clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Jan 9, 2008 22:21:19 GMT
Thank you Hopeful and I really appreciate your kind thoughts. I hope you are ok at the moment. I have just read a book by Lauren Slater who is a psychologist and has severe depression and her story to continue her medication in pregnancy. It helped me feel less isolated and guilty and her opinion was that mental illness is not a choice and I agree. In my heart I know I need to up my dose but I am hanging on to the hope that once this first trimester is out of the way my hormones may settle and I will feel better without having to do this.
I spent so long wanting this pregnancy and wanting it to be the panacea for my PNI and the guilt I felt over my sons first year. It has hit so doubly hard and although the anger at its return had faded I am still so disappointed.
Thank you for making me feel welcome too it's lonely out here at times, Clareyx
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flobob
Senior Member
Posts: 357
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Post by flobob on Jan 10, 2008 4:29:18 GMT
Hello Clarey I've been wondering how you were as you weren't about. Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I also had ante-natal depression so can sympathise. And I didn't find any support either. But obviously you have us on here so I hope you'll keep talking to us.
Don't feel angry with yourself. As you know I would love another baby and hope that I have the experience now that if ANI and PNI were to hit me again then maybe I could cope with it better. If you can try to think of it like that. Remeber you were doing so well and you can get through this again.
Very best wishes, FloBob x
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 10, 2008 7:53:41 GMT
Hi Clarey, I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were. Please come here for support anytime hun, as there is really no difference between antenatal and postnatal depression, both are connected to the stress of having a baby and the symptoms are exactly the same. In fact you are right when you say it is actually a relapse of your PNI. I think Clarey that you were not fully recovered from the first bout, and you're anxiety has resurfaced. And who wouldn't be anxious about having a baby anyways. Having a baby is stressful at the best of times. I had spotting in pregnancy as well, and it was to do with my cervix ~ not polyps, but cervical erosion, which can happen because the blood vessels in the cervix become dilated when you are pregnant, so any small knock or sneeze would cause me to bleed, and like you I was worried, and like you I developed antenatal depression as well (26th week) and it hit me hard, becasue I hadn't a clue what it was. I also took ADs/benzodiazapins and other tablets during pregnancy and my psychiatrist assured me that everything woud be OK with my baby, needless to say I didn't believe him at the time and worried just like you are, but he was right and my little boy was born healthy. I know it's hard hun, but look 4 weeks have passed since you told us you were pregnant. How many weeks are you now? There's another lady 'Shader' who is in the same position as you with a toddler and she also has antenatal depression, perhaps you could look her up, she posted a few days ago. She's 21 weeks now, but she's had a difficult time as well. Just remember that although you were not fully recovered when you became pregnant, you were well on the way, and you WILL do it again after this baby, and you are going to make a full recovery this time hun, and we are here to support you whether it's antenatal or postnatal depression because in essence, there's no difference, so keep posting hun and let us know how you are.. We are with you sweetheart Love and hugs Scarlet X
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Jan 10, 2008 17:56:09 GMT
Hi Clarey,
I've been looking online every day to see if you'd posted in your diary and I'm glad you're back, albeit in not the best of circumstances. I do hope things improve for you during the pregnancy but you're so brave and you have recovered once from the PNI, so you will do so again. Thinking of you lots and I hope you start to have some better days soon and the hormones start to settle down a little.
With lots of love, Bobyn xxx
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Post by shader on Jan 10, 2008 20:20:00 GMT
Hi Clarey, Just wanted to say hello and see how your were doing. Thanks for replying to my posting. I'm so sorry you are suffering too from this illness during pregnancy. Like you i think I never fully recovered from my PNI from my first pregnancy and it just took this hormone surge to heighten it again. Thanks for recommending the book. I'll see if I can get a hold of it. I've been writing stuff down but think I may start a diary here too.
Love
Sharon
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Jan 18, 2008 15:37:04 GMT
Thank you for the supportive posts I really appreciate them. I have taken yet another turn for the worse at the moment and feel the worst yet. I have decided to up my meds as I was only taking one every other day. I am so dizzy which is one of the first symptoms of my PNI and then I get so anxious. I am also very tearful and am starting to just not function.
I am so scared that this will not leave me for my entire pregnancy and things will get worse.
Thanks for your post Shader, I hope you might be feeling a bit better at the moment. Did your start early in your pregnancy? Do you get awful anxiety too? I hate the anxiety I find it one of the hardest things to deal with.
Clareyx
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Post by winegirl on Jan 18, 2008 15:45:01 GMT
Hi Clarey
I am sorry you are still suffering mate. I really hope it is just a hormonal things that passes for you really soon. I suffer with the dizziness too, but the way I have been taught to lessen it is to accept it. As opposed to fighting it just accept that it is happening and go with it. Its a hard thing to do but I do find that it i s now working for me.
We are always here with you x
WG x
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Post by cheshire on Jan 18, 2008 16:15:37 GMT
Hi Clarey
So sorry to hear you're suffering again - I really feel for you. I hope that upping the meds helps - got everything crossed for youx
I know this is easier said than done - but try not to look too far into the future (this is what I do alot and try to avoid doing) as that may fuel your anxiety..
Thinking of you Keep in touch Hopefulx
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Post by shader on Jan 21, 2008 18:14:01 GMT
Hi Clarey. How are you doing? My anxiety started at 8 weeks pregnant and it shocked me as it really was like flicking a switch again, one day I was OK and the next things just went dark. During my first pregnancy I suffered but it wasn't until 30 weeks. At 8 weeks I was just in turmoil and the anxiety was awful. I'm now 23 weeks and I still suffer terribly from anxiety but I think I may be handling it better. I am seeing a psychologist and the consultant at the hospital as well as the health visitor so I think it may be helping that these support mechanisms are in place too as well as the medication. I got the book you recommended by the way and like you I couldn't put it down. It is beautifully written. Thanks for the recommendation.
Love
Sharon
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Post by Scarlet on Jan 22, 2008 10:02:52 GMT
Hi Clarey,
How are you doing hun?. Did you see the link to the pregnancy depression forum I posted in your other thread. I took a look and it looks good with a midwife on hand to answer any questions.
Let us know how you are when you get the chance.
Hugs
Scarlet X
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Post by monica on Jan 22, 2008 17:53:59 GMT
Hello Clarey
Just catching up and wonderging how you're doing?
I don't have any additional advice ,.it must be so hard for you right now, but this is not forever. Try take each day as it comes and if possible try not to worry about how you're going to feel in the future. You might not have been fully recovered but you're were getting there and you will do again. Hormones are terrible thngs!
Love
Monica
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Bobyn
Senior Member
Posts: 454
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Post by Bobyn on Jan 26, 2008 14:36:10 GMT
Hi Clarey,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling worse than before but just try to keep focussing on that light at the end of the tunnel. You were doing so well before the pregnancy and the pregnancy won't last forever so jsut hang on in there knowing that you will recover again. I do the same thing as Winegirl whenever I have a dizzy spell and just try hard to relax and breathe and it does pass. It might not work for everyone but I also try to just think about the worse thing that could happen and if it get too bad I just get outside for fresh air and to cool down.
Let us know how you're getting on when you can. Lots of hugs and happy thoughts to you Clarey, Bobs xxxx
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Post by cheshire on Feb 3, 2008 13:12:54 GMT
Clarey - how are you getting on? x
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