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Post by helenr on Feb 13, 2007 23:35:16 GMT
Hi jmontan27,
Thanks for your reply. My boys are 2 and 7mnths! Its really hard isn't it?
CPN visit today which always makes me feel better. Shes given me a five min relaxation to try with hubby, so am going to do that now. She is also referring me to gym with creche which i'm really hopeful about.
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Post by helenr on Feb 14, 2007 23:50:59 GMT
Ok what have i done to make someone up there so p***ed off at me?
Mum stayed over at hotel last night on way to ferry, get call at 11pm that shes in complete angony, sb gp and long storyshort shes now in hospital on her own and i have no way of getting there.
Did tests today and cant find anything, so more tests tomorrow.
Am getting really fed up with this now. Need a break, need time to concentrate on getting me better.
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Post by cheshire on Feb 16, 2007 18:07:49 GMT
Dear Helen,
How are things now?
Hopefulxx
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Post by helenr on Feb 17, 2007 23:30:19 GMT
Mum managed to get out of hospital, not sure what happened so shes gone on to ireland.
So am round in her house, oh bought me pink champers and bath spa set. Really am so lucky to have him, feel bad about leaving him on his own with the kids. Am going to take meds tonight toi knock myself out, and see if things look better in the morning.
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Post by helenr on Feb 20, 2007 22:17:25 GMT
Was meant to meet family support worker in coffee house today, but phoned and cancelled. She didn't let me off the hook though, and came to the house instead. She has 3 boys and suffered pni herself, so immediately ther was that bond. She is going to meet with me every tues pm to take me and the kids out, or if oh is off just me and her are going to go. Hopefully that will help as i feel i have completely lost any social skils i once had. All i seem to do is talk about this illness, because thats all there is to my life at the moment. Don't have any motivation to do anything outside of the house, always use the excuse that i can do it tomorrow, and before i know it a whole week has passed and i havn't done anything. Can't even manage to get childcare to give me a break and for when i go back to work, so don't know what i'm going to do there.
Spoke to mum today and shes found somewhere to live, her official moving out date is 30th mar which i'm really frightened of.
Hate the amount of weight that i've put on, i know its a combination of the coil and meds, but really doesn't help with the self esteem when i hate what i see in the mirror. oh is always going on at me to eat, but i'm so scared to even put on an extra pound, but i know its not good for me. Friends birthday last sat and i couldnt bring myself to go. Can't concentrate, and really have no interest in socialising. Don't even know if i'm rea;;y making any sense, i can't type fast enough to keep up with the thoughts in my head.
God I HATE THE PERSON I@VE BECOME.
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Post by helenr on Feb 21, 2007 23:14:08 GMT
Took meds ast night and although they didn't kick in for 3 hours i slept for 14 hours! Only woke up because oh phoned to remind me of gp appt! Saw gp and she feels (as i do) that i'm going downhill slightly. Told her about the not sleeping and the fect that i have my period every 10 days or so. She feels that the venlaflaxine is not suiting me, and feels that they might have to put me onto something else. Am waiting for appt with psychiatrist first. Really hope they don't want to change meds - was on prozac to begin with and had to be weaned of that and then left with nothing until it got out of my system, and i dont want to go through that again. On the other hand Gp says i'm not fit to go back to work, and i know i'm not feeling as good as i did say 2 months ago. The confusion and losing train of thought is so frustrating and would be dangerous at work, but i need to go back before june otherwise i get no money and then we couldnt pay the mortgage!
Really need to try to take one day at a time, but can't stop myself worrying about the future.
It feels like i'm carrying this bag of bricks round inside me all the time, this heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach I'm so exhausted.
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clarey
Senior Member
Posts: 327
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Post by clarey on Feb 22, 2007 12:51:51 GMT
Hi Helen,
Hope you don't mind me cutting in on your diary. I can so relate to how you have been feeling recently. It really is such a debilitating illness. I know that bag of bricks feeling! I had terrible insomnia..I would sleep for 1-2 hours then wake suddenly panicking about everything and this went on for months. Slowly the sleep is getting better but it is so hard to function without it....let alone look after babies.
Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone with your feelings. Especially worrying about the future. It's so hard to take one day at a time but with PNI I'm slowly finding I have to.
Love Clareyxx
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Post by helenr on Feb 22, 2007 22:05:22 GMT
Thanks Clarey,
I definately don't mind anyone writing in my diary.
The sleep (or lack of it ) is the worst. I spend all day feeling hyper for a short while, followed by a complete zonking. But at bedtime i just cant sleep.
Its not helping that mums moving away in 4 weeks, i really dont know what i'll do then, we have no other family near to us.
Constantly feel that im walking on the edge of a cliff in the dark, trying to find my way, knowing at any time i could fall off. Its just so exhausting.
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Post by helenr on Feb 24, 2007 1:14:49 GMT
Saw cpn today, shes suggested i reduce venlaflaxine to 150mg from tomorrow. Have psych appt in 3 weeks, but shes going to get it moved forward. She could see that i was really sruggling to keep my eyes open and focus on what she was saying. Apart from the meds, have no idea what we spoke about for 2 hours!
Would far rather be manic than this, i feel i'm dangerous with the kids when it hits.
Woman from pnd group phoned today as i havnt been back, really made my day that she was interested. Am going to really make the effort on fri, i think.
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Post by helenr on Feb 25, 2007 0:43:39 GMT
Didn't get to sleep till 5am this morning, and then was up at 6.30!
Took reduced dose of meds, and noticed a difference almost immediately. CJ was girning (hes teething), and i got ratty almost immediately. Very quickly started to feel that i wanted to run away, and was going to have panick attack. Oh managed to calm me down before it took hold, but then had to go to work (so i'm sure hes been a bundle of laughs).
Fell asleep with L at bedtime, and woke up about 11pm, now wide awake and don't know what to do with myself.
Mum phoned and asked if i wanted her to come back next week, to which i said no. I mean whats the point? She would only be here for a couple of weeks before she'll be gone for good, and i'm going to have to manage then, so i may aswell get on with it.
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Post by claire99991 on Feb 25, 2007 1:37:27 GMT
Hiya helener hope you dont mind me writing here, just wanted to say know how you feel about the not sleeping thing im wide awake and bored stupid tv is crap in the middle of the night  Hope you get a good nights sleep and have a good day tomorow try tell yourself when you wake up today is going to be a good day lots of love claire xxxxx |
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Post by helenr on Feb 26, 2007 23:42:28 GMT
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Post by helenr on Mar 3, 2007 0:35:11 GMT
Didn't realise i havn't written for ages.
Saw gp last week about going back downhill, long periods etc, and shes convinced its caused by the venlaflaxine. She didn't want to change anything though until i get seen by psych.
Discussed it with cpn, and decided to wean of meds while waiting for appointment. So last week only took 150mg, but change was evident almost immediately.
Very, very cranky!
Continued with that dose for a week, but still having sudden episodes where i can't keep my eyes open. So much so, that i slept through cpn coming into the house and shouting, and dog going bananas outside!!!!!!1
Spoke to cpn on phone today, and have decided to reduce meds further to 75mg, which i did today.
Mood seems a lot brighter, managed to take kids to trial run at nursery today, early in the morning, and didn't get stressed. Only had one episode this pm of overwhelming sleepiness, luckily oh off and so slept for two hours.
Don't have psych appt for another 2 weeks, and by that time i'll be off meds and have had my cold turkey phase. Cpn still thinks i need something, but we'll see.
Important thing is, eventually, i've had a good day, and hope it continues.
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Post by helenr on Mar 5, 2007 0:06:12 GMT
Apart from the weird crying episode last night, its been another good day.
Taking the kids to nursery tomorrw for another trial run, will leave them for an hour, so me and OH will be able to have a coffee or something.
Am kind of waiting for the big crash that I think is going to happen, but so far so good.
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Post by jmontan27 on Mar 6, 2007 20:12:39 GMT
Hi Helen
It's good to note that you have had a couple of good days recently. Hope you continue to feel brighter!
love
j
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