrated and stressed if you zone out! I'm glad you feel as though you and Rob have a stronger relationship! It's fantastic! It makes you feel so good about yourself when you KNOW they're going to be here ALWAYS How's your chrissy plans coming along??? Love to you and your family, Nat xxx
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Post by sarajay28 on Nov 28, 2005 21:42:03 GMT
Awwww thanks everyone, i feel so much better for reading your replies. Wendabell you do make sense, especially to me. and Natalie, i totally agree with you, i love the feeling that me and robbie are gonna grow old together and we know everything about each other, even the bad stuff. Nathan has been a bit better today, we had a pretty unsettled night but not too bad, i think rob found it more stressful than me!! (for a change) lol. Nathan has been quite happy today with just a few unsettled patches, and i feel really good that i've managed on my own. It sounds weird because i'm usually on my own but if i'm not coping then i phone my mum/sis/robbie but today i knew my mum would be coming over sometime but not exactly when and i was fine, didn't get stressed or anxious. I did all my cleaning and washing in the morning, i even made the tea in the morning (stew in the slow cooker) !!! Today was definately a good day. Robbie came home from college in an excellent mood as he's passed his maths assessment today (his worst subject) so i told him how proud i was of him. I spent some time with Kirsty tonight as i felt as though i'd done nothing but shout at her the last few days, so we went up to her bedroom and played with her 'bratz' dolls and then we played lego, we have harry potter lego sets and are making 'hogwarts castle'. Its huge it'll take us forever but it was good fun, i din't want to stop but that programme was on!! Anyway gonna have an early night with a trashy celeb magazine!! (quality reading eh girls!) Natalie just a quick note, chrissy plans? is it christmas or something? haha.... I haven't even started!!! Note to self: get your arse in gear women, there are only 28 days left (saw it on LK Today) ! Loadsa Love to you all Sarah.xxx
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